I've Got My Hands Up So Take Your Aim

Long time no ... talk? type? certainly not see, eh?

So a few new things have popped up lately that have been pretty good:
> new boss is lovely and supportive and works from home, which means I can on occasion without judgement
> insomnia is finally under control thanks to ambien and more regular weekend sleep schedules
> i've joined the gym with my brother and go a few times a week - just walking, nothing special, but always at least 30 minutes, sometimes 60
> also eating better - again, nothing huge of a change, but enough to make smarter choices
> all of this combines to my mood being fantastically different than it was over the last few months*
> just yesterday found out my annual review was rated 'exceptional,' and i received a promotion and raise!

*To be honest, for most of the time since September, I was feeling rather miserable. I don't remember who I talked to or how much, but at Chicon last year, I had a bit of a breakdown when someone asked Jared about coping with mental illness. His answer was very lovely about having a support system and that he went to his family when he needed it ... and I just fell apart mentally, remember how rough the last few years have been for me, yet my family is always focused on something else or don't take me seriously when I talk about how I feel. So I felt pretty lonely for a long while and kept a lot in. In January I had another break down when my insomnia was terrible and affecting my work in awful ways (like sleeping through the day, claiming to work from home but not doing anything for days, having to work entire weekends to catch up on deadlines, etc.).

I wound up finally opening up to my new boss, a coworker, and a few other people. I was welcomed with open arms and loving support ... when I had been absolutely anxious about judgment. When I told my counselor how shocked I was by their response and their being supportive, she said 'because you let them be.' So lately, I've tried to be more open and honest about my feelings. I've been making semi-regular Facebook posts about it ... like 'if you ever wondered what highly functioning anxiety looks like ...' and describing my day, where my brain runs wild for no good reason. I've been happily surprised by the responses of folks either empathizing with 'I could have written this post' or being supportive with 'I'm always here if you need anything' or 'you're so amazingly strong, I love you' type of responses. Ever since then, my mood has improved exponentially.

I also accept that my eating better, exercising, etc., are helping. It's a bit like the chicken or the egg ... did my mood start to improve so I started doing all these things, or did my doing these things improve my mood? Either way, I've felt far better than I have in a few years and am learning to A) celebrate all my baby steps, each day, all the time; B) give myself a break when I don't make "the best" decisions; and C) support everyone else around me - because I love spreading the love when I'm in these moods, and how can I say I don't feel supported if I'm not trying to pay it forward?

ANYWAY! That's the big things going on with me, basically.

Well.

There may be one new development.

I can't explain it.

I have no good reason.

But uh ... ( A new guy? )

After watching a bazillion crime shows (both real and fictional), it suddenly hit me that with all the times J2 touch one another, there has to be tonnnnnnnnns of touch DNA all over there bodies. And now I'm OBSESSED with the notion, and want fic where awkward/reserved!Crime!Scene!Investigator!Jensen is always mentally imagining the DNA that Jared leaves on his clothes and body, and vice versa :DDDD

Facebook's memories popped up this pic from three years ago today. My heart is so warm now (especially as my brain is so dead from working too much this week).



And today, my mom emailed me while she's taking care of the cats (as I'm in Columbus for work all week), and said "Look who was waiting for me..."

Apparently it is the lovely big_heart_june's birthday today?! Yesterday?! I don't know, I only saw people posting to her and I lost track of time because my brain is mush lately.

ANYWAY! Belated love is still love! ♥



( More Freckles and Dimples and such )

So I says to plasticine_star: Hey Nish, it's your birthday soon! What do you want?

And her only answer was 'Ackles Freckles!'

As if I could resist?

It's a day early, but no less important! Happy birthday, bb!



( a few more this-a-way )

Okay ... here are the two photo ops with the boys and rozearkana, lj-cut for your pleasure ;-)

( Read more... )

Ugh, I've fallen behind again. Partly because of busyness, partly because I didn't care for upcoming questions, and partly just because. Here is my attempt to catch up.

( A bunch of days in a row )

The other day I saw a picture of a toy cowboy riding a cat. My brother asked why I never do that. So I made this instead:


When in doubt, add Han Solo.

Last night while watching the SPN Finale, JUST at the moment they first showed Crowley, Shep jumped onto the TV stand and stared at the screen, eventually lying down while Crowley enjoyed his massage.


Affectionately known as Shep & Shep: Ladykillers

And in case you hadn't noticed, Shep is HUGE and Lucy is still teeny tiny.


She is definitely the cranky!Jensen in this relationship.