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Don't Wanna Fake It
Title: Don't Wanna Fake It
Words: 4800
Rating/Warning: NC-17/escort fic
Summary: Jensen is the escort, serving Business!Man!Jared, trying sort his feelings out
Notes: for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
smpc. Next installment in the Domestic Dreams Verse, Jensen POV. Title from Imagine Dragons' Bad Liar.
Read on AO3
The whiskey is to blame. And the wine. Or so Jensen tells himself.
As soon as he’d arrived, Jared served him a drink and then another as they settled into the couch and relayed through how was your day and it was fine, how was yours. Just how every meet-up starts, along with Jensen avoiding any details of exactly how he’s been spending his days while Jared regularly boast, or complains, about how his visits with shareholders have gone.
Sure, they often have a drink or two together, and Jensen regularly does with his other clients. Still, he knows better than to have too much, avoid putting himself into a bad situation without the good sense to navigate it. A tiny voice tells him that for all he knows if anything started to swing awry and Jensen said the word, Jared would immediately step back, self-consciously wringing his hands over what he did wrong. The problem is Jensen doesn’t trust himself. Not with Jared, not under these conditions, and yet there is that continuing force propelling Jensen through this charade, where he does all he can to keep Jared smiling, no matter the injury to his own emotions.
And so, before he’d realized it, Jensen’s on his third whiskey when dinner finally arrives.
Jared quickly jumps up to meet the delivery at the door then wheels it in, silver-domed plates, two bottles of red with wine glasses, and an array of deserts capping off the meal.
“Well, what’s this?” Jensen asks, trying his best sound curious and entertained by the surprise.
There’s a kooky slant to Jared’s smile that complements the way he won’t meet Jensen’s eyes when he brings the cart across the room. Jensen fails to ignore the way his stomach swoops or his brain recognizes just how adorable Jared is when trying to hide his intentions with a nervous voice. “I had a pretty good day today.”
Jensen sits up a little to make room for the tray in front of the couch. “Oh, yeah?”
Jared runs fingers through his hair a few times, lips still pursed in a crooked smile, deep dimples accenting the light blush coming to his cheeks. “Yeah. I uh … had a long talk today, with my boss, and I guess I’m being promoted.”
“Oh my God. You should’ve led with that.” Jensen laughs even when Jared still seems a bit chagrined as he flops beside Jensen. He grabs Jared’s shoulder and shakes with more laughter. “That’s so great. Tell me everything.”
“It’s alright,” Jared says with a quick glance over. “I mean, it’s great that I’m moving up ladder, and the raise is nice. Really nice. And I’m looking forward to getting out of all the bull shit of reporting.”
Jensen’s still smiling, but it cracks inside. The whole reason they can keep this arrangement up is Jared’s monthly trips for stakeholder reporting and if he’s no longer doing that does it mean they will no longer …
“It should be great. I know it should.” Jared huffs and slouches with his head on the back of the couch, eyes trained on the ceiling. “But it’s not like I’m really working my dream job or anything.”
“Does that mean you won’t –”
“That I won’t, what?” Jared asks.
When Jared looks at him, Jensen sucks in a breath at the vulnerability fresh and raw in those eyes. He’s known for a while that Jared isn’t exactly living his best life and this career of suits and ties with the Good Ole Boys Club is one of his biggest stressors, so he’s not surprised Jared is anything but excited about the prospect.
Still, he wants more than anything to help Jared see the positives in everything just to get the man smiling again.
Even when Jensen’s heart is racing and his mind spins at the idea that Jared wouldn’t be here anymore. Jensen shoves his own torment over that possibility away and offers Jared a kind smile. Jared returns it and Jensen feels an instant burst of warmth in his chest. He clears his throat and tries to look away, yet he can’t seem to move away from Jared now turning towards him, shifting closer. “All these meetings, do you still have to – ”
Jared rolls his eyes with a haughty laugh. “I can’t get out of that. But at least now I’ll be on the other end of the table and be the firing squad picking apart every detail on every page.”
“Well, that’s good.” He bites the corner of his mouth to stop his relieved smile. “That you’ll no longer be so stressed about it.”
With his hand sliding over Jensen’s knee, Jared inches even closer and tips his head while his gaze takes in all of Jensen’s face. “And we’ll still … ”
Jensen imagines Jared can’t finish that sentence without breaking the façade. And he knows he can’t honestly weigh his feelings without doing so, as well, so he smiles with a soft, “Good,” before leaving a kiss at the side of Jared’s mouth. To brighten them both up, he playfully smacks Jared’s knee and sits up for the cart awaiting them. “So, what’s on the menu tonight?”
Jared seems equally happy with the redirection and uncovers the entrees with a flourish. The plates are an artful display of surf and turf with carefully stacked vegetables. “Only the best for my favorite guy.”
Slowly, Jensen picks up a piece of asparagus and narrows his eyes. “If I was really your favorite …” Jensen deadpans.
“Don’t you worry. I didn’t forget.” He leans forward to reveal the third dome for a high pile of French fries.
“You love me,” Jensen teases with a bright grin. “You really love me.”
Jared chuckles and kisses the side of Jensen’s head. “I do,” he murmurs at Jensen’s hair.
There’s a quick shiver up Jensen’s back and he does all he can to overlook why Jared’s voice was so warm and quiet. A few hundred dollars’ worth of food and drink waits to be had and Jensen’s hunger rules out in the moment.
*
As they finish up the first bottle of wine and most of the food, Jared circles back to the conversation with his boss before leaving the office, how they sorted out his next five- and ten-year plans. Jensen’s never worked a traditional corporate job in his life, but has picked up enough from clients over the years. This kind of plotting should be encouraging to any employee, and yet, Jared again says this isn’t a dream job. Jensen knew, that, too, as he’d always seen self-conscious shrugging when Jared mentioned his career trajectory, which made Jensen realize that for all the success Jared has, there is so much failure threaded through his emotions.
If Jensen’s good at anything when it comes to Jared, it’s boosting him back up when he needed it. To bypass the doubt swirling around his brain and play the part of a good partner who will always be in Jared’s corner.
He supposes he could have done that without all the alcohol, but it helps loosen them both up. Gives Jensen a little more liquid courage to be bolder in his assertions that Jared is amazing and smart and could do anything he wanted to with great success.
The alcohol also helps Jensen dance around his own long-buried feelings and convince himself it’s all in good acting when he combs fingers through Jared’s hair and watches him, captivated, as he details the latest trades in the Clippers’ off season. It’s far from news, given Jensen’s day job, but the warm haze around them makes everything Jared say seem fascinating.
And Jensen convinces him there’s nothing selfish at all to continue playing with Jared’s hair and relish the feel of it on his hand or hang onto the lively cadence of Jared’s voice as he rambles on in his own alcohol-fueled haze.
Even now when they’re side by side on the couch and Jensen maybe isn’t paying full attention, too distracted by the glossy brightness of Jared’s eyes whenever he looks over, or the pinch of dimples in his cheeks when he smirks and laughs at himself.
“You’re not even listening, are you?”
Jensen blinks back to attention and nods. “Of course I am.”
“What’d I just say?”
“You just said …” Jensen tips his head and grins at him. “You said I’m not listening.”
Jared rolls his eyes, but he’s barely containing a slight giggle, so Jensen smiles proudly. “You’re an idiot.”
There’s a brief flash back to past conversations, texts, and all sorts of words exchanged. Jokes that have grown between them, and Jensen is a bit smug when he replies, “But I’m your idiot.”
The smile on Jared’s face evens out, then there’s softness in his eyes when he looks at Jensen. Really looks at him and leans in slowly. “Yeah, I guess you are.”
Jensen’s hand sinks deep into Jared’s hair as they kiss and he easily falls back onto the couch as Jared leads him down. They’re uncoordinated and drunk, but Jensen thinks it might be one of their best kisses for how languid and messy it gets, how quickly it ramps up, and Jensen’s squirming on the couch cushions to get even closer to him.
Jared grabs at Jensen’s leg, hitches it up over his hip, and grinds down into him with no finesse for either of them. Jensen still rolls right into every move, chasing the fireworks of their bodies sliding together, hips rolling in tempo for more friction between them. He keeps one hand at the back of Jared’s head to direct him through all the kissing and his other hand slinks down Jared’s back to grab his ass and tug him in even tighter. It’s still not enough. He’s not sure it ever will be, when he allows him to consider it.
It’s not about the arrangement right now, to pretend this is all domestic and sweet. Jensen’s well aware he’s just following Jared to get them both off, to stumble through this together and find their way out after. The alcohol drives him forward and his mind is a step too many behind his body acting to its own will.
The moans are dirty and so is Jared’s look when he pulls back to smile at him, and Jensen nearly whines at the loss of Jared’s body all over him “Why’re you stopping?”
“Just gotta get rid of a few things.” Jared sits up a bit to go through the buttons of Jensen’s shirt. Their hips are still rocking together, and the angle is all wrong, but the way Jared’s tongue peeks out between his lips and his eyes darken with want is all right.
Jensen’s breath gets shallow when Jared finally gets the shirt open, pushes the undershirt up, and leaves wet kisses down his chest. His heart pounds loud in his ears as Jared slinks down the couch with his mouth trailing further until he can get Jensen’s pants open and put his lips to use there.
When Jared licks up the underside of Jensen’s cock, Jensen kicks his hips up and his hands find their place in Jared’s hair again. Fingers flexing, he can’t decide between guiding Jared right where he wants him or just floating along to see where Jared takes them. Then Jared’s eyes are on him as he works, and Jensen’s sure Jared knows exactly what he wants, spreading his lips along the length of Jensen’s dick and running up and down the side of it with his tongue laving at the skin.
Jensen is sure it’ll be over too quick with Jared’s gaze so direct, unwavering, and drawing this line right between them. He can’t look away either when Jared opens his lips to the head of his cock and sucks, tonguing all along hole before finally sinking down. Jared’s taking his time to really treat Jensen with intense pressure and wet warmth soaking right into him, and Jensen suddenly realizes he can’t bear to do anything but let Jared overtake him, working his mouth so slow yet sensual. He’s spellbound by the magic of Jared’s eager mouth and his dark stare, enthralled by Jared, himself, and his incredible feat of patience to take his time with every subtle movement of his head to overwhelm Jensen with the carefully increasing pressure of his lips around his cock.
It’s mostly obscene how Jared ruts against the couch with Jensen’s dick spreading his lips and his gaze wide and open to Jensen. How he rests his hands under Jensen’s back and bobs up and down, unhurried, along with Jensen’s shallow sway of his hips and takes exactly what he needs. The intense stare says he knows he’s got Jensen right where he wants him.
Jensen thinks back to that one morning, months and months ago, when he woke Jared with a hand job. It should’ve been a sly and dirty wake-up call, yet Jensen couldn’t keep his eyes off Jared as he did it, and it was the first time he really allowed himself to understand the quicksand he’d trapped himself in. He wonders if that’s where Jared’s mind is at now, like he’s returning the favor, or wanting to relive the intimacy of that morning by daring Jensen to look away.
He wonders if Jared knows that he wouldn’t dare.
*
Jensen wakes slow and groggy, his hangover hitting him at the base of his skull when he manages to open his eyes. The first thing he sees is sunlight glaring through the windows, then it’s the glass on the table with whiskey left in it from late last night.
There’s a hard rock in his belly and he thinks it’s mostly due to dehydration, but he also considers the growing tenderness between them and how Jensen can’t do anything but tumble along with Jared without being able to sort his feelings to the side. It comes back to him slowly, how they’d continued to drink after sex on the couch, bringing glasses and the bottle of whiskey into the bedroom. It’d seemed like a good idea at the time … kind of like how saying yes to Jared’s proposition a few months ago didn’t seem like a bad idea.
He instantly regrets both, groaning to himself for all these mistakes he keeps making when Jared’s at the center of it.
The bed sinks behind him before Jared’s arm slides over Jensen’s waist and a warm, wide palm settles on his belly. Seconds later, Jared’s draped along his back and curling around Jensen, pulling him in with a low hum.
A quick check to the clock tells him there’s still another hour before he has get going with his day, even if he’d really love getting up for copious amounts of water, coffee, and a shower to wake him up. He should at least order breakfast so it gets here before he leaves, even if it means he only snags a piece of toast and bacon on the way out. Still, he can’t bear to move from this cozy hold.
Jared kisses the back of his head and hums again, his legs slipping between Jensen’s to keep them fully wrapped up in one another. His good morning is low and scratchy, and Jensen thinks it shouldn’t turn his stomach or get his heart beating this fast.
He swallows hard and breathes deep to settle himself against the way Jared currently consumes so entirely. “Hungry?”
There’s another kiss lower on Jensen’s head, then the back of his neck. “Think I ate enough last night.”
The heated intent is obvious and Jensen thinks back to the couch and the extended time Jared dedicated to pleasing Jensen, and Jensen alone. They’d meant to come back to the bedroom for Jensen to return the favor, but they didn’t last long before drifting off.
Jared shifts forward, and Jensen can feel the weight of Jared’s morning hard-on pressing against the curve of his ass. Oh, he thinks, maybe they’ll make up for it now. And maybe Jared’s thinking the same because he tightens his embrace as he slides forward and hums against the back of Jensen’s neck. Whispers, “Can I?”
Jensen doesn’t know exactly what Jared’s asking; still, he’s certain the answer is almost always yes, so he hums and nods.
In seconds, Jensen’s pressed belly-down to the mattress and Jared’s straddling Jensen’s thigh, grabbing lube and a condom from the side table. Jared gets right business with his thumb pushing down the length of Jensen’s crack to tuck up against his asshole. Jensen cants his hips up for better access and buries his head in the pillows, buries his breathy moans in the cotton to maintain some sense of composure against the insistent press of that big thumb and Jared’s eager panting.
“Look at you,” Jared whispers. “You’re so damn beautiful.” He gets a lubed finger breaking through Jensen’s rim and releases a breathy sigh. “You know that? Just how fucking beautiful you are to me?”
Jensen bites down on his lower lip at the press of Jared’s long finger moving deep inside, not to mention the words. He nods against the pillow, because sure, he knows what he’s got and it’s made him incredibly successful and rich in this kind of work. But there’s something so real, so hopeful in Jared’s voice, more than just a blabbering client excited to have a pretty, willing thing in front of them.
Jared slips a second finger in and Jensen lifts his hips higher, rocking down onto Jared’s hand. Maybe it’ll get him stretched quicker, or maybe it’ll feed Jared well to be so needy. Jensen thinks back to last night and how he blames all the drinking for why he didn’t think, just reacted to every one of Jared’s moves, and he can feel his sturdy wall that allows him think beyond emotions sliding even further down.
So, probably not the alcohol. Just Jensen and his crumbling mask.
It crumbles a little more when Jared murmurs, “I can’t believe you do this for me,” with his free hand sliding up Jensen’s back. “Just for me.” He holds his fingers still inside while nudging a third at Jensen’s hole. “Somedays, I can’t believe I get to have this.”
Jensen pushes his forehead deeper into the pillow as he tries to imagine any meaning for those words than what immediately comes to mind. “Fuck, God,” he moans when the third finger pushes through and he tells himself it’s because of the stretch, not because he senses Jared’s words slinking along side his own feelings.
“That’s it, sweetheart,” Jared insists while grabbing Jensen’s ass and tugging him back on his fingers pushing deeper, forcing Jensen wider. “Talk to me. I wanna know how good it feels.”
It’s not like he isn’t asked that regularly, or like he doesn’t have a whole catalog of sayings for times like these. Dirty, sweet, begging, demanding and needy. But with Jared, he won’t go near it and falls on instinct, on what’s on his own mind because Jared is pure and kind, and he deserves just that in return.
Jared pushes his third finger in, stretching Jensen even more, fingertips slowly rubbing his insides and making Jensen keen. “C’mon, Jensen,” he pleads as he continues working his fingers into Jensen.
“Fuck, Jared,” he whines, restless with every touch. Jared’s got a big hand and long fingers, and somehow it seems like he’s reaching further inside than ever before. Sparks flickers behind Jensen’s eyelids and his muscles tremble, and he’s sure it isn’t just from the pressure of Jared’s fingers wrenching him open. He gets his arms beneath him to prop himself up on his elbows, head off the pillows so his words are clear. “It feels so fucking good.”
“Yeah?” he breathes out.
“It’s like your whole fucking hand is in me,” Jensen murmurs.
“Fuck. Can you imagine if you did that? If you could take all that?” Jared pulls his fingers out so just the tips tug at the rim, run around the edges of Jensen’s frayed nerves. Then he leans down to kiss just above Jensen’s hole in a gentle, careful little touch. “Is this enough?” he asks, voice low, yet nervous. “Is this good?”
Jensen sucks in a big breath and rocks back to reassure him. “You’re good.” He lets out a short laugh because it’s true; Jared has yet to do wrong in Jensen’s eyes. “You always know how to drive me crazy with your fingers.”
Jared’s hand drags up Jensen’s back again, then he’s moving up to cover him, shifting enough to keep his fingers insistently stretching Jensen open. He kisses behind Jensen’s ear and keeps his mouth there, asking, “Always?”
Air is trapped in Jensen’s chest and he shutters with Jared’s voice, his closeness, the ache deep in his gut that the answer is absolutely yes, every time, yes.
Those fingers press in tight and hold, but Jensen can sense Jared is trembling as he holds himself closer and admits, “You drive me crazy, too. Every single time I look at you. Sometimes, I just go absolutely insane that I get to have you.”
Jensen swings his hips to keep them moving along and huffs a little. “You get to have me right now. Gonna finish what you started?”
Jared whimpers right in Jensen’s ear before leaving another kiss behind it. He shuffles back and Jensen hears the condom wrapper and distinct squeeze of the lube, then slick movements as Jared must be getting ready to finally do this. Jensen plants his knees with his ass in the air, more than ready and willing.
Jared nudges at Jensen’s hole and rings the tip of his dick all around the rim, drawing out beautiful moans from deep in his throat while Jensen pulls the pillow to his face again and whimpers at the line of heat about to make its way inside.
It's a hard, wide press splitting Jensen open as Jared slinks into him. One long, torturous slide until he’s seated hips to Jensen’s ass, then just holds himself there with his palms in the mattress near Jensen’s shoulders. The bed shakes under both of them; Jensen’s knows his nerves are vibrating with anticipation, but maybe Jared’s shivering for more because he drops down over Jensen and slides his arms beneath him, holding tight before a minute shift of his hips starts a lazy rhythm.
He fucks Jensen languid and smooth, like they have all the time in the world, like there’s nowhere he’d rather to be than right here, right now, shoved deep inside Jensen. Like they’re secreted away from all outside pressures and never have to face obligations and obstructions after today. As if they only live in this very moment, and Jensen finds himself wishing with all he’s got that it’s true.
Jared must be, too, because he mouths along Jensen’s shoulder and murmurs, “I love this. Every single time, I just love it even more.”
Jensen reaches up to drag his hand at the back of Jared’s head, fingers curling into hair, wanting to say all he can without forcing words out. Without having to hear his voice crack and betray him with truth and emotion.
Their rhythm stutters here and there with Jared picking up the pace then slowing them down, and their noises get more insistent when he snaps his hips harder and fast. “I love you,” Jared whispers before choking off, like he had more to say but can’t get it out. He groans and kicks his hips faster, slapping sweaty skin, and Jensen is completely engulfed in everything Jared with their heads pressed together and Jared’s mouth running off again. “Love you like this, just letting me have this, to have you. I want this every day. Every morning. I just need you and this.”
Clenching his eyes shut, Jensen digs his head further into the pillow, strangled words and thoughts caught in the back of his mouth. He’s unable to contemplate all these feelings Jared’s dropping at his doorstep, incapable of responding as his mind spirals out of control and he can only react with his hips rolling back fast as he can to get them through this, to find the silent end.
Jared cries out with Jensen’s movements and finally gets back to his knees, holds onto Jensen’s hips, and then ratchets it up. He pounds fierce and hasty to the finish line, yanking Jensen back on his cock a few final times before he just holds Jensen right to his hips and breaks apart. He’s shivering as he sits back and brings Jensen with him, still deep inside, and fumbles his hand around to Jensen’s dick.
Pulled back like a rag doll, Jensen goes with it and drapes himself back to let Jared fist him, to tear him apart with little finesse. At this point, Jensen doesn’t need much and lets himself be held to Jared’s chest as the hand tugs at him and finally drags a shredded moan out of his mouth as he comes.
Once they’ve caught their breath, they move apart after and Jared groans about his leg muscles tightening up. “You’re too heavy,” Jared complains.
Thankful for the quick mood shift from the heady emotions, Jensen lifts an eyebrow and falls in line with their easy banter. “Oh, really?”
Jared simply smirks in reply.
“Look who’s talking, big guy.”
“It’s not like you did anything.” Jared stretches out sideways on the mattress, all while keeping his eyes on Jensen. “Just laid there the whole time.”
“As if,” Jensen tosses back with an eye roll.
Jared laughs as Jensen gets up for the shower, then tugs on Jensen’s hand as he passes. “Hey …”
Jensen stops and bites the corner of his mouth at the softness in Jared’s voice and the looseness of his fingers twisting around his own. The air thickens as he fears Jared continuing with devotions and confessions that Jensen can’t make himself return.
Jared doesn’t go on, just brings Jensen’s hand to his mouth and presses a kiss to the knuckles, then lets go to get on with his morning.
There isn’t much time left, but Jensen wastes extra time in the shower as he replays their morning, last night, and the couch, especially. Does his best to sort it all and convince himself that so much of it, if not all, was just playing his part. All for Jared. None for him.
He assures himself that’s exactly what it was when he’s just about out the door and Jared catches him by the arm. Jared has a light gleam in his eyes and pink cheeks as he tries to say goodbye. Instead, he just keeps opening and closing his mouth.
“Have a good day,” Jensen insists with a pressed smile, as he has every other morning like this.
Jared sucks in a deep breath and brings a hand up to cup Jensen’s face. He watches Jensen for a few seconds then leans in to kiss his forehead and whisper, “Thank you.”
Jensen nods against Jared’s forehead when Jared drags his nose down along Jensen’s. He’s certain Jared isn’t just saying that for wishing him a good day.
And he’s certain there’s more behind Jared’s gentle kiss to his lips, mouth barely there for a few long moments. There’s definitely something to the way Jared quickly with a mumbled, “Okay,” and heads to the bedroom without a second glance.
Jensen waits until he’s in the elevator to let it all settle together in his mind in a dark spiral. From some hidden corner, though, Jensen relives the casual touches and closeness of the night before, the easy way they took their time to talk and even celebrate Jared’s maybe-not-so-great promotion. To remember how lazy and unhurried they were this morning, both sliding right into it without much thought, to let their bodies lead the way without plans for anything other than pleasure.
Jared’s words, all flowing unbidden, echo loudly in Jensen’s ears, and he knows there’s no good to come from running down that road and dissecting every single sound. Still, he allows himself a tiny bit of leeway and considers the warm content filling his bones at a job well done. Jared’s gratification comes first in this arrangement and Jensen pats himself on the back for another successful evening, no matter how his own emotions twist him up.
Client satisfaction is #1, after all.
Words: 4800
Rating/Warning: NC-17/escort fic
Summary: Jensen is the escort, serving Business!Man!Jared, trying sort his feelings out
Notes: for
smpc. Next installment in the Domestic Dreams Verse, Jensen POV. Title from Imagine Dragons' Bad Liar.Read on AO3
The whiskey is to blame. And the wine. Or so Jensen tells himself.
As soon as he’d arrived, Jared served him a drink and then another as they settled into the couch and relayed through how was your day and it was fine, how was yours. Just how every meet-up starts, along with Jensen avoiding any details of exactly how he’s been spending his days while Jared regularly boast, or complains, about how his visits with shareholders have gone.
Sure, they often have a drink or two together, and Jensen regularly does with his other clients. Still, he knows better than to have too much, avoid putting himself into a bad situation without the good sense to navigate it. A tiny voice tells him that for all he knows if anything started to swing awry and Jensen said the word, Jared would immediately step back, self-consciously wringing his hands over what he did wrong. The problem is Jensen doesn’t trust himself. Not with Jared, not under these conditions, and yet there is that continuing force propelling Jensen through this charade, where he does all he can to keep Jared smiling, no matter the injury to his own emotions.
And so, before he’d realized it, Jensen’s on his third whiskey when dinner finally arrives.
Jared quickly jumps up to meet the delivery at the door then wheels it in, silver-domed plates, two bottles of red with wine glasses, and an array of deserts capping off the meal.
“Well, what’s this?” Jensen asks, trying his best sound curious and entertained by the surprise.
There’s a kooky slant to Jared’s smile that complements the way he won’t meet Jensen’s eyes when he brings the cart across the room. Jensen fails to ignore the way his stomach swoops or his brain recognizes just how adorable Jared is when trying to hide his intentions with a nervous voice. “I had a pretty good day today.”
Jensen sits up a little to make room for the tray in front of the couch. “Oh, yeah?”
Jared runs fingers through his hair a few times, lips still pursed in a crooked smile, deep dimples accenting the light blush coming to his cheeks. “Yeah. I uh … had a long talk today, with my boss, and I guess I’m being promoted.”
“Oh my God. You should’ve led with that.” Jensen laughs even when Jared still seems a bit chagrined as he flops beside Jensen. He grabs Jared’s shoulder and shakes with more laughter. “That’s so great. Tell me everything.”
“It’s alright,” Jared says with a quick glance over. “I mean, it’s great that I’m moving up ladder, and the raise is nice. Really nice. And I’m looking forward to getting out of all the bull shit of reporting.”
Jensen’s still smiling, but it cracks inside. The whole reason they can keep this arrangement up is Jared’s monthly trips for stakeholder reporting and if he’s no longer doing that does it mean they will no longer …
“It should be great. I know it should.” Jared huffs and slouches with his head on the back of the couch, eyes trained on the ceiling. “But it’s not like I’m really working my dream job or anything.”
“Does that mean you won’t –”
“That I won’t, what?” Jared asks.
When Jared looks at him, Jensen sucks in a breath at the vulnerability fresh and raw in those eyes. He’s known for a while that Jared isn’t exactly living his best life and this career of suits and ties with the Good Ole Boys Club is one of his biggest stressors, so he’s not surprised Jared is anything but excited about the prospect.
Still, he wants more than anything to help Jared see the positives in everything just to get the man smiling again.
Even when Jensen’s heart is racing and his mind spins at the idea that Jared wouldn’t be here anymore. Jensen shoves his own torment over that possibility away and offers Jared a kind smile. Jared returns it and Jensen feels an instant burst of warmth in his chest. He clears his throat and tries to look away, yet he can’t seem to move away from Jared now turning towards him, shifting closer. “All these meetings, do you still have to – ”
Jared rolls his eyes with a haughty laugh. “I can’t get out of that. But at least now I’ll be on the other end of the table and be the firing squad picking apart every detail on every page.”
“Well, that’s good.” He bites the corner of his mouth to stop his relieved smile. “That you’ll no longer be so stressed about it.”
With his hand sliding over Jensen’s knee, Jared inches even closer and tips his head while his gaze takes in all of Jensen’s face. “And we’ll still … ”
Jensen imagines Jared can’t finish that sentence without breaking the façade. And he knows he can’t honestly weigh his feelings without doing so, as well, so he smiles with a soft, “Good,” before leaving a kiss at the side of Jared’s mouth. To brighten them both up, he playfully smacks Jared’s knee and sits up for the cart awaiting them. “So, what’s on the menu tonight?”
Jared seems equally happy with the redirection and uncovers the entrees with a flourish. The plates are an artful display of surf and turf with carefully stacked vegetables. “Only the best for my favorite guy.”
Slowly, Jensen picks up a piece of asparagus and narrows his eyes. “If I was really your favorite …” Jensen deadpans.
“Don’t you worry. I didn’t forget.” He leans forward to reveal the third dome for a high pile of French fries.
“You love me,” Jensen teases with a bright grin. “You really love me.”
Jared chuckles and kisses the side of Jensen’s head. “I do,” he murmurs at Jensen’s hair.
There’s a quick shiver up Jensen’s back and he does all he can to overlook why Jared’s voice was so warm and quiet. A few hundred dollars’ worth of food and drink waits to be had and Jensen’s hunger rules out in the moment.
*
As they finish up the first bottle of wine and most of the food, Jared circles back to the conversation with his boss before leaving the office, how they sorted out his next five- and ten-year plans. Jensen’s never worked a traditional corporate job in his life, but has picked up enough from clients over the years. This kind of plotting should be encouraging to any employee, and yet, Jared again says this isn’t a dream job. Jensen knew, that, too, as he’d always seen self-conscious shrugging when Jared mentioned his career trajectory, which made Jensen realize that for all the success Jared has, there is so much failure threaded through his emotions.
If Jensen’s good at anything when it comes to Jared, it’s boosting him back up when he needed it. To bypass the doubt swirling around his brain and play the part of a good partner who will always be in Jared’s corner.
He supposes he could have done that without all the alcohol, but it helps loosen them both up. Gives Jensen a little more liquid courage to be bolder in his assertions that Jared is amazing and smart and could do anything he wanted to with great success.
The alcohol also helps Jensen dance around his own long-buried feelings and convince himself it’s all in good acting when he combs fingers through Jared’s hair and watches him, captivated, as he details the latest trades in the Clippers’ off season. It’s far from news, given Jensen’s day job, but the warm haze around them makes everything Jared say seem fascinating.
And Jensen convinces him there’s nothing selfish at all to continue playing with Jared’s hair and relish the feel of it on his hand or hang onto the lively cadence of Jared’s voice as he rambles on in his own alcohol-fueled haze.
Even now when they’re side by side on the couch and Jensen maybe isn’t paying full attention, too distracted by the glossy brightness of Jared’s eyes whenever he looks over, or the pinch of dimples in his cheeks when he smirks and laughs at himself.
“You’re not even listening, are you?”
Jensen blinks back to attention and nods. “Of course I am.”
“What’d I just say?”
“You just said …” Jensen tips his head and grins at him. “You said I’m not listening.”
Jared rolls his eyes, but he’s barely containing a slight giggle, so Jensen smiles proudly. “You’re an idiot.”
There’s a brief flash back to past conversations, texts, and all sorts of words exchanged. Jokes that have grown between them, and Jensen is a bit smug when he replies, “But I’m your idiot.”
The smile on Jared’s face evens out, then there’s softness in his eyes when he looks at Jensen. Really looks at him and leans in slowly. “Yeah, I guess you are.”
Jensen’s hand sinks deep into Jared’s hair as they kiss and he easily falls back onto the couch as Jared leads him down. They’re uncoordinated and drunk, but Jensen thinks it might be one of their best kisses for how languid and messy it gets, how quickly it ramps up, and Jensen’s squirming on the couch cushions to get even closer to him.
Jared grabs at Jensen’s leg, hitches it up over his hip, and grinds down into him with no finesse for either of them. Jensen still rolls right into every move, chasing the fireworks of their bodies sliding together, hips rolling in tempo for more friction between them. He keeps one hand at the back of Jared’s head to direct him through all the kissing and his other hand slinks down Jared’s back to grab his ass and tug him in even tighter. It’s still not enough. He’s not sure it ever will be, when he allows him to consider it.
It’s not about the arrangement right now, to pretend this is all domestic and sweet. Jensen’s well aware he’s just following Jared to get them both off, to stumble through this together and find their way out after. The alcohol drives him forward and his mind is a step too many behind his body acting to its own will.
The moans are dirty and so is Jared’s look when he pulls back to smile at him, and Jensen nearly whines at the loss of Jared’s body all over him “Why’re you stopping?”
“Just gotta get rid of a few things.” Jared sits up a bit to go through the buttons of Jensen’s shirt. Their hips are still rocking together, and the angle is all wrong, but the way Jared’s tongue peeks out between his lips and his eyes darken with want is all right.
Jensen’s breath gets shallow when Jared finally gets the shirt open, pushes the undershirt up, and leaves wet kisses down his chest. His heart pounds loud in his ears as Jared slinks down the couch with his mouth trailing further until he can get Jensen’s pants open and put his lips to use there.
When Jared licks up the underside of Jensen’s cock, Jensen kicks his hips up and his hands find their place in Jared’s hair again. Fingers flexing, he can’t decide between guiding Jared right where he wants him or just floating along to see where Jared takes them. Then Jared’s eyes are on him as he works, and Jensen’s sure Jared knows exactly what he wants, spreading his lips along the length of Jensen’s dick and running up and down the side of it with his tongue laving at the skin.
Jensen is sure it’ll be over too quick with Jared’s gaze so direct, unwavering, and drawing this line right between them. He can’t look away either when Jared opens his lips to the head of his cock and sucks, tonguing all along hole before finally sinking down. Jared’s taking his time to really treat Jensen with intense pressure and wet warmth soaking right into him, and Jensen suddenly realizes he can’t bear to do anything but let Jared overtake him, working his mouth so slow yet sensual. He’s spellbound by the magic of Jared’s eager mouth and his dark stare, enthralled by Jared, himself, and his incredible feat of patience to take his time with every subtle movement of his head to overwhelm Jensen with the carefully increasing pressure of his lips around his cock.
It’s mostly obscene how Jared ruts against the couch with Jensen’s dick spreading his lips and his gaze wide and open to Jensen. How he rests his hands under Jensen’s back and bobs up and down, unhurried, along with Jensen’s shallow sway of his hips and takes exactly what he needs. The intense stare says he knows he’s got Jensen right where he wants him.
Jensen thinks back to that one morning, months and months ago, when he woke Jared with a hand job. It should’ve been a sly and dirty wake-up call, yet Jensen couldn’t keep his eyes off Jared as he did it, and it was the first time he really allowed himself to understand the quicksand he’d trapped himself in. He wonders if that’s where Jared’s mind is at now, like he’s returning the favor, or wanting to relive the intimacy of that morning by daring Jensen to look away.
He wonders if Jared knows that he wouldn’t dare.
*
Jensen wakes slow and groggy, his hangover hitting him at the base of his skull when he manages to open his eyes. The first thing he sees is sunlight glaring through the windows, then it’s the glass on the table with whiskey left in it from late last night.
There’s a hard rock in his belly and he thinks it’s mostly due to dehydration, but he also considers the growing tenderness between them and how Jensen can’t do anything but tumble along with Jared without being able to sort his feelings to the side. It comes back to him slowly, how they’d continued to drink after sex on the couch, bringing glasses and the bottle of whiskey into the bedroom. It’d seemed like a good idea at the time … kind of like how saying yes to Jared’s proposition a few months ago didn’t seem like a bad idea.
He instantly regrets both, groaning to himself for all these mistakes he keeps making when Jared’s at the center of it.
The bed sinks behind him before Jared’s arm slides over Jensen’s waist and a warm, wide palm settles on his belly. Seconds later, Jared’s draped along his back and curling around Jensen, pulling him in with a low hum.
A quick check to the clock tells him there’s still another hour before he has get going with his day, even if he’d really love getting up for copious amounts of water, coffee, and a shower to wake him up. He should at least order breakfast so it gets here before he leaves, even if it means he only snags a piece of toast and bacon on the way out. Still, he can’t bear to move from this cozy hold.
Jared kisses the back of his head and hums again, his legs slipping between Jensen’s to keep them fully wrapped up in one another. His good morning is low and scratchy, and Jensen thinks it shouldn’t turn his stomach or get his heart beating this fast.
He swallows hard and breathes deep to settle himself against the way Jared currently consumes so entirely. “Hungry?”
There’s another kiss lower on Jensen’s head, then the back of his neck. “Think I ate enough last night.”
The heated intent is obvious and Jensen thinks back to the couch and the extended time Jared dedicated to pleasing Jensen, and Jensen alone. They’d meant to come back to the bedroom for Jensen to return the favor, but they didn’t last long before drifting off.
Jared shifts forward, and Jensen can feel the weight of Jared’s morning hard-on pressing against the curve of his ass. Oh, he thinks, maybe they’ll make up for it now. And maybe Jared’s thinking the same because he tightens his embrace as he slides forward and hums against the back of Jensen’s neck. Whispers, “Can I?”
Jensen doesn’t know exactly what Jared’s asking; still, he’s certain the answer is almost always yes, so he hums and nods.
In seconds, Jensen’s pressed belly-down to the mattress and Jared’s straddling Jensen’s thigh, grabbing lube and a condom from the side table. Jared gets right business with his thumb pushing down the length of Jensen’s crack to tuck up against his asshole. Jensen cants his hips up for better access and buries his head in the pillows, buries his breathy moans in the cotton to maintain some sense of composure against the insistent press of that big thumb and Jared’s eager panting.
“Look at you,” Jared whispers. “You’re so damn beautiful.” He gets a lubed finger breaking through Jensen’s rim and releases a breathy sigh. “You know that? Just how fucking beautiful you are to me?”
Jensen bites down on his lower lip at the press of Jared’s long finger moving deep inside, not to mention the words. He nods against the pillow, because sure, he knows what he’s got and it’s made him incredibly successful and rich in this kind of work. But there’s something so real, so hopeful in Jared’s voice, more than just a blabbering client excited to have a pretty, willing thing in front of them.
Jared slips a second finger in and Jensen lifts his hips higher, rocking down onto Jared’s hand. Maybe it’ll get him stretched quicker, or maybe it’ll feed Jared well to be so needy. Jensen thinks back to last night and how he blames all the drinking for why he didn’t think, just reacted to every one of Jared’s moves, and he can feel his sturdy wall that allows him think beyond emotions sliding even further down.
So, probably not the alcohol. Just Jensen and his crumbling mask.
It crumbles a little more when Jared murmurs, “I can’t believe you do this for me,” with his free hand sliding up Jensen’s back. “Just for me.” He holds his fingers still inside while nudging a third at Jensen’s hole. “Somedays, I can’t believe I get to have this.”
Jensen pushes his forehead deeper into the pillow as he tries to imagine any meaning for those words than what immediately comes to mind. “Fuck, God,” he moans when the third finger pushes through and he tells himself it’s because of the stretch, not because he senses Jared’s words slinking along side his own feelings.
“That’s it, sweetheart,” Jared insists while grabbing Jensen’s ass and tugging him back on his fingers pushing deeper, forcing Jensen wider. “Talk to me. I wanna know how good it feels.”
It’s not like he isn’t asked that regularly, or like he doesn’t have a whole catalog of sayings for times like these. Dirty, sweet, begging, demanding and needy. But with Jared, he won’t go near it and falls on instinct, on what’s on his own mind because Jared is pure and kind, and he deserves just that in return.
Jared pushes his third finger in, stretching Jensen even more, fingertips slowly rubbing his insides and making Jensen keen. “C’mon, Jensen,” he pleads as he continues working his fingers into Jensen.
“Fuck, Jared,” he whines, restless with every touch. Jared’s got a big hand and long fingers, and somehow it seems like he’s reaching further inside than ever before. Sparks flickers behind Jensen’s eyelids and his muscles tremble, and he’s sure it isn’t just from the pressure of Jared’s fingers wrenching him open. He gets his arms beneath him to prop himself up on his elbows, head off the pillows so his words are clear. “It feels so fucking good.”
“Yeah?” he breathes out.
“It’s like your whole fucking hand is in me,” Jensen murmurs.
“Fuck. Can you imagine if you did that? If you could take all that?” Jared pulls his fingers out so just the tips tug at the rim, run around the edges of Jensen’s frayed nerves. Then he leans down to kiss just above Jensen’s hole in a gentle, careful little touch. “Is this enough?” he asks, voice low, yet nervous. “Is this good?”
Jensen sucks in a big breath and rocks back to reassure him. “You’re good.” He lets out a short laugh because it’s true; Jared has yet to do wrong in Jensen’s eyes. “You always know how to drive me crazy with your fingers.”
Jared’s hand drags up Jensen’s back again, then he’s moving up to cover him, shifting enough to keep his fingers insistently stretching Jensen open. He kisses behind Jensen’s ear and keeps his mouth there, asking, “Always?”
Air is trapped in Jensen’s chest and he shutters with Jared’s voice, his closeness, the ache deep in his gut that the answer is absolutely yes, every time, yes.
Those fingers press in tight and hold, but Jensen can sense Jared is trembling as he holds himself closer and admits, “You drive me crazy, too. Every single time I look at you. Sometimes, I just go absolutely insane that I get to have you.”
Jensen swings his hips to keep them moving along and huffs a little. “You get to have me right now. Gonna finish what you started?”
Jared whimpers right in Jensen’s ear before leaving another kiss behind it. He shuffles back and Jensen hears the condom wrapper and distinct squeeze of the lube, then slick movements as Jared must be getting ready to finally do this. Jensen plants his knees with his ass in the air, more than ready and willing.
Jared nudges at Jensen’s hole and rings the tip of his dick all around the rim, drawing out beautiful moans from deep in his throat while Jensen pulls the pillow to his face again and whimpers at the line of heat about to make its way inside.
It's a hard, wide press splitting Jensen open as Jared slinks into him. One long, torturous slide until he’s seated hips to Jensen’s ass, then just holds himself there with his palms in the mattress near Jensen’s shoulders. The bed shakes under both of them; Jensen’s knows his nerves are vibrating with anticipation, but maybe Jared’s shivering for more because he drops down over Jensen and slides his arms beneath him, holding tight before a minute shift of his hips starts a lazy rhythm.
He fucks Jensen languid and smooth, like they have all the time in the world, like there’s nowhere he’d rather to be than right here, right now, shoved deep inside Jensen. Like they’re secreted away from all outside pressures and never have to face obligations and obstructions after today. As if they only live in this very moment, and Jensen finds himself wishing with all he’s got that it’s true.
Jared must be, too, because he mouths along Jensen’s shoulder and murmurs, “I love this. Every single time, I just love it even more.”
Jensen reaches up to drag his hand at the back of Jared’s head, fingers curling into hair, wanting to say all he can without forcing words out. Without having to hear his voice crack and betray him with truth and emotion.
Their rhythm stutters here and there with Jared picking up the pace then slowing them down, and their noises get more insistent when he snaps his hips harder and fast. “I love you,” Jared whispers before choking off, like he had more to say but can’t get it out. He groans and kicks his hips faster, slapping sweaty skin, and Jensen is completely engulfed in everything Jared with their heads pressed together and Jared’s mouth running off again. “Love you like this, just letting me have this, to have you. I want this every day. Every morning. I just need you and this.”
Clenching his eyes shut, Jensen digs his head further into the pillow, strangled words and thoughts caught in the back of his mouth. He’s unable to contemplate all these feelings Jared’s dropping at his doorstep, incapable of responding as his mind spirals out of control and he can only react with his hips rolling back fast as he can to get them through this, to find the silent end.
Jared cries out with Jensen’s movements and finally gets back to his knees, holds onto Jensen’s hips, and then ratchets it up. He pounds fierce and hasty to the finish line, yanking Jensen back on his cock a few final times before he just holds Jensen right to his hips and breaks apart. He’s shivering as he sits back and brings Jensen with him, still deep inside, and fumbles his hand around to Jensen’s dick.
Pulled back like a rag doll, Jensen goes with it and drapes himself back to let Jared fist him, to tear him apart with little finesse. At this point, Jensen doesn’t need much and lets himself be held to Jared’s chest as the hand tugs at him and finally drags a shredded moan out of his mouth as he comes.
Once they’ve caught their breath, they move apart after and Jared groans about his leg muscles tightening up. “You’re too heavy,” Jared complains.
Thankful for the quick mood shift from the heady emotions, Jensen lifts an eyebrow and falls in line with their easy banter. “Oh, really?”
Jared simply smirks in reply.
“Look who’s talking, big guy.”
“It’s not like you did anything.” Jared stretches out sideways on the mattress, all while keeping his eyes on Jensen. “Just laid there the whole time.”
“As if,” Jensen tosses back with an eye roll.
Jared laughs as Jensen gets up for the shower, then tugs on Jensen’s hand as he passes. “Hey …”
Jensen stops and bites the corner of his mouth at the softness in Jared’s voice and the looseness of his fingers twisting around his own. The air thickens as he fears Jared continuing with devotions and confessions that Jensen can’t make himself return.
Jared doesn’t go on, just brings Jensen’s hand to his mouth and presses a kiss to the knuckles, then lets go to get on with his morning.
There isn’t much time left, but Jensen wastes extra time in the shower as he replays their morning, last night, and the couch, especially. Does his best to sort it all and convince himself that so much of it, if not all, was just playing his part. All for Jared. None for him.
He assures himself that’s exactly what it was when he’s just about out the door and Jared catches him by the arm. Jared has a light gleam in his eyes and pink cheeks as he tries to say goodbye. Instead, he just keeps opening and closing his mouth.
“Have a good day,” Jensen insists with a pressed smile, as he has every other morning like this.
Jared sucks in a deep breath and brings a hand up to cup Jensen’s face. He watches Jensen for a few seconds then leans in to kiss his forehead and whisper, “Thank you.”
Jensen nods against Jared’s forehead when Jared drags his nose down along Jensen’s. He’s certain Jared isn’t just saying that for wishing him a good day.
And he’s certain there’s more behind Jared’s gentle kiss to his lips, mouth barely there for a few long moments. There’s definitely something to the way Jared quickly with a mumbled, “Okay,” and heads to the bedroom without a second glance.
Jensen waits until he’s in the elevator to let it all settle together in his mind in a dark spiral. From some hidden corner, though, Jensen relives the casual touches and closeness of the night before, the easy way they took their time to talk and even celebrate Jared’s maybe-not-so-great promotion. To remember how lazy and unhurried they were this morning, both sliding right into it without much thought, to let their bodies lead the way without plans for anything other than pleasure.
Jared’s words, all flowing unbidden, echo loudly in Jensen’s ears, and he knows there’s no good to come from running down that road and dissecting every single sound. Still, he allows himself a tiny bit of leeway and considers the warm content filling his bones at a job well done. Jared’s gratification comes first in this arrangement and Jensen pats himself on the back for another successful evening, no matter how his own emotions twist him up.
Client satisfaction is #1, after all.