Hey folks! I survived a hellish April and May at work, and yet I can't believe it's June already. Oy vey!

June means spn_j2_bigbang and I'm posting on the FIRST DAY!!! (meep)

So next Thursday, June 8th, my Big Bang will go up, with art from thruterryseyes. Here's the summary ...

Wandering Lost
Hired by an eccentric billionaire, Jensen is tasked with transporting a '55 Ford F100 from California to New York. After the car breaks down, he's stuck in the middle of Kansas and spends a week getting to know a whole mix of oddballs he'd never spend a minute with back in NYC. "Not all who wander are lost," but Jensen's a little of both as he warms up to the townspeople and the local handyman, who is equal parts peculiar and charming. And maybe he even finds himself along the way.

Jensen's story is centered in a small town with dusty county roads; a one-block-long downtown area that has classic old feel of Middle America with an ice cream shop, diner, second-hand store, etc.; a quiet bed and breakfast; and garden parties and yard sales.

Can't wait to get this sucker out there! :D

Spent the last two days out on the East Coast for work meetings then crashing on cherie_morte's couch. Had lovely dinners and drinks with deirdre_c and riyku among others. Spent so much time reliving past laughter along with gushing over spn_j2_bigbang ideas, but not a whole lot of time writing. Got some done today and plan on more tomorrow when I'm back home.

Work is going to be nuts this coming week ... but I also took May 1st off to nail this whole thing down. *fingers crossed*

Here is my springfling fic for marietwist!

Title: Mama This Surely is a Dream
Pairing: J2
Rating: NC-17
Any warnings: slight underage: Jared is 17, Jensen 21
Summary: In 1997, there's summer heat, cropped shorts, and melted popsicles. Jared is mesmerized by each of them.
Read On: LJ/Comm Post | AO3

....

And I received the following!
Ink on the Sheets by gojyochan
She flew with my prompts in many lovely ways ... shouldn’t dip your ink in the company pen, bedtime rituals, and the way to really fly
Read On: LJ/Comm Post | AO3
Bonus photo aesthetic she made for the fic! [NSFW]

....

I did start to post old fics from LJ over to my AO3, but then got waylaid, obviously, by life and work and such. I did also open up a dreamwidth account by the same name [dugindeep], to be sure I got it. Not sure how I'll work between all these platforms just yet. I have an idea, but not the time just yet.

I have to say, though, that I had fun making new icons for it :D

I can't type meme without hearing MEE-MEE, like Jensen once thought it was pronounced ;-)

Stolen from matchboximpala


1. Where is your cell phone? on the desk, a few inches from my left hand.
2. Your hair? dirty blondish, half up to keep it out of my face.
3. Your dad? currently on a plane returning from vacation. also very weird and funny. I wonder how I got that way ...
4. Your other half? in hiding, apparently.
5. Your favorite food? PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

6. Your dream last night? I honestly don't remember, but I've been having THE WEIRDEST dreams lately, including returning to college and living with my old college roommates; chauffeuring Genevieve around so she could get a break from the kids, which were being watched by my mom???; just the weirdest stuff.
7. Your favourite drink? Root Beer mmmmm. I find it so weird that flat root beer is SO SO SO grossly sugary compared to the real stuff?
8. Your dream/goal? I have many. But overall, to be happy and healthy.
9. What room you are in? I'm at work, so it's just one big open-office format room.
10. Your hobby? Is TV a hobby? Crime shows? Pizza?

11. Your fear? OOOF I hate big bugs and spiders so much. But I do have a basic fear of failing/being seen as failing. Also heights, even when I love roller coasters.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Hopefully still employed, but moving up (even more), maybe living in a nicer place, in a relationship, etc.
13. Where were you last night? Went out for drinks and appetizers with an old friend, sat out on a patio with the 70-degree weather, then came home and finished watching the Great British Bake-Off! (my newest obsession; watched two full seasons this weekend)
14. Something that you aren't? A morning person.
15. Muffins? Sure ... I'm not opposed but not super excited for them.

16. Wish list item? To be truly loved (by significant other that is); go to Italy; write a book.
17. Where you grew up? Chicago suburbrs.
18. Last thing you did? Translate then tweet at somer in German, because I'm in a silly mood.
19. What are you wearing now? Black pants, casual black gym shoes, dark grey v-neck with black fabric in the back.
20. Your TV? Is at home ??? lol

21. Your pets? Lucy and Shep!! They've been well documented on the internet.
22. Friends? Overall, few but absolutely amazing <3333
23. Your life? Up and down ... with busy-ness, work, personal relationships, mood, etc.
25. Missing someone? Many fandom peeps I have been spoiled with seeing a lot over the last year.

26. Car? Is not here ... in parking lot at my apartment building.
27. Something you're not wearing? A tiara?
28. Your favorite store? Target, though it's also the worst. "I just need toilet paper and a birthday card ... *walk out with $200 worth of bags*
29. Your favorite color? Purple.
30. When is the last time you laughed? Little over an hour ago with coworker friends I haven't seen in a while (between my work schedule and their vacations)

31. Last time you cried? Friday night watching TV. Can't remember what it was, but I remember I started tearing up and having all this pressure like I wanted to sob or something. Honestly can't remember what it was though ...
32. Who will redo this? Not sure, but anyone should!
33. One place that you go to over and over? I've honestly sat here for a full minute to think up a place. I thought of events that aren't always in the same spot ... like camping in a forest, Foo Fighters concerts, etc. Then thought "White Sox games!" because we go a few times a year to that stadium.
34. One person who emails me regularly? I keep in touch with my old boss, snarking over coworkers or random corporate stuff, also sharing random rumblings that are interesting.
35. My favorite place to eat? For fast/casual food, Portillo's with its yummy italian beef and cheese fries mmmmmm.

I've been SLAMMED at work the last few days and have only picked up snippets of what the new LJ Terms of Service mean. Still trying to catch up on anything that's occurred in the last four days, in life, news, fandom, etc.

But what I'm gathering is I better make sure ALL fics are backed up to AO3. I will work on that as time allows coming up.

As a reminder, here is my stuff on AO3. Hotsauce and pseudonym dugindeep

Long time no ... talk? type? certainly not see, eh?

So a few new things have popped up lately that have been pretty good:
> new boss is lovely and supportive and works from home, which means I can on occasion without judgement
> insomnia is finally under control thanks to ambien and more regular weekend sleep schedules
> i've joined the gym with my brother and go a few times a week - just walking, nothing special, but always at least 30 minutes, sometimes 60
> also eating better - again, nothing huge of a change, but enough to make smarter choices
> all of this combines to my mood being fantastically different than it was over the last few months*
> just yesterday found out my annual review was rated 'exceptional,' and i received a promotion and raise!

*To be honest, for most of the time since September, I was feeling rather miserable. I don't remember who I talked to or how much, but at Chicon last year, I had a bit of a breakdown when someone asked Jared about coping with mental illness. His answer was very lovely about having a support system and that he went to his family when he needed it ... and I just fell apart mentally, remember how rough the last few years have been for me, yet my family is always focused on something else or don't take me seriously when I talk about how I feel. So I felt pretty lonely for a long while and kept a lot in. In January I had another break down when my insomnia was terrible and affecting my work in awful ways (like sleeping through the day, claiming to work from home but not doing anything for days, having to work entire weekends to catch up on deadlines, etc.).

I wound up finally opening up to my new boss, a coworker, and a few other people. I was welcomed with open arms and loving support ... when I had been absolutely anxious about judgment. When I told my counselor how shocked I was by their response and their being supportive, she said 'because you let them be.' So lately, I've tried to be more open and honest about my feelings. I've been making semi-regular Facebook posts about it ... like 'if you ever wondered what highly functioning anxiety looks like ...' and describing my day, where my brain runs wild for no good reason. I've been happily surprised by the responses of folks either empathizing with 'I could have written this post' or being supportive with 'I'm always here if you need anything' or 'you're so amazingly strong, I love you' type of responses. Ever since then, my mood has improved exponentially.

I also accept that my eating better, exercising, etc., are helping. It's a bit like the chicken or the egg ... did my mood start to improve so I started doing all these things, or did my doing these things improve my mood? Either way, I've felt far better than I have in a few years and am learning to A) celebrate all my baby steps, each day, all the time; B) give myself a break when I don't make "the best" decisions; and C) support everyone else around me - because I love spreading the love when I'm in these moods, and how can I say I don't feel supported if I'm not trying to pay it forward?

ANYWAY! That's the big things going on with me, basically.

Well.

There may be one new development.

I can't explain it.

I have no good reason.

But uh ... ( A new guy? )

I survived VegasCon! Only lost a few *muffle* dollars on video poker and slots, but gained a shit ton of memories that were of the most excellent variety. Not only thanks to J2 and all the other amazing guests, but with the wonderful people I hung out with throughout the week. And it was a lot ... like 20 something? rozearkana was keeping track prior to the con of who we knew that was attending and we got to 20 ... then some others popped around that we said hi to, had dinners, drinks, something or other with.

I roomed with rozearkana and kelleigh, and it was just the most mellow and lovely experience sharing a space for that long. We also sort of became the hang-out place and folks came by on Thursday for an SPN watch and pizza party, including souslelys, vatititech, bewarethesmirk, fiercelynormal, lavishsqualor, cherie_morte, and a bunch of others whose LJ names I can't remember at the moment. But it was most excellent to watch it with company and hear all the groans and moans and whimpers and laughter, and just experience it with a big group.

On Monday, we had a van and six of us trekked down to the South Rim (heh) of the Grand Canyon! I had never been! Vegas, I've seen a half dozen times before, but this was a totally different ball game! Such amazing nature that I knew was there, but never thought about the full scope of it. Just utterly amazing. And somehow also terrifying? I mean, I hate heights, but I love roller coasters, so I thought I'd be really a-okay. But the spots where you can walk out on rocks hovering over the abyss? NOT COOL. Especially when cherie_morte climbed over the side to a ledge that I DID NOT KNOW WAS THERE OR HOW BIG IT WAS AND I FREAKED OUT AND YELLED AT HER. She likes to laugh at me about it. But it really did terrify me.

Not so terrifying, however, are a few pics snapped throughout our time ...

( VegasCon 2017 )

I indeed am in Ohio for work meetings. It's an office I used to come to a lot, then haven't been here in about 4-5 years, so it's kind of fun to see these folks again. Sadly the weather is not any warmer than in Chicago, which I had been hoping for when I decided to not bring my winter jacket :-\ At least I'm only running in and out of buildings.

I rarely buy coffee outside of the office, since we get it for free, even when terrible. But today I have Starbucks and it is tasting like the best stuff on earth right now. Skinny Vanilla Latte. This is the only fancy coffee drink I ever get, anywhere. Otherwise it's just coffee with cream and sugar because I don't trust those other joints.

Last night I fell asleep watching Lockup at the hotel. I used to watch it religiously, then decided I need something a little more uplifting in my life. Though that doesn't explain why I watch so much other shit TV lol. Sometimes I'm just amazed to see how people survive in there, or the background on what got them there. One girl stabbed a guy with a butcher knife, and I say 'girl' because she was only 20. Then she threw a temper tantrum like a child when she was sentenced to stay in jail despite her personal believe she had plead out to probation.

Totally off topic ... I realized it's probably been forever since I showed pics of the kitters! Shep continues to grow, but Lucy is relatively the same wee lil kitty.

( kitty pics )

Title: Slow Burn
Warnings: pot use, mentions of past drug use, fleeting mention of past infidelity, gross thievery of current NYE shenanigans (mine)
Summary: Jared's good and drunk while Jensen's warm and high.
Notes: Pinch hit for 2016 spn_j2_xmas, for buticankarriyou's prompt for shotgunning. Big thanks to the fangirl NYE commune group of kelleigh, cherie_morte, zubeneschamali, and quickreaver for a variety of brainstorming, beta, and words.

Read on AO3

( found you )