J2 | In Your Honor | NC-17 (Part Three)

[dugindeep]

Part Two





"Cortese!" Jensen calls as he jogs after the tiny brunette.

She doesn't slow down and he hurries around a corner, snagging her elbow back. With a rough jerk, she spins away and sets her jaw. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry," he offers with his hand up in peace.

"Yes, sorry is right. And it's Major Cortese."

"So you did hear me?" He lifts an eyebrow. "And you're still pissed at me, I see."

"So you're not as stupid as you look?"

"Hey, wai-"

Cortese stands at attention, shoulders and limbs perfectly perpendicular. "No, you wait. I have been helping you at the request—"

"Wouldn't really call it helping," Jensen insists.

"Of the Commander, and up until you decided to disrespect the process, I was happy to help you."

He scowls at her as her attitude continues to rise. "Wouldn't call it happy either."

She sucks in a quick breath. "So now that you've got yourself a partner and a real mission, perhaps you can take care of your own self and let the rest of us get back to our real jobs."

Jensen leans back is if physically hit by her anger. Sure, they’ve traded some tense words after he almost crushed Amell's shoulder. And certainly, his walking out on her wasn't the most pleasant. Still, he remains confused about the abrupt addition of a chip on her shoulder.

“Where’s this coming from?” he asks, waving his hand in front of her. “‘Cause, I get that I pissed you off the other day, bu—”

“It’s not just the other day,” she insists. Her eyes narrow threateningly, and Jensen is left to wonder what that means when she quickly turns on her heel and marches off.

Jensen watches her go, distracted by the parties walking all around him, groups parting around him then glancing back in annoyance that he’s refused to move.

“She’s pretty hot, huh?”

He blinks at the distraction and finds Chris at his side, fondly watching where Cortese has disappeared.

“And such a stinkin’ spitfire, ya know?” Chris grins cheekily and elbows Jensen. “You like a challenge?”

“Not quite,” he answers slowly. Because he surely does… as far as Jared is concerned. “Besides, I think I’m too far on her bad side.”

“She’s just real protective of the Commander.” Chris motions forward, taking a few steps, and asking Jensen to grab a coffee.

They’ve gotten along just fine thus far, the affable friendship reinforced by their time test driving the day before, so it’s not too bad an idea. Plus, Jensen will never turn down coffee. Or a chance to hear more about Jared.

Once they’re settled at a table far in the corner of the Mess, Jensen fiddles with the lid on his coffee and paces himself with his exploration. “So I take it the Major’s attitude is pretty well known around here?”

Chris immediately nods. “Definitely. Especially after their crash.” He suddenly laughs, takes a healthy sip, and leans forward on the table. “Right, of course you don’t know, going MIA and all.”

Jensen eyes him. “I thought you didn’t know...”

“You think anyone can spend a night here and not know? Come on.”

“Fair enough,” he waves on.

“They drifted together for a while, not too long after you jumped ship.”

It’s said casually—maybe too casually for Jensen’s comfort. Still, he tempers down his flinch and instead focuses on a lot of quick, short sips to distract himself from staring, enthralled, throughout the story.

“And he seemed really comfortable with her, and she with him. But kind of unbalanced, like she was there to prop him up and he was just happy to be standing again, ya know?”

“Cortese and Jared?” Jensen attempts to make it more about seeking confirmation than disbelief, shock, or even pain. That Jared could drift with someone else … be that compatible to make it work more than just once or twice … all of Jensen’s memories of them immediately cheapened in his mind.

Or maybe quite the reverse, as he instantly weighs each moment in hindsight, flips it over and inspects every single edge.

Jensen doesn’t realize he’s been staring across the room for so long until Chris taps his hand for attention. “You okay there?”

“Yeah, I, uh,” he says quickly but then stumbles to get anything else meaningful out. “I mean, I’m sure you know, about Jared—the Commander—and me. That we drifted together before. That we were, you know, like, whatever.”

Chris smirks and shakes his head. “Yeah, you were something. Everyone knows that. Probably why they’re all stuck on watching you walk around this place. Sleeping with your partner’s one thing. With the Commander? Not really acceptable now, you know?”

“That’s not … I’m not.” Jensen stops short and rearranges his thoughts. It doesn’t do him any good, though, and he’s struggling to keep his hands from shaking and his knees from bouncing and his head from swiveling right off his head with anger, bitterness, disbelief …

But then paranoia creeps in and it all makes sense. Cortese drifted with Jared, saw inside, felt and coalesced with his emotions and memories. She knows even better than Jensen, has witnessed just what his leaving did to Jared. And he’s struck with guilt all over again.

Any true reflection is cut short when an alarm rings through the complex, and Jensen and Chris take off at full speed to the Operations hull.





“No!” Jensen yells as soon as he’s in the bay area and watching flames lick up the sides of Chevy Violet.

He rushes forward as if he can jump right through the glass and into the maintenance bay, or even run the controls himself to put it out. Chris and Katie, who rush in just behind them, hold him back and after a second, Jensen’s fighting against them on principle. Because he has no power to do anything else at this moment.

“What’s going on?” Jared barks upon entering, then stops short at the scene beyond the glass.

Maintenance crews race around to reach fire hoses and wash Chevy Violet down, but her insides spark and flare as new areas begin to burn.

Jensen stares at Jared, and shares the same broken look on his face, even as Jensen’s insides warm with something more honest and caring. Even as Jared steps closer to the controls and listens to Speight go on and on and on about what’s happening, it doesn’t appear Jared has an ounce of attention on the story. And even as he remains solidly unemotional, the color drains from his face.

“What happened?” Jensen demands.

Rich slowly turns in place and aims a sharp look at him. “Well, as I was trying to say to the Commander--”

“No, not what’s happening now, but how. You let her light up in flames and you’re gonna answer for it.”

“Hey, c’mon now,” Katie soothes with a hand on his back, though he shakes her away.

Aldis gets in there, too, and manages to bring Jensen a few feet back with little effort. Still, Jensen glares at him before turning back to Rich.

“I’m no psychic,” Rich snarks, “But I’d say it’s something to do with age.”

Jensen surges forward, pulled back again by Aldis. “You watch your mouth.”

“She’s no spring chicken, and the wiring is decades old.” Rich shrugs, though still appears tense with the scene as the fire is slowly dying out. “They were up there soldering and putting new plates on after the test runs. We’ll know more later.”

His anger won’t settle, no matter what is said. Chevy Violet was his baby, his first and only ride in this whole mess of war. She stands tall today as a reminder of what he’s seen, lived through, and had with Jared standing beside him in that cockpit. “What kind of shit show are you running that routine maintenance burns down a jaeger?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me!”

“It’ll be alright,” Chris attempts, “we can take the Cap for a spin and see how he’s faring these days.”

Sure, another jaeger that’s required a face-lift since the last battle left Chris running solo. That really grants Jensen the confidence he needs, proven by the immediate eye roll and continued outburst. “Jesus Christ, what a fucking nightmare of an outfit! Abandoned pilots, sloppy training, and now this!”

“Jensen!” Jared shouts to break him. He stares right at Jensen and there’s something soft and wounded in his eyes, like he gets it and feels the loss just as heavily.

It brings tears to Jensen’s eyes even as he maintains Jared’s gaze, refusing to shift from this moment. One where it’s not Commander versus Captain, but Jared and Jensen. Two partners who spent half a lifetime in that machine. Both had watched it resurrected just a week ago, and now they’re witnessing its downfall.

The whole room has fallen quiet with only the sharp stuttering of the industrial fire hoses and mammoth overhead sprinklers doing their job to put out the flames. Everyone within these four silent walls are also watching Jared and Jensen’s staring match, and soon enough, the tension is overwhelming and Jensen has to escape.

He bursts through the swinging doors and jogs down the hallway. His heart races and legs shuffle quickly, the will to run losing to the crowds in the central network. Jensen turns down the narrowest of hallways, where hardly a soldier bothers to travel when there are plenty of other routes through the barracks. It’s the long way back to his room, for sure, and thoughts about packing up overwhelm him once again.

Inside his room, he tosses a smattering of his belongings to the bed. Items he doesn’t care much for anymore—Defense training gear, flight suit, helmet—all get pitched across the room. The helmet skids on the floor before coming to a sudden stop that alerts Jensen.

He turns around to face Jared … and not just the suited Commander Jensen has dreadfully faced of late, but the man he knew and loved all those moons ago with sweat beading at Jared’s temples, making his hair matted and wavy at his temples. Maybe it's from the torment of what they'd just witnessed. Or maybe he ran, determined to catch up to Jensen. He’s also insistent with a tight grip at Jensen’s upper arms to ground him in place.

“Don’t you walk away again,” Jared says between gritted teeth. He sounds angry and worried, and even a little bit desperate.

Jensen stands tall, shoulders up and firm, and knees locked in place to push back. “You’re doing one hell of a job daring me to.”

Jared shifts back, face pinched in like he's been smacked. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, really," Jensen bitches back. He shoves Jared away and marches forward, backs Jared across the tiny space. "Giving me the silent treatment, turning half this place against me, giving me a half-baked partner, then letting my jaeger go up in smoke."

With an angry laugh and swift push, Jared forces Jensen to stumble a few steps. "It's never your fault, is it? Always have to shove it onto someone else when you can't own up to your own mistakes and failures."

"Seems like my only mistake was ever trusting you."

Now Jared's well and visibly shaken, the burn landing sharply enough to disrupt his commanding stature. Woodenly, he says, "Seems like we have something in common then."

Jensen takes his turn to laugh bitterly. "Right, like you ever trusted me for anything. And you certainly didn't wait long to move on to the Major."

"I didn't—" Jared abruptly stops and runs a rough hand through his hair. He turns in place to look anywhere but Jensen then grunts. "First off, I never turned anyone against you. Least of all Genevieve. She saw enough in the drift to make up her own damned mind."

Jensen flinches at the images of what could've pissed her off this successfully. Likely anything Jared'd been hurt by when Jensen left.

“And nothing happened between us. We were compatible enough, but then the crash. She wasn’t fit anymore. Second, having to find you a partner wasn't the easiest thing for me either. Like I wanted to imagine you drifting and sharing Chevy Violet with someone else?"

His mouth tips open with shock while his knees shake, overwhelmed by emotion. Especially from Jared. Like this.

Since Jensen returned, Jared has been stoic and closed off. Jensen had imagined it was because Jared hated him, had moved on, didn’t care about their drifts. The strength in Jared’s words say otherwise. And Jensen feels like a world-class asshole for not considering Jared’s own thoughts here. Of what he saw when Jensen walked back inside these walls.

Suddenly, Jared's voice turns icy, his look, too. "And she's not your goddam jaeger, Jensen. She was ours."

Ours.

Jensen repeats the word over and over, hearing the insistence in Jared’s tone and witnessing the pure insult spreading across his face. Chevy Violet really was theirs, as are all of Jensen’s memories, now reinforced by Jared’s simple statement.

She was ours.

Theirs to have and to pilot and live in and honor for the rest of their lives. A simple joke from long ago about marrying Chevy Violet spills forth and tears build in Jensen’s eyes. For all that he misses from those days … and perhaps Jared, too.

He feels his muscles deflate along with any anger that's been brewing since the first time he recognized Jared giving him the cold shoulder. Hell, maybe he'd deserved it. More than before, he really wants to be inside Jared’s mind, to let Jared see inside his, too.

But he doesn’t really deserve that, right? He deserves Jared's harsh glare and quick exit.

He figures he definitely deserves the hard knock of his head against the wall when he loses his balance and dizzily falls forward. He fully misjudges the space around him and finally lets himself slide down to the floor with a shoulder shoved against the cool brick wall. His vision swims and his mind spins in circles. The tears that never fall match the hollowness in his chest, and he welcomes the rush of pain over his skull and down his neck. It's a better alternative than utter heartbreak.





Not enough hours later, Jensen is shocked out of a rough sleep to the recognizable blare of battle alarms. Horns echo right outside his door, forcing him up and into his uniform as quickly as possible.

He’s still tucking his shirt into his belt when he charges into the Ops room. A loud flurry of noise and rushing activity sparks both a welcome memory and a huge pit of worry in his stomach. Beyond the observation deck, rangers are rushing to their jaegars, maintenance crews are bringing the machines to life and helping pilots into their full gear.

Rob is calling out locations—just west of Portland, sweeping their way south towards California—and Charlie follows up with classifications of the beasts.

“We have three rushing coastward, and fast,” Rich says without taking his eyes off the sonar.

Jared steps into view from the far left, mostly suited up, but missing the intimidating presence of his jacket. He seems to have been as far behind the alert as Jensen, though he catches up with a quick play-by-play with Rob.

Chris opens the side door and summons Jensen with a smile. “You ready, cowboy?”

There’s a bigger mess of action beyond Chris, where rangers are outfitted to drift then hurry off to their jaegars.

Jensen pauses, then turns back to Jared. They share a look, and all Jensen can think is that he wishes it was Jared at the doorway. That he wasn’t walking into danger alone while Jared sat back and watched.

Jared brings his head up high with tension straining his brow. He offers Jensen a small nod, and Jensen gives him one in return.

It’s as close to peace and closure as Jensen can hope for at this moment. The last second he might ever see Jared.

In a flash, Jensen and Chris are solid in armor and in the cockpit of Chris’ jaeger. Helmets in place, they set a number of switches and systems before calling ready. The ceiling above comes to life, screeching its way open so aircraft can drop anchors that maintenance wrangles into place. Captain America is dragged up and out of the bay and soars over the Pacific until they zero in on a Class IV Kaiju marching towards the newly rehabilitated coastline, the sun peeking out from the horizon.

Rising out of the water, the Kaiju’s chest is broad and tall. Its head is a mess of angles that could represent the worst serpent in all of history. More terrifying, though, are the dozen tentacles sweeping out from where arms should be, six on each side. The sight of the limbs flying through the air and water, creating mammoth waves across the ocean’s surface, makes Jensen’s own arms and legs tighten up in fear.

Barely any words are needed, just the basics like ready, and systems go, and sync.

Then Chris murmurs, “God save you, you needle dick prick.”

Jensen laughs through the tension with adrenaline immediately spilling through his veins. A switch flips and Jensen also has Chris’s energy coursing through him, and he braces himself for the mechanical click of being released.

Captain America drops for stories upon stories until it splashes into the ocean with the kind of distraction they’d hoped for. The Kaiju has just about reached the shoreline with crowds of people fleeing eastward. It spins in place and its tentacles skim the water, forcing a whole new set of waves that makes the Captain rock on its feet.

Together, Jensen and Chris steady the jaeger on the sandy floor, then everything aligns and they march their machine right up to the Kaiju without a second of fear.

Two tentacles smack the side of the jaeger, but they quickly swing an arm around to hit the beast right back. Captain’s internal systems hum and beep and shout updates to weapons and proximity of the Kaiju, and Jensen ignores every one of them when he senses Chris’ energy ramp. The drift rushes them forward to strike at the Kaiju and dodge its limbs whipping in all directions. Jensen can feel Chris’s memories float over him, successful ones with Sebastian, taking down three Class IIIs in one night. He builds upon that and relives some of his finer moments with Jared, and they drift as one when Chris continues to surge with intensity and fight.

The Kaiju strikes at them again and Chris snatches the tentacle in one hand as Jensen arms the left with a sharp disc that slides out of its palm. Red, white, and blue swirl around the weapon and Jensen smiles with the pride of defending their country just before swinging out to slice through the tentacle.

Inhuman screams come from the monster as it stumbles back. Black gunk spills out of its severed arm, but the beast comes right at them. Unfazed, Jensen and Chris, one by one, quite literally disarm it.

Chris screams in glory and pride with each fallen limb, and Jensen finds himself smiling like the old days.

Without its tentacles, the monster is defenseless, so it’s no tough job to approach it. Chris clamps the Captain’s large fist around its neck and squeezes, dragging out staggering cries until it slows all movements and goes limp. Jensen puts an end to it by striking down through that hearty chest. It takes a handful of times to rip up and take away its life, but they’re both set to the task and get it done with an efficiency and accuracy Jensen remembers from his previous life.

Over their headsets, they hear cries of victory and Chris is certainly ready to celebrate.

“That’s three up and three down!” Rob crows. “Come on home, rangers. You’ve earned yourself a glass of the Commander’s best bourbon.”

“I’m holding you to that!” Chris laughs.

“Maybe even two, and you know—”

The receiver scratches on the other end before Jared’s serious tone comes through. “I haven’t promised anything. We’re sending transport out to retrieve your asses. Well done, gentlemen.”

Jensen sees otherwise when he glances further down the shoreline. A freshly killed Class III slips underwater just before a Class IV rises up to beat the shit out of Aldis and Katie’s Ruby Ray.

“Not so fast, Commander.” Jensen clears his throat, breaking up the moment. “There’s a fourth in our view.”

“What? Where?” Chris asks, as they both work to turn the jaegar around. It’s just in time to witness the Kaiju’s hammerfist smash the side of Ruby Ray’s head. “Oh, fuck, alright, we’re going.”

“Already gone,” Jensen says just before firing off a handful of rockets from the belly of Captain America.

The rockets crash into the side of the beast and knock it over. It’s already sinking when Jensen and Chris run the Captain to the scene. It isn’t pretty, and Jensen curses at the few seconds he waited to say anything. The whole side of Ruby Ray’s face is split open and he can see Katie fighting to keep Aldis upright.

“Recovery now!” Jensen yells. “Ruby Ray’s hit. Repeat, Ruby Ray’s hit.”

Now, the drift falters as Chris assesses the scene. Sebastian’s fall replays in both their heads, and Jensen shouts at him to refocus, get back on track, forget the whole fucking thing. Anything to right his partner’s mind.

With Jensen steady on controls for his side of the Captain, he reaches out with the right hand and sets the open palm to the hole. Katie drags Aldis to the edge and eventually tips him onto the Captain’s fingers before jumping into the hand and dragging her partner further into the palm. Jensen closes the hand to keep them safe and remains on alert for any new threats.

He grits his teeth through the silence outside and ignores the rush of alarms and shouting going through his ears from back at the base. Tom and Mike’s jaegar has damage, and it sounds like it’s even worse than what Jensen is dealing with now.

Later, Jensen will recognize they were retrieved in record time, but it feels like a lifetime as he fears for Aldis’ life.




Promised or not, Jensen gets his bourbon. He lifts a cheap, off-brand bottle from the Mess Hall and heads out to the maintenance bay where Chevy Violet has been sent to the corner in favor of fixing Ruby Ray. His heart goes heavy at the sight of torn metal and split wires, as he imagines just how Katie and Aldis could have died with one wrong move. Just beside Ruby Ray is Blue Steel, Tom and Mike’s machine, with even more damage. They may not have been Jensen’s fans upon returning, but they’re still part of the team and Jensen’s shoulders are heavy with worry.

Aldis, thankfully, is in recovery with Katie at his side. His body’s a mess of wounds and bandages, and he’ll probably be heavily sedated for a long while, long enough to miss the next battle. Mike and Tom are much the same, but with worse injuries that will likely end their careers as rangers. Overall, Jensen’s grateful that all rangers are accounted for.

Still, he’s shaky about what awaits them on the next run. Maybe it’s Jensen and Chris in the medical ward, and maybe Jensen will live out his greatest nightmare to witness more death.

His legs are tired and slow, but he climbs halfway up the scaffolding before he stops in place. He’d intended to reach the top and watch maintenance clean up Ruby Ray and Blue Steel, yet the appearance of Jared sitting at the edge of this platform with his head forward on a railing forces his stomach to drop.

Jensen lowers himself beside Jared with a few inches between them. For his sanity, or maybe Jared’s, he’s not sure. He gets the bottle of liquor open and takes a healthy swig before offering it to Jared, who accepts it without a word and drinks.

After a few rounds, Jared sits up, resting his arms on the railing and watching Ruby Ray’s crews soldering new red metal to old. “Where’d you get the bottle?” he asks with a ragged voice.

“In the Mess.”

Jared snorts and vaguely smiles. “Could’ve at least gotten the good stuff.”

Jensen glances at him. “I heard that’s all locked up in the Commander’s barracks.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Along with everything else.”

Patient as ever, Jensen waits for Jared to explain that, but it never comes. And he’s unsure if he should ask. But Jensen figures he was never great at boundaries when it came to Jared. “What all else you got locked up?”

Jared slowly turns his head, eyes moving to take in all of Jensen’s face. “My ability to compartmentalize.” He looks at the jaegers undergoing restoration, and bites the corner of his mouth. “I sent good people into battle tonight and all I can think about is how everyone could’ve died.”

“But they didn’t,” Jensen insists softly. “We all came back in one piece.”

“Relatively,” he snorts.

“But still. Aldis is going to recover in the next week or so, Mike and Tom are still breathing, and we killed four assholes out there. That’s a victory to me.”

“And what if it was you?” A second later, he looks at Jensen again. “What if you were the one being brought back to the base in a jaeger’s hand? Then what?”

Jensen gulps at the sentiment, at the emotion tearing at Jared’s words. “But it wasn’t.”

“But what if? How could I live with myself if I sent you out there, and you never returned?”

He can’t back away from the intensity of Jared’s gaze, or how his brow is furrowed tightly above wide, wet eyes. He can’t talk either, and just lets his mouth open a fraction as he considers how to handle the rush of sensations overtaking his body.

“You see now why I didn’t want you to come back? Because I didn’t want to watch you drift and die on a helpless mission.”

“Ironic,” Jensen says with a flit of his eyebrows. “Considering I came back to see you.”

With a terse smile, Jared shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have. I’m a mess of the man I used to be. Tried to cut myself off from everyone so I could lead, but just ended up falling right back into all the old memories.”

“Jared,” he murmurs, mentally saying you’re being too hard on yourself. He reaches out to touch Jared’s face, palm touching cheek for just a second before Jared flinches away.

“No, don’t.”

Then, Jared closes his eyes and tips his head back into Jensen’s hand. Jensen takes it for Jared’s need of comfort and reassurance, so he pulls Jared closer and tucks Jared’s head against his neck. He runs his hand around the back of Jared’s head to hold the other cheek and rests his mouth against Jared’s hair.

Jensen remembers a mission early in their time together when Jared had first been truly shaken up by a Kaiju that just would not die. It rose from the water after repeated slices of Chevy Violet’s jagged wrist knife into its side, and later, Jared shared his fear of that becoming a fight neither of them would walk away from. Jensen had done much the same as he is now, holding Jared close for comfort and relief, and just like that evening, Jared shifts around the stare into Jensen’s eyes.

Back then, Jensen had dared to kiss Jared, slow and careful. This time, Jared rushes forward to capture Jensen’s mouth with a hand coming up to clutch at Jensen’s neck.

They both breathe heavily, loudly, as their mouths remain locked tight until Jensen moves just an inch and Jared slinks his tongue inside. That recognizable taste of Jared, with an undercurrent of the heady liquor, kicks off every nerve in Jensen’s body and he dives into the kiss.

It lasts longer than it should, especially in the openness of the bay. Yet Jensen can’t stop reaching further into Jared’s mouth and fighting against his tongue. Sparks fly all around them as Ruby Ray and Blue Steel are put back together piece by piece, and Jensen swears the flares and pops are replicated through his body as he comes alive with want and satisfaction.

A loud boom of equipment startles them out of the kiss. They look over the railing then Jensen turns to Jared again. He smiles at the high blush on Jared’s cheeks and the bright rawness of Jared’s mouth.

Jared continues to watch the work in front of them, blinking himself out of a daze. Jensen understands that, because he still feels like he’s soaring with Jared’s tongue alongside his.

“Let’s get out of here,” Jared whispers, even when he doesn’t look at Jensen.

Jensen holds his breath, praying they haven’t fallen out of this moment. “Where do you want to go?”

“Your room,” he half says, half asks, still not turning away from the scene in front of them.

With a smile, Jensen shakes his head. “Whatever you want.”





It goes by in a blur and Jensen only catches up when he’s on his sad sack of a bed with Jared hovering over him. Clothes litter the floor, kisses are bitten into skin, and Jared is a man on a mission when he drags his palms down the length of Jensen’s torso. His fingers splay out over Jensen’s hips with his thumbs digging into the slight curves that have never been anything but lean muscle. Then he leans down and sucks at the soft skin, forcing Jensen to moan and groan with his back lifting off the bed.

Jared reaches up to palm Jensen’s chest, those long, thick fingers fondling Jensen’s nipples and Jensen wants to scream out of his skin. No matter how long it’s been since then, Jared still knows all of Jensen’s hot spots.

Jensen combs through Jared’s hair as kisses trail even lower. His stomach flips when Jared grabs at his boxer briefs and tugs, quick and hard, so they’re stuck at his knees. Jensen tries to widen his legs and force them lower, but he doesn’t need to because Jared wedges his face down to lick and kiss all over Jensen’s upper thighs, between them, over his balls, and up the underside of his dick.

Blood boiling, Jensen fights to breathe, fights to keep his wits about him as Jared swallows him down. His fingers curl in the cheap bedsheets then into the mess of Jared’s tangled hair. Seconds later, Jared moves up his body to kiss with an intensity that represents five years of lost time. Jensen’s mind spins as Jared takes over his mouth and sets his hips down to Jensen’s and slowly rocks against him. Even with briefs still on Jared’s slender hips, Jensen can feel the burning heat of Jared’s hard cock. Jensen slides his fingers down Jared’s back and just inside Jared’s underwear. He gropes and squeezes and tugs at Jared’s ass to bring him as tightly close as possible so they can grind together.

Jared whimpers into his mouth then runs wet kisses along Jensen’s cheek until he licks over Jensen’s ear. Whispers, “Where’s the lube?”

Jensen clenches his eyes shut and pathetically laughs. “I don’t have any.”

He breaks away from Jensen and rises to stare at him. Maybe even glare. “Are you fucking serious?”

Jensen makes a face and shrugs. “I’m sorry?”

Jared rushes off the bed and Jensen curses himself as his lungs become impossibly tight. His heart may even be breaking to lose this reconciliation all because he didn’t pack properly. “I only had like five minutes, you know? With Elba standing over me. Not like I could pack the right provisions.”

“Shut up,” Jared commands as he returns. He yanks Jensen’s underwear all the way down, followed by his own, and settles in the spot that’s probably still warm from Jared’s furnace of body heat.

Jensen yelps when his legs are lifted into the air, followed by wretched moaning when Jared licks clear across Jensen’s hole. Warm spit runs down Jensen’s skin as Jared pays proper attention to the tight muscle, doing his best to work his tongue inside. Jensen grunts when Jared’s finger pushes through and moves quickly, perhaps a little too quickly, but then the pressure is eased with some extra moisture.

Jared chuckles, smiles devilishly as he meets Jensen’s eye. All while he fingers his way inside, all the way down to the last knuckle. “Your frou-frou hair shit finally has a purpose.”

A laugh is punched out of his chest, followed by another loud groan when Jared gets a second finger inside. It seems to take forever for the third, and for Jensen’s body to open and relax to the pressure. Even longer, still, until Jared lotions up his dick with high-priced conditioner and slides inside.

Jensen pulls Jared forward to kiss and lick all around his mouth, teeth scraping together, lips wet and messy. Just like their bodies as Jared fucks into Jensen quick and dirty, and Jensen ruts his body up like an eager teenager. The excitement and heat running through his body reminds him of their first time together, when it was too uncoordinated to be anything great, but it was Jared, so Jensen was more than satisfied by the end of it.

The bedsprings cry out as Jared’s hips snap faster and faster, shoving Jensen into the mattress. Jensen is entirely surrounded by Jared’s body, heat, arms, hair, skin just everywhere, and with that feeling blanketing him, his muscles tense up with his orgasm running up on him.

Jared whispers, “I’m gonna come, fuck me, I’m gonna come.”

Jensen eagerly answers, “Me, too, fuck, me, too.”

Jared cries out first, burying his head against Jensen’s neck and fucking through the last few moments of life. The deep rumble of Jared’s voice in Jensen’s ear is enough to get him there, and he comes, spilling between their bodies.

Neither move for quite some time. Jared remains a heavy blanket over Jensen and is still buried deep, but Jensen wouldn’t have it any other way. Their chests press tightly as they catch their breaths, and Jensen runs his hands up and down Jared’s sweaty back, loving the little hitch of breath Jared lets out every few moments when Jensen hits a particularly sensitive area. He remembers all of Jared’s spots, too, and he smiles, grateful, satisfied, thoroughly fucked out.





He wakes to an empty bed and an even emptier heart. He stares at the blank wall and feels a far reach of distance between his back and the rest of the room. He’s startled by the sound of running water, so he flips over and belatedly grins at the sight of Jared standing at the sink and mirror, completely naked. The lines of his back, narrowing down to hips that beg to be held, just before Jared’s pert ass pops out and then thick, well-worked legs anchor him to the ground.

Jared turns and Jensen’s mouth waters at the full-frontal view. Jared’s thick cock is hanging against his thigh, but Jensen’s just as happy to see the long stretch of that sculpted chest marred with bite marks and scratches from Jensen’s own teeth and nails.

A tiny smirk angles Jared’s lips and Jensen winks at him, dragging out a quick laugh.

Just as Jensen’s prepared to turn on the charm, call out a hearty heya big boy, Jared snaps his lips together and breaks the moment. “I should head back.”

Jensen turns to his back with a groan. He brings his pillow up to cover his face and releases a shout into heavy cotton. When he drops the pillow down over his lap, Jared perches at the edge of the bed.

“I have a job to do and all,” Jared argues.

“Yeah, I get that,” he sighs, “But, can you, like, just stay for a little while?”

Jared smiles. “Needy much?”

“Just come here and let me pretend the world’s not about to end?” Jensen’s heart is hollow with the plea, but he means it. And finally has the will to be open and honest with Jared. “Let me believe that I have you back for just a little longer?”

They stare at each other for seconds that are far too quiet and prolonged. Jensen fights for the right words, opening his mouth a few times to speak. Jared takes a deep breath then his eyes go soft.

“Whatever you want,” he murmurs before stretching out on the bed beside Jensen. He shifts Jensen towards the wall then wraps his arms and legs all around him, keeping him covered up and held tight against warm skin.

Jensen basks in the heat and comfort of Jared’s body enveloping him, of his soft kisses at Jensen’s shoulder and the top of his spine. He grips tight at Jared’s hands against his chest and thinks for this silent moment, he just may be whole again.

Of course, Jensen doesn’t deserve it because Jared breaks the mood with his worries, even as he holds Jensen tight.

“Charlie thinks they’re breeding across classes.”

Jensen dips his head down and holds his breath.

“He says the one that went at Katie and Aldis was mutated. Part of why we didn’t see it.”

“So, we’re pretty much dead,” Jensen mumbles.

“I can’t keep sending our friends out there,” Jared whispers at Jensen’s shoulder. “I can’t watch you guys come back hurt.”

Anger boils beneath the surface and Jensen wants to push Jared out of bed. Wayward jealousy rises and he pulls himself up to sit and glare at Jared. “Then don’t. Stop being the goddam Commander in a suit and lead us. Out there.”

Jared shifts up, too, and shakes his head. “What’re you talking about?”

“You can be as mad as you want about my leaving the program, but I came back. What’re you doing? Standing around and giving orders. You’re not fighting.”

“I’m doing what I can,” he fires back.

“Is it what you want?” Jensen challenges.

Jared sputters a few times before huffing. “What happened to pretending everything’s back to normal?”

“Is that what you want?” he repeats. “To just give orders and watch screens, or to be out there and fight those assholes?”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Nothing is.” Jensen can see the muscles work in Jared’s throat when he gulps. There’s a strong impulse to drag Jared back into his arms and hide away from everything outside these walls.

“Yeah, of course not.” Jared sighs. After a long pause, he looks at Jensen with pitiful eyes and a deep frown. “How did we get here?”

“You brought up Day and his mutation theory.”

“I mean… in general.” He makes a face and punches the bed. “How did the world get here? With fucking monsters spontaneously attacking our shores?”

“I don’t know,” Jensen mumbles. He finally reaches out and grips Jared’s shoulder tight, squeezes and tugs with his fingers digging in.

“Is it ever gonna stop?”

Jensen pulls Jared in, just like out on the scaffolding in the maintenance bay. His heart breaks for Jared’s pain, because he doubts Jared has it any easier than the rangers putting their lives on the line every time they step foot inside a jaeger. Jared’s the one ordering them to go, responsible for the fight and success of each one. He hadn’t thought that far into the terror of being the leader of such missions until he heard the desperation in Jared’s voice.

“We could leave,” Jensen offers quietly, hoping he can take the words back if Jared doesn’t respond well. Luckily, Jared doesn’t say anything and just burrows closer to him. “We could leave together, get away from this mess and live somewhere out on the Atlantic, or somewhere deep inland.”

“Could you really do that? Walk away from the Corps again?”

“With you?” Jensen smiles against Jared’s hair and has to clear his throat against the emotion building. “I definitely could. I would right now.”

“I don’t know that I could,” Jared admits. “I’ve found my life here. Leaving them, knowing that the war continues while I live out on a farm doing nothing?”

It’s not the answer he wanted, but Jensen understands. And he tells Jared as such, just before they drift into a silence full of so many thoughts and prayers that are never said aloud.





When the alarm blares, Jensen and Jared jump out of bed without hesitation. Clothes are shoved back on and they race to the Ops station to the sounds of more system alarms and panicked conversations running over each other.

“All hands on deck!” Jared shouts then gives another long smattering of directions for rangers and maintenance crews and aircraft to get ready for a big surge down on the eastern end of Mexico. As conversations continue to run, the Kaiju counts rise and rise, all sorts of classes, and a mess of damage along the Gulf of California.

Jensen doesn’t wait to hear what all is wrong now. Same shit, different day. He runs into the maintenance bay to get geared up, and every piece snaps into place, along with every sense of kicking ass and taking names.

Then he spots Chevy Violet just two maintenance slots away. His smile can’t be contained, even when she’s beat up and marred with burn marks and split metal, there’s no one else he’d rather pilot right now.

“Tell Evans we’re taking my baby out today,” he yells to nearby maintenance staff. Manic energy carries him up all the levels of scaffolding until he’s inside Chevy Violet’s cockpit. It smells stale and smoky, the windshield is scummy and in need of a good wash, and the systems are a generation behind what he handled the day before in Captain America.

He fucking loves her, and his smile is etched from ear to ear.

Chevy Violet is set with all systems go and Jensen’s ready to put his helmet on when he yells, “Where the fuck is Evans?”

Operations and maintenance teams keep moving on without confirmation, so Jensen uses his headset to ask back at the Ops center.

“He’s in the Captain,” Rob replies. “Where are you?”

“In Chevy Violet. Fuck, I told them to tell him and—”

“He’ll be fine,” is said behind him.

Jensen can’t turn fast enough and immediately pinches himself to get out of this dream, because Jared settles into place, every piece of gear as shiny and bold as Jensen remembers.

“What’re you doing?” Jensen asks with a sense of fear, yet a whole barrel of hope.

“I was hoping to fight some assholes, but if you want me to leave...”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he growls. Then he’s full on pride that his words meant something to Jared, that they’re back in Chevy Violet together.

Jared’s smile grows into a technicolor beam and Jensen finds himself smiling just as hard in return.

Sliding back into their past, they ready all the systems and report back to Ops with the all clear.

They both have their helmets on, just seconds from drifting, and Jensen’s as giddy as a schoolgirl.

Jared seems to be as well, when he turns to Jensen and tips his head with charm and light in his eyes. “You ready to kick some jaeger ass?”

“With you?” Jensen grins. “Always ready.”