I've Got My Hands Up So Take Your Aim

... here is some random stuff.

> I chipped my back lower right molar a few days ago. Honestly, it's been chipped for a while following a bad filling falling out. But it's getting worse. I already have an appt to get it looked at next Monday but now it's a bit worse and I keep scratching the inside of my mouth :(

> Finally got to sleep last night ... though fell asleep far later than I should have. Maybe I had too much caffeine yesterday to stay awake that the ambien didn't really matter? But then I overslept and am working from home but have been distracted by all sorts of other work things that I haven't gotten much done on my real work assignment.

> I got a ticket to Paley Fest to see J2! Also exciting is being able to visit friends in California that I haven't seen in a long while, including my old boss who is now in San Francisco and an old work friend who is also there and also very very pregnant with her first baby.

> I was off for a few weeks to recharge into the new year then just have been working from home a lot ... meaning a lot of TV. I've watched:

- TV: three seasons of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Ozark S1, Top of the Lake: China Girl S2, Top Chef Masters, Dave Chapelle's new stand up, the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel S1, Fuller House S3,
- Movies: Marshall, Fun Moms Dinner, Inside Man, American Gangster, 6 Souls, Pitch Perfect 3, Carol, Girls
Night, Miss Sloan, Room, and I, Tonya
- Documentaries: The Keepers, A Gray State, Disgraced, Jim and Andy, Gilbert, The Life and Death of Martha P. Johnson, Ashley Madison, One of Us, American Tragedy, The Moors Murders

> Things I've started and not been able to get into: Master of None, The Crown, Kevin Probably Saves the World, Wormwood, Mindhunter, The Magnificent 7, Love & Friendship, Mockinjay Part 2, Spiderman

Long time no ... talk? type? certainly not see, eh?

So a few new things have popped up lately that have been pretty good:
> new boss is lovely and supportive and works from home, which means I can on occasion without judgement
> insomnia is finally under control thanks to ambien and more regular weekend sleep schedules
> i've joined the gym with my brother and go a few times a week - just walking, nothing special, but always at least 30 minutes, sometimes 60
> also eating better - again, nothing huge of a change, but enough to make smarter choices
> all of this combines to my mood being fantastically different than it was over the last few months*
> just yesterday found out my annual review was rated 'exceptional,' and i received a promotion and raise!

*To be honest, for most of the time since September, I was feeling rather miserable. I don't remember who I talked to or how much, but at Chicon last year, I had a bit of a breakdown when someone asked Jared about coping with mental illness. His answer was very lovely about having a support system and that he went to his family when he needed it ... and I just fell apart mentally, remember how rough the last few years have been for me, yet my family is always focused on something else or don't take me seriously when I talk about how I feel. So I felt pretty lonely for a long while and kept a lot in. In January I had another break down when my insomnia was terrible and affecting my work in awful ways (like sleeping through the day, claiming to work from home but not doing anything for days, having to work entire weekends to catch up on deadlines, etc.).

I wound up finally opening up to my new boss, a coworker, and a few other people. I was welcomed with open arms and loving support ... when I had been absolutely anxious about judgment. When I told my counselor how shocked I was by their response and their being supportive, she said 'because you let them be.' So lately, I've tried to be more open and honest about my feelings. I've been making semi-regular Facebook posts about it ... like 'if you ever wondered what highly functioning anxiety looks like ...' and describing my day, where my brain runs wild for no good reason. I've been happily surprised by the responses of folks either empathizing with 'I could have written this post' or being supportive with 'I'm always here if you need anything' or 'you're so amazingly strong, I love you' type of responses. Ever since then, my mood has improved exponentially.

I also accept that my eating better, exercising, etc., are helping. It's a bit like the chicken or the egg ... did my mood start to improve so I started doing all these things, or did my doing these things improve my mood? Either way, I've felt far better than I have in a few years and am learning to A) celebrate all my baby steps, each day, all the time; B) give myself a break when I don't make "the best" decisions; and C) support everyone else around me - because I love spreading the love when I'm in these moods, and how can I say I don't feel supported if I'm not trying to pay it forward?

ANYWAY! That's the big things going on with me, basically.

Well.

There may be one new development.

I can't explain it.

I have no good reason.

But uh ... ( A new guy? )

Doctor says it's all sinus congestion leading into the beginnings of a chest cold. I have a Z-Pak plus inhaler to battle the stuff off before it gets worse. I slept most of yesterday away and woke up feeling even WORSE than when I laid down to "nap." This morning, I woke up around 5am and couldn't go back to sleep. I did some work in bed for a few hours then tried to nap for an hour before my doctor's appointment, but never really fell asleep. I'm looking forward to napping very soon.

We are also suppose to be getting about a foot of snow throughout the weekend. My parents both joked at least I'm sick over a weekend I can't go anywhere anyway. I'm still feeling bummed about it because I'd rather be well enough to be doing things ... like cleaning my apartment, sewing, writing, etc.

I watched the SPN Fall Finale last night and ... I don't know. I've been doing this whole Team Lowered Expectations thing for a long while now ... and I've been pleasantly surprised with this season thus far. Then this episode happened and I was just like 'ugggggh.' It's likely also thanks to being sick because I wasn't fully aware of what all was going on and kept thinking WTF? throughout it. But then again, the midseason finales are usually a bowl of WTF. I just hate having these episodes where there's so much stuff going on that Sam and Dean are only on screen for a fraction of the episode and don't actually DO anything. I think that's why most of this season thus far has been good because of the return to MotW mode.

I have been staying up WAY too late lately. WHY? I WAS BEING SO GOOD FOR A WHILE.

Last night I told myself it was okay because I was working at the local office, meaning I slept until 8:10am, showered, drove five minutes, and started at 8:30am, as opposed to getting up at 7:15am and taking the train downtown. Still a terrible idea because I've been dragging ass the last two days.

I am still combing through the Friending Meme to comment and friend folks! Right after I was all 'HURRAH LET'S BE MORE ACTIVE!' my RL was active and when I was on LJ, it was mostly to do modly things. I'm around now a bit, though work is also picking up with a few extra assignments.

In the meantime, I've gotten into sewing and making these little pouch bag things. I signed up for an arts and crafts exchange here on LJ and then kept procrastinating on my creation until this weekend. Now I've made like three more things since I finished the one on Saturday. I just need new/better fabrics to do more fun things with. Maybe some extra supplies to dress it all up. What kinds of crafty things do other folks do? It's been nice to do ~something~ while random TV is on; some kind of activity that takes brain power but isn't draining. I'm not GREAT at sewing--can't make a straight line to save my life--but I'm enjoying it and am tempted to dip my toes into some other areas. Mind you, I don't have a sewing machine, place for it, or the money to buy one, sooo I'm doing everything by hand! LOL

( the crafts! )

TOTALLY OFF TOPIC!!!
In the post I made encouraging folks to spend a little more time in fandom, some people talked about being new to LJ and fandom, not knowing where/what to look for and all that. So then I was thinking of making a post where people can ask and/or post about different comms and resources, tricks of LJ, etc. Is this something that I should start up? Or maybe just post a little bit at a time? Is anyone else interested in helping to compile lists of these types of resources?

My new favorite find is at Aldi, Priano Pipe Rigate. Not only is it super cheap because ALDI, but the shapes are insanely perfect for making pasta dishes. They're basically a cross between shells and rigatoni, so you can get tons of goodness tucked inside for maximum flavor.



This has been perfect with homemade mac 'n cheese, pasta salad, and my easy, lazy, comfort food of butter and parmesan cheese noodles. I typically just cook a whole bag of this pasta then split it up into different things. And right now, I'm eating the butter and parm pasta, and feeling insanely happy for how cheap, easy, and delicious it is.

That's my one big, fat #happything for the past few days :-*

Thing the first: spn_j2_bigbang is a go. Even when I said at least three times in the month of April that I would not do it - mostly because of the pressure of getting a draft in, and also because I couldn't decide what the hell to write. I was going with a story I owe cleflink from a charity purchase ages ago (I legitimately cannot remember when it happened), and then last Monday night, I was struck with a brand new idea thanks to a performance on The Voice. I wrote 1K that night then somehow got another 19K written between Tuesday and Friday, at approximately 10:30pm CST. It was crazy to get done in between work and RL plans, but it was achieved. I will admit that I loved the camaraderie of #TeamProcrastination to push each other forward throughout the week.

Thing the second: I do have approximately 8K of Clef's charity fic to finish sometime soon (hopefully). Even if I totally stalled on it because I couldn't figure out an ending that felt like it actually worked.

Thing the third: Sounds like #TeamProcrastination will re-emerge this month for Meant to Be, which I also have to write for at some point by the end of the month, in between all my work deadlines.

WHY FIC WHY????

It has been quite a few weeks with stress and work travels and nonsense, but the good news is I survived being the Interim Boss and my real boss is now back and happy that the ship did not blow up. GO ME.

In not-so-GO-ME news ... I had a random li'l nugget of a fic idea that I posted on Twitter for shits and giggles. Then some assholes (namely zubeneschamali, tebtosca, and cherie_morte) harassed me about it. Of course now I can't get it out of my head, and REALLY WANT TO WRITE IT FOR BB.

So, for those counting at home ... this is the FOURTH Big Bang where I insisted I was finishing a WIP then came up with an entirely new idea to go with instead. Au revoir Pacific Rim recreation and bonjour Non-AU Future Fic idea. (that is the extent of my French)

I am so weak to peer pressure

This afternoon, I'm head out to Massachusetts for work meetings. I'm flying on American Airlines, which I have not done in AGES, but it was a corporate rate and good schedule-wise. Of course, I left checking in until the last minute and am now trying to do so before leaving the office for the airport.

No matter what I try to do - change seats, upgrade my boarding to an better option, or just dang check-in and print my ticket - I get this message:



I'm finally sympathetic to Jared's needs.

I also really miss Southwest.

I am having Quite The Day, today. I'm likely PMSing, but every little thing is making me cranky. RAR.

I've decided to stare at this picture instead.



Also, let's play a Questions Game ... you can ask me any question whatsoever (re: fic, fandom, work, personal, etc.) and I will answer it in some way, shape, or form.

Yesterday's post-alooza was fun, yes? LET'S KEEP GOING THEN!

My randomness is that I got in about 15 mins late today because of train issues ... but my boss was back from vacation and I didn't want her to think I was back to my old ways, so I rushed up to the office rather than stopping to get a bagel at the Au Bon Pain in the lobby of our building. Then I got side-tracked with random stuff, doing a quick work task, catching up with boss, and next I knew, it was 9:40am and I was still hungry. I was going to still get a bagel but saw a Panera box full of danishes in the kitchen so I took an apple one. YAY FREE BREAKFAST.

Here's another random story: I stopped at Walgreens after work yesterday because my heel is aching thanks to the walking. I asked the pharmacist about a shoe insert for plantar fasciitis (which I believe I have thanks to mayoclinic.org), and he handed me a ball insert ... not like that ;-) but for the balls of your feet, for women to put in dress shoes. I was like 'uh, no, I need it for the heel?' He told me to just put the ball thing in the heel of my shoe since that's where the pain is. I said, "I saw things online that talked about arch support also helping plantar fasciitis?" He said, "Well if it hurts in your arch, then yeah, get an arch support." This seemed wholly unhelpful so I thanked him for his time, waited for him to go back to the pharmacy, then saw TWO DIFFERENT TYPES OF ARCH SUPPORT FOR PLANTAR FASCIITIS. So I bought the generic one and left. I have them in my gym shoes right now - a lower-end, casual type with little sole or support - and it feels a lil tight and weird, but overall okay. And much less pain!

Speaking of Walgreens, did you know they sold vibrators? They're currently on clearance!

Totally off topic, I'm still doing a Timestamp commentfic meme if you'd like to prompt anything!