I've Got My Hands Up So Take Your Aim

I've been trying to think about a really nice reply to this but nothing really is coming together. I started an LJ account back when I was 20 and into BSB ... we posted our stories on our own web sites but someone in the fandom got an LJ token/credit/whatever they were called back then from a family member and offered up an extra credit when she got an invite. I took it and had fun chronicling my day. Obviously this LJ is different with the connections to SPN fandom and fic ... but in a way, I still enjoy having this constantly live, open means of communication to just talk. Whether it's to myself or others, I like having the outlet to just let things out.

Relatedly, sorta I guess, last night the parents and I went to see Springsteen and I. I had heard it was really great, but I honestly had no clue what it was about. I just assumed it was a doc about Springsteen's life. I was totally, totally wrong. It's essentially a love letter from the fans with personal home videos where various members of the fangroup talk about what Bruce means to them, and many relive moments they shared with him at concerts/on stage. There is a particularly hilarious story about a "Philly Elvis" that had the theater roaring. There are some very lovely parts, spots where you laugh out loud, and a few that almost felt uncomfortable to experience the strength of these fans' dedication. A young female truck driver said that Bruce's lyrics tell her that her job matters, as if he's speaking to her when she's hauling her truck cross country, that she's part of the American fabric because blue collars are what keep the world moving ... and that makes her feel exceptionally worthy and accomplished despite having a BS and MS and only driving a truck.

In the end, I got kind of emotional, even teared up some, because they all spoke of Springsteen as if they were a best friend or a life-altering event or even that one constant they have in their lives. One woman has only Bruce CDs in her car (with the addition of one Patiy Scialfa [his wife]) and makes her kids only listen to that as she carts them around to all their activities; she gets great joy when they all sing along to their favorites.

I left the theater feeling kind of bummy, like ... what is my passion? What has ever fired me up that much? What has ever felt like a port in the storm that I could go to when everything was horrible? Who did I go to for all the excitement and happiness that life has to offer? And I basically came up empty.

I remember becoming very excitable when telling a friend about watching The Foo Fighters live. My dad and I danced in the rain to "Born to Run" when Dad and I saw Bruce at Wrigley Field. I teared up while listening to Paul McCartney sing "Blackbird." There are movies that just move me and make me want to dive into the the industry and just float away. And yet, day in and day out, I feel like I live a dull life and just go to sleep, wake up, work, go home, and constantly feel meh about my life in general. I wish I had (or could find) that one great passion that I can always return to to feel stable and remind myself that life is great and someone understands.

Welp, today is a total and utter Monday. Blah.

I can't believe this is almost done! What will I do with myself? ;-)



Where Have I Travelled?
To a lot of not-necessarily important places due to work LOL. Internationally, I've been to London, Grand Bahama Islands, and Vancouver for vacations. A few years ago, the parents and I crossed the Detroit River Crossing into Windsor and drove around for a few minutes before realizing how long the lines were to get back to the US and turned right around. The entire trip that weekend in Detroit was not very fun at all - I had a family event that weekend and had taken Friday off of work ... but then HAD to work so I flew to Detroit first thing Friday morning (meaning I was up around 430am), worked a full day, then had my parents pick me up when they arrived in town via car. ANYWAY, the weekend was a total bust, until my mom asked "What's that smell?" as we drove through some run-down areas of Windsor, I replied, "Desperation," and we all cracked up.

For college bowling, I visited Denver, CO; Lexington, KY; Atlanta, GA; Las Vegas, NV; Kansas City, KS; Champaign, IL; various towns in Wisconsin and Indiana; and St. Louis, MO. For work, I went to Orlando, FL, for facilitation training then have held strategy sessions in Detroit and Lansing, MI; Indianapolis, IN; Cincinnati, Columbus, and Cleveland, OH; Lexington, KY; Milwaukee, WI; St. Paul, MN; and Salt Lake City, UT. What a mix!

I haven't really traveled much for fun outside of places I've already mentioned, except one weekend trip to LA and two trips to Phoenix, AZ.

Five Favorite Blogs: IDK that these all really classify as blogs, but they're my favorite web places to visit. I don't really follow many blogs, if any at all really.

Post Secret
BuzzFeed
Happy Place, especially the Tweet Picks each day
The Gist
Emergency Kittens Twitter

In other news, I wrote last night and then went to bed just after 10pm, but then the kitters were going CRAZY, chasing each other around and fighting and making these awkward lil mew sounds. Especially Shep, JFC. I COULD. NOT. SLEEP. RAR! I was up until at least 11:30pm, and the entire time I was imagining/mentally writing more Pacific Rim fic and of course this morning I hardly remember any of it D:

My dream job would be either writing for the movies or about the movies ... or something in movies and TV, because I so love them. Very, very, very much. I went into journalism in college with the exact intention to be an entertainment writer ... but when I was interning at a local newspaper and writing lame stories about the small towns surrounding us, like how they were repaving two blocks of roadway, and I saw how little people really made ... well, I knew I would be screwed for the rest of my life.

Ironically, flash forward 15 years and I enjoy writing about repaving roadways ... well, I enjoy writing about it more than, say, wastewater equipment.

Difficult Time in /my Life
Ack, so hard and personal. There were a lot of family problems back in junior high surrounding my mom being sick and then again in my senior year of high school when my parents went weeks without talking to one another and my mom asked my dad for a divorce in the summer before I went to college. It did not happen, as they're still mostly-happily married (for 41 years now!). The past year has felt pretty rough personally, between issues with an ex, work, growing older and lonelyish, family issues, etc etc etc. So I don't know. It kind of ebbs and flows, I guess.

Ten Favorite Foods
1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, but more specifically the shapes, like the trees and eggs and pumpkins - more peanut butter and softer chocolate
2. Pizza, especially the frozen kind for the oven, seriously.
3. Cheese ravioli or tortellini
4. Buffalo wings with bleu cheese
5. Peanut Butter Twix
6. Twizzler Nibs
7. Nachos
8. Chicken enchiliads w mole sauce
9. Mint M&Ms
10. Garlic bread

How sad is it that like half of this list is candy and/or chocolate oriented? LOL

When I first started this LJ, I was listening to James Morrison on repeat and rather liked Nothing Ever Hurt Like You.

I was naive and wide-eyed, but you made me see
That you don't get to taste the honey
Without the sting of a bee, no, you don't
Oh yes, you stung me good, oh yeah, you dug in deep
But I'll take it, I'll take it, I'll take it
Till I'm down on my knees, on my knees

I cannot remember the last time I listened to him, or this song, lol. I know it was around when he released his third album because I didn't really care for it and started becoming obsessed with other bands. There are times I consider changing my username, but I figure it'll be harder to keep track than for me to just suck it up and deal with the name I already have.

Bucket List? I honestly can't think of many, but ... Go to Italy for a long, long vacation. Write a book. Be entirely debt free. Fall in love and be loved in return.

It would be HILARIOUS if I could appropriately record my work day and all the stupidness, random demands, and stress that goes on. Alas ... I can give an account of what has happened thus far and what I predict will happen.

640am: Alarm goes off, hit snooze
650am: Cats walk all over me as alarm goes off again. Contemplate sleeping until 720 and going in late so I can play with the cats. My boss and one of two other dept coworkers are off today, anyway ...
705am: Realize I should have already gotten up, so what the hey, let's hit snooze again and go in late ..
720am: Check work email on phone to remember if there are any pressing issues, contemplate sleeping until 740 and going in at 9am.
722am: Tell myself to just get the fuck out of bed.
749am: Leave apartment dressed and mostly ready for work.
754am: Get to train stop, sweat like a nervous pig, start cursing out the train because I can tell it's running late (should arrive at 754)
759am: Train finally arrives. I have sweat dripping down my face.
8-825am: Ride train; listen to music; check LJ, Twitter, Facebook; do my makeup; lament the sad state of my hair, which looks terrible after spending 10 mins in this heat/humidity; consider how much I hate my outfit and be thankful I'm working remotely tomorrow and can wear jeans!
830am: Arrive at work and get computer started.
831am: Hear coworker show up in his cube and be thankful I beat him by enough that he likely thinks I've been here all morning.
850am: Start up this post.
853am: Field call from old boss about files from a submittal last year that she's lost, but I still have saved on backup drives; deal with that for the next few minutes.
9-11am: Get breakfast from Au Bon Pain; sort through old qualifications files for last-minute assignment; check email, LJ, Twitter, Facebook all throughout.
1101am: Contemplate food for lunch (low-fat shells and cheese I brought or go buy a salad?) and totally screw around.
1135am: Remember this other PPT thing I have to do and rush to get through that.
12-1pm: Eat lunch, hopefully shells 'n cheese win out so I don't spend money; surf the web, BuzzFeed, LJ, etc.
1-2pm: Screw around with old submittal again.
2-3pm: Conference call for huge Michigan highway project (aforementioned PPT).
3-4pm: Contemplate changes to PPT.
4-5pm: Meeting/conference call for another last minute-PPT that graphic artist is heading up but I have been instructed that I MUST stay involved with to make sure he gets it done (and well).
510pm: Head out for 532 train.
615pm: Get home, contemplate working out versus eating.
620pm: Working out wins (hopefully).
7pm: Make dinner (likely tortellini with red sauce and low-fat garlic bread, mmm).
720pm: Eat dinner while watching TV
730-10pm: Watch TV (The Killing, Major Crimes) and do some minor cleaning in between (in preparation fro zubeneschamali's weekend visit!)
10pm: Contemplate bed, keep watching TV.
11pm: Just before falling asleep, remember that I never bought that part for the toilet that needs to be fixed.

FIFTEEN?

Gosh.

1. Margaritas
2. Flip flops
3. Live music
4. Enchiladas with mole sauce
5. The West Wing
6. Making other people happy
7. Buffalo wings
8. Air conditioning
9. Coors Light
10. The internet
11. Law & Order (me, too, Taylor. Me. Too.)
12. Jensen Ackles
13. The City at night, all lit up
14. Shep
15. Lucy

First off, this is fantastic: Supernatural, As Told By Someone Who's Never Seen It. Basically, just a bunch of crazy gifs and manips from her tumblr dash to explain what she thinks the show is about.



Worst Habits are the Worst. Obviously smoking, though I'm cutting back and eventually will work on quitting. Drinking could be in that same boat. But otherwise, I pick at my nails, I bite my lip to the point it will peel/break, I'm always convinced there's something in my eye, I often speak without thinking for the sake of a laugh, I stew when I'm upset and don't just stand up for myself just to avoid a mess (to family, friends, and at work), I have little to no patience, I hate delegating/sharing work, I'm messy (especially in the bedroom) ...

I could go on but then I'd start really embarrassing myself ;-)