R | Next time I See You, You'll Be Eating White Bread | AU

[dugindeep]

Title: Next Time I See You, You'll Be Eating White Bread
Pairing: Mike/Misha
Words: 1,400
Rating: R - a few swears
Summary: Misha spots Mike in the grocery store with a kid. Panic.
Notes: Written for the m2_homegoods bb/kid!fic meme (yes, we went there).



Misha has gone on four and a half dates with Mike. The one-half was strictly coffee and basically Misha’s chance to determine exactly how crazy the guy was before agreeing to a full evening out. He’s found out that Mike is indeed special in the way a mother would say while patting her ADHD child with a strained smile. Misha feels sort of the same way as that mother, but Mike is hot and funny and certainly entertaining when not embarrassing Misha. So he deals with it.

Until one day, he sees Mike roaming the local grocery store, leading a little boy – likely seven or eight – by the hand and introducing him to all the General Mills cereal characters. Misha can’t help the panic spread through him of Mike … with a son.

“ … the leprechaun brought all the charms down from the end of the rainbow,” Mike explains.

“But how did they fit a rainbow in the box?” the boy asks in return as he stares up at all the boxes on the shelves.

Mike scoots behind the boy and reels him in close. Misha notices how his hands are soft on the shoulders and how he tips his head in next to the boy’s. “It’s leprechaun magic.”

“Okay, but how?”

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Misha gasps in slight horror – it’s certainly a saying Misha’s heard before, but not directed to a child. The boy goes on, unfazed. “You said that about the Count Chocula.”

Mike stands, directing the boy with a hand on his head. “Cereal is a serious business, kiddo. Can’t be spreading all their secrets.” When Mike looks up, he smiles at Misha in surprise. “Hey, didn’t even see you.”

Misha’s eyes go between the boy and Mike, and he can feel how tense his smile is. “Yeah, no, I … I saw you. The whole time.”

He looks down at the boy and smiles. “This here is JJ. JJ, my friend Misha.”

JJ’s arm reaches for Misha, straight and formal and all kinds of polite. “Nice to meet you Misha. I’m JJ.”

Misha gives his best, friendly, easy smile and shakes the tiny hand. He even crouches down to his level. “Hi, JJ. It’s really nice to meet you, too.” The boy nods, seeming quite serious and Misha feels little pricks shuffle up the back of his neck.

The more he looks at the boy, the more nervous he is about Mike having an actual child. It’s not so much that ‘Mike slept with a woman,’ because Misha’s done that plenty of times before. It’s the ‘Mike has a responsibility.’ And a young, impressionable one at that. While Misha mentally checks out and panics at the situation, Mike is giving an excuse for them to continue on with their shopping trip and Misha nods his understanding.

Though they do run into each other at the check-out line and Misha crosses between disturbed by Mike’s qualities as a father and awed by how easily he does it.

He hears JJ say, “We forgot the Cool Whip!”

Mike looks around, taking in the long lines and the fact that he could potentially lose his close spot to run down the missing item. But then he smiles at Misha and waves him over. “You mind keepin’ in step with Double J? Forgot the all-important Cool Whip,” he smirks while ruffling up JJ’s hair.

“Yeah, sure,” Misha says happily, because he’s not going to leave a kid in a lurch.

Mike takes a few steps but then backs up and asks easily, “What’re you doing later? Gotta drop the lil punker off but maybe we can grab some dinner after?”

There are a few moments of Misha working his mouth and taking a breath, thinking entirely of JJ’s presence. He shrugs with a frown. “I have some other stuff. Maybe another day?”

“Hey, no problem,” Mike responds easily then jogs down the aisles.

“You like him.”

Misha looks down and tries to not smile, because yeah, he does, but this little revelation is throwing him for a loop.

“I like him, too. He’s really funny when he takes me out to the dog park and I chase Irv around.” Misha smiles and nods. “And we always get two scoops of ice cream after, because I have two Js in my name.”

He smirks, amused by the boy. “What’s JJ stand for?”

“Johnathan James,” he rattles off quickly. “My daddies are both named with a J, and so are their brothers, and they wanted to keep it going. I don’t think my uncles really care, but Daddy seems to think it’s really funny. He said it’s clever.” He pauses then says more calmly with a smile. “Poppy calls me JJ and Daddy says Johnny J. But Mike calls me Double J. I like that best.”

Misha stares, trying to take in every single word. He manages to ask, “You have two daddies?”

“Yep! Jared and Jensen. See! Two Js!”

He looks around for Mike as they scoot closer to the register, but he doesn’t see him. This little boy’s parade of words changes everything. “So, Mike’s not your daddy?”

“Oh my God!” he laughs. “No way. No way. Daddy says he wouldn’t let Mike into the house except to bring drinks and to babysit me. And Poppy likes floppy hair.”

Misha laughs, not even sure how to properly respond.

Mike appears with a bright smile. “Cool Whip regular. And Cool Whip chocolate.”

“Awesome!” JJ exclaims while grabbing at the chocolate package. “Daddy’s gonna love this.” He settles down for a moment as he gets a thoroughly thoughtful face and then smiles. “Poppy’s gonna killllll you.”

He laughs again, guiding JJ forward with a hand on his head. “Alright, buddy. Let’s worry about one father at a time.”

Misha goes with them in line and is surprised when no one really complains about cutting, and even more when Mike and JJ wait at the end of counter for him. They walk out together with JJ chattering on and on about the perfect ratio of hot fudge to sprinkles to Cool Whip.

Once in the parking lot, Misha stops suddenly and blurts, “I could go for some coffee.” Mike stares at him and Misha knows it’s weird to suddenly declare it after claiming to be busy, but it’s the best he can manage. “If you want. After you drop JJ off with his dads? Coffee might be nice.”

Mike’s smiling, but sounds wary. “Thought you had plans?”

“I did. But now I don’t. I’m free. Free for coffee.”

“Did you manage to cancel your plans in the last four minutes?”

Misha notices that JJ’s not paying attention and is instead rummaging through their bag of ice cream and toppings. He decides to just be honest. “No. But in the last four minutes you went from father to pretty awesome uncle.”

His laugh is loud and catches JJ’s attention. “You thought I was a dad?”

“You thought I was his kid?” JJ asks, almost as horrified as Misha had felt about the possibility.

“Um, yes, and yes?”

“Wow,” Mike smiles. “Funny how with girls, kids are a magnet. Yet, you were absolutely repulsed.”

“Not repulsed,” Misha argues quickly. “Just … shocked? You don’t exactly seem to have a parental nature.”

“He doesn’t,” JJ says while trying his best to read the Cool Whip label.

Mike lightly smacks the back of JJ’s head, but then relents. “I don’t. I’m a pretty kick ass uncle, though.”

“When you’re not swearing,” Misha suggests.

“He does swear a lot,” JJ says easily before his voice turns serious. “Mike, the ice cream’s gonna melt and then Daddy’s probably gonna cry and Poppy’s gonna be mad and all …” and JJ rolls his eyes with an emphatic sigh.

Mike laughs as he holds JJ’s shoulders and smiles down on him. “Yeah, you’re pretty darned right about.”

Misha immediately says, “Just call me when you’re done. No rush.”

As he turns JJ away, Mike has a quirky smile and leans in close. “Of course I’ll rush.” He plants a quick kiss then goes with JJ to his car.

Misha’s not sure that he’s any closer to figuring Mike out, or finding any responsible, redeeming qualities. But at least he has another date to try.