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Ugh, I've fallen behind again. Partly because of busyness, partly because I didn't care for upcoming questions, and partly just because. Here is my attempt to catch up.

ExpandA bunch of days in a row )
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30-Day Blog Challenge: Day 19: Disrespecting Your Parents

Oy, this is a touchy subject. Over the years, I've had my time of acting out and talking back ... nothing too extreme as my parents note that they really lucked out with having good, nice kids. But of course there have been times when emotions get out of control and I've said and done things I may shouldn't have ... and then over the last handful of years, I've kept most of it bottled up. It's this weird thing where I don't want to upset them ... there are times my dad complains to me about my mom and I want to tell him to stop being so harsh about her. There are times my mom has totally pissed me off by making me feel last in line when dealing with the whole family. But I never say anything. I'll complain to my friends, but not even to my brother, who left home 13 years ago and never saw how it really got at times.

So, I guess, mentally, I disrespect them a lot? *shrug* but never say much about it anymore.
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Oy, another two-fer to catch up! I was avoiding these because it gets serious again :-P

30-Day Blog Challenge: Day 17: Highs and Lows of the Year

Lows: gaining a ton of weight, hurting my foot while trying to exercise, dealing with my brother's split and all the drama surrounding that, losing touch with some friends because I finally decided to stop being the only person pulling my weight, issues at work because we were first WAY too busy and then WAY too slow.

Highs: moving into my new apartment, growing closer to my brother, getting out to London to see [livejournal.com profile] bertee then NYC for [livejournal.com profile] tebtosca, seeing my family more, growing closer to a friend or two.

Day 18: Your Beliefs
I already talked about my views on religion ... and I'm not big on a lot of meditation or brain power type views, but I do have a few things that I kind of follow.

ExpandMy thoughts on making life easier )
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I got busy! And forgetful! And distracted. I'm still here. It's just been a crazy week with RL plans, work finally picking back up, that lady time of the month and hormones, spending time with my brother, etc. Here are two quick days to revive the 30-day challenge

30-Day Blog Challenge: Day 15: Favorite Tumblrs

I actually don't use Tumblr. Well not like it should be used. Sometimes I get linked to a post or am googling around for an image and get sent to one. I usually fall down a Tumblr dark hole for a lil while then close the window, not visiting again for another month or so. So there are no specific ones at all. But for web sites, I really love Happy Place and Buzzfeed, which I'm sure everyone already knows. I also read Post Secret rather religiously.

Day 16: Views on Mainstream Music
I hate a lot of it, but I also don't know a lot of it. Especially since I drive my car maybe once a week and always use Pandora or my own music to travel to and from work. I've heard a few songs over the last week that are either stupidly terrible or actually pretty decent. I've been relying a lot on the old school Motown stuff or rock that I've already loved for ages.
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30-Day Blog Challenge: Day 14: Earliest Memory

It seems ridiculous to remember this far back, but it's in my head that back when I was about 2 or 3, we were moving out of the apartment above my aunt and into the house I spent the next 20 years living in. I remember holding my mom's hand at the door of the empty apartment, waving and calling out "bye-bye!" before we left it for good.

It's been ingrained in my memories for SO LONG now that it seems terribly real ... and yet, I am positive I wouldn't remember anything that far back ... especially when I can't remember to grab lunch before leaving my apartment in the morning.
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30-Day Blog Challenge: Day 13: Somewhere You'd Like to Move or Visit

I have always, always, always wanted to visit Italy. Like, spend 2-3 weeks just roaming around so many different areas of the country and taking in everything it has to offer. Recently, I've seen some packaged deals on Dublin trips and the gorgeous pictures are tempting me to check that out, too!

I don't plan on moving anywhere far from where I am now. I like being close to my family and seeing them as often as I do, so I'd prefer to be around the Chicago area for the rest of my life.
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Randomly, inspired by my new, shiny icon :D ...
You think Danneel still gets all hot and bothered looking at Jensen, especially as he was this weekend. Like, did she jump him as soon as they were out of sight? Or you think she's just over it with an 'Oh yeah, that's mah man' kind of way?

(now, anyone, feel free to write me fic based on either scenario and I will adore you for eternity)


30-Day Blog Challenge: Day 12: Bullet Your Day

> Woke up at 6am, before the alarm, to pee
> Laid in bed until 6:55am, wanting to get just a little bit more sleep
> As 655 is late for me, because I was tempted to go on the next train then remembered a meeting this morning, I rushed around and left my apartment by 711am to make the 713 train
> Grabbed McDonald's for breakfast in Union Station and made it into work at 805am
> Conference call from 830-9am
> Connected with coworker on new assignment, did some research, a tiny bit of work that's more of a formality than anything fun, all up until 1130am
> Grab lunch from Thai place around the corner and sit in conference room with some coworkers to BS over lunch, until 1pm
> Conference call from 130-230pm
> Contact another coworker on another project I'm managing
> Clean out my inbox for about an hour
> And now, here I am at 4pm.
> Plan to take the 504pm train home, then will head to my parents for dinner
> 6-7ish, eat and chit-chat with them
> Watch a Hard Day's Night that my dad bought last week
> Hang around for a bit, probably, then head home to watch some of my DVRed shows
> Get in bed around 1030pm, hopefully, and sleep until 640ish tomorrow.
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30-Day Blog Challenge: Day 11: Shuffle music; first 10 songs

1. In My Place | Coldplay
2. Stack Shot Billy (Lolla) | The Black Keys
3. Call the Police | James Morrison
4. Miss Me | Andy Grammer
5. The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore | James Morrison
6. Give Your Heart Away | The Black Keys
7. Hurt, Nine Inch Nails
8. Between the Lines | Tyrone Wells
9. If You're Not the One | Daniel Bedingfield
10. Tramp | Otis Redding
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30-Day Challenge, Day 10: First Love and First Kiss

Welp, my first kiss was around 1st or 2nd grade with the neighbor boy, who moved in when we were five and lived there for the rest of time we were there (until I was 22). A lot more other stuff happened over those years, lol, which either made us living next door to one another really cool or really terrible. (he's now married with two kids)

My first love would be a friend of a friend I met when I was 21. It's a story that's hard to explain, but about a year after we met, we were kinda dating. As in, spending a lot of time talking, emailing, hanging out, and it always felt like this fun yet timid, exciting thing, like when you've got your first crush. This went on for a few months of being 'friends' until I sort of backed off because we had this other friend in common, though we had both been betrayed by her. We still talked about her a lot, always fell back on dishing dirt on her, and I hated that feeling of always talking about her. When I backed off a bit, he met someone through work and near-instantly fell in love and married her within a year.

We kept in touch on and off over the next decade, and in January 2013, he reached out and we started talking again ... and I found out they were getting a divorce. Turns out she was a pretty bad wife, the relationship was always strained, he thought she was now cheating on him, etc. etc. etc. So we started talking a lot more again and I got SUPER EXCITED because I was like 'OMG IT'S BACK, THIS EXCITABLE FEELING IS BACK.' I also thought it'd be a great story to tell down the road, because we obviously still had a lot of feelings for each other, still had the great connection and fun, sarcastic sense of humor from years past. We still clicked when we hung out together, and I was beyond thrilled.

Until he then backed off a bit, and I followed suit to avoid pushing to much. Over a week or so, I became kind of obsessed with Jason Mraz's "I Won't Give Up", just because I really love that song. And it hit me: I gave up 10 years ago, I'm not going to give up now. So I went into full-on communication mode. I was calling, texting, emailing, IMing, whatever, trying to set up drinks, a date, something to tell him I did really care about him and wanted to see him quite soon. He always had plans and a few weeks after that, I was scoping out his Facebook feed to find a pic of him and a girl, their arms around each other, and about 40 people 'liked' it. I realized he'd been dating someone else this entire time and my heart was crushed. By the same guy, for a second time. I immediately unfriended and blocked him, and we haven't talked since.
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30-Day Challenge, Day 9: How You Hope Your Future Will Be

Huh, what a big, heavy-handed question. I don't really know ... improved upon how I am today? There are a lot of things I want to still happen in life (get married, have kids, massive vacations, etc.), but I know that will ask for A LOT of changes in my life that I'm not ready to think about. So, let's just say, I hope my future will be happy :D
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30-Day Challenge, Day 8: A Moment You Felt Most Satisfied in Life

I honestly don't think I've really had that singular, fabulous moment. I did immediately think back to the year I turned 30. Specifically the spring. I had finally paid off ALL my debt (recently mentioned to be up to 20k) while living in my parents' house, but was looking to move out. In April, I turned in my base-model Malibu and bought a Pontiac Grand Prix, which was the best car I've ever owned, but turned over for a used car back when I was 25 because I was making stupid decisions based on money.

I remember my parents were heartbroken I turned it in back then, because A) they helped me get that first Grand Prix, B) they didn't realize how bad my finances were, and C) I got a terrible, 10-year-old Cadillac in its place.

But now, I had THE CAR I WANTED, which I'd picked out weeks before on CarMax, and took care of all payments and paperwork and whatnot by myself. A few weeks later, I had my apartment lined up (the one I just moved out of), and was extremely happy that I was finally out of the drudge of my 20s and would be starting my 30s in a much better fashion.

Totally Off-Topic:
I maybe, kinda, sorta want to write a long Jensen/Danneel fic. Are there any het-based challenges out there?
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30-Day Challenge, Day 7: Your Zodiac Sign and If You Think It Fits You

I'm a Gemini, and while I don't 100% follow astrological messages, I do think I fit into a lot of what a gemini is. Just a few items I found here, that I definitely think is a part of me.

ExpandAll about me and Gemini )
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30-Day Challenge, Day 6: 30 Interesting Facts About You

I LIKE THIS ONE! YAY NO MORE DEPRESSING DRUG AND SUICIDE TALK!

Expand30 Facts About Moi )
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30-Day Challenge, Day 5: A Time You Thought About Ending Your Life

Oy, this is all so heavy! I thought it would be more fun ... but that's what I get for not reading ahead.

A few years ago, I was feeling really terrible and crying on the train all the time when going home. I didn't want to go home, didn't want to end up in an empty apartment for hours on end with nothing to do but watch TV, didn't want to keep getting up in the morning feeling like shit and going to work still feeling like shit. One Friday, on the train ride home, I began planning to take the remainder of a bottle of old darvocet, knowing I had previously had bad reactions to it. By the time I got home, I felt bad because my parents were out of town and all I kept thinking about was how horrible it would be for them to return from vacation to find out I'd killed myself.

Of course, my guilt linked to others is what would stop me :-\

There was another time after I got the cats that I thought about it, but then imagined the cats meowing and walking all over the bed, wondering why I wasn't getting up to feed them or give them water or whatever. And since then, I've never really thought of it again.
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This is gonna be short and sweet because I've been sick with a bad stomach virus for the last two days, eating only saltines and drinking juice or Diet Sierra Mist. It's no fun, at all!

30-Day Challenge, Day 3: Your Views on Religion

I was baptized, took communion, and was confirmed in a Roman Catholic church. My parents both went to catholic school through grade school because that's what you did on the South Side of Chicago, so they continued to have us go on the chance that we decided to be committed to the church. None of us ever were. In high school, I become rather disillusioned with the church (the one we attended and the sense of church in general). My issues are mainly with the idea that people can be assholes and judge me for not going to church simply because they dedicate an hour on Sundays to being there - I'm making a sweeping generalization, I KNOW, but I did hear it from people I used to see in church. I also know of people in my parrish who were taken advantage of (monetarily, emotionally, sexually) by priests I was taught by, so I'm highly cynical of the good there.

Overall, though, I'm very much of the attitude that you don't bug me on my avoidance of religion and I'll leave you alone, too. I have a few friends who are highly religious and attend church weekly and ... we just don't talk about it. It's not a big deal between us. In fact, my two closest friends from college would go together and as they were leaving the apartment, they'd ask if I was sure I didn't want to go. I'd reply 'nah, that's cool, but say hi to God for me!' And it became a running joke, and no one was offended. I didn't mock them for their believes, and they didn't judge me for not believing.

It's a happy world when people can just be happy with the good in each other, instead of focusing on the differences :D
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30-Day Challenge, Day 3: Your Views on Drugs and Alcohol

Is it ironic that I'm making this post semi-hungover? Ugh. So, I enjoy drinking, and I used to do it to an unhealthy amount. I've scaled back A LOT and am still kind of working on acknowledging when to stop and all that. So, I have a love-hate relationship with alcohol. Drugs on the other hand ... well, I smoke, when I know I shouldn't, but have also cut back on that. But anything else? Aside from prescription drugs that are needed and taken as prescribed, I am not a-okay with. I don't even like marijuana, and actually judge it pretty highly given that my brother's ex is a huge-ass pot head, and has been since her mother got her into it at age 12 (which also scares us since my niece is now 12).

Relatedly, though, I'm fascinated by stories of people overcoming addiction and what fuels the addiction and the recovery. I've seen SO MANY episodes of Intervention, I probably needed my own intervention to get over it. IDK, I just consider it apart of my love for documentaries.
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First off!

♥ LOVE MEME ♥

full meme | my thread



Second, for the 30-Day Blog Challenge, Day 2.
Where you'd like to be in 10 years

I joked with a co-worked on Friday that at my next review, when they ask, "Where do you want to be in five years," I would reply, "I want to be in any position that keeps me from doing Dept. of Transportation prequalifications." Because they are a bitch. LOL But for real ... I'd like to see myself in a nicer apartment, hopefully no longer single, thinner, happier, and just more at peace with the world and myself.
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I figure to keep up with random posting, I should have a schedule, or a plan, or something. So I'm going to follow this 30-Day Blog Challenge that [livejournal.com profile] enablelove found a few days ago.

(I know I've failed at the 30-day OTP Porn challenge, but my brain is all fic-ed out right now, after doing BB then some timestamps, but I hope to get back to it soon).

Day One: Your Current Relationship; If Single, Describe Single Life
I am most definitely single. Have been for about a decade, at least, really. The last 'relationship' I was in was basically a hook-up that went off and on for about eight months. I really liked him, but it never would've worked. ANYWAY. So I'm single, and there are great pros and bad cons for sure. The pros include being able to come and go as I please, having time to myself when needed/wanted, answering to no one, decorating my apartment just as I please, having two awesome cats I want to devote my time to, avoiding drama, putting myself first, watching whatever TV I want, whenever, and always having the best side of the bed.

Cons are basically founded upon the fact that sometimes I get lonely. Sometimes I want to have someone to come home to, to count on for help, to pick me up on bad days, to bring around to events where everyone I know is coupled off, to show off, to actually have sex, to vacation with when friends aren't available, to laugh with over stupid TV or movies or dumb inside jokes, to go out to dinner with, to be charmed and wined and dined by, etc etc etc.

I think on the whole, since I've been single* for so long, and know/witness a fair share of bad relationships where people have just settled, I feel pretty comfortable with my spot right now. Of course, I wish I wasn't 34 without any prospects, but such is life.

*I started to type 'all alone' and I was like, wait a minute ... I'm not ALL alone, I have friends to talk to and hang with on occasion. It's amazing what perspective really does to someone.
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Title: Hot Tub!
Words: 800
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jensen's tired, and Jared's horny, and there's a hot tub to break in. Part of the moving-in-verse that I'm now creating for the porn challenge :D
Notes: Written for the 30-Day OTP Porn Meme, Day 3: Body Fluids (sweat); and for [livejournal.com profile] deirdre_c who suggested hot tub sex here.

Read on AO3

Expandread more )
dugindeep: (Default)
Title: A Night to Remember
Words: 970
Rating: NC-17
Summary: They're just trying to have sex. Is that too much to ask? Of course it is.
Notes: Written for Day 2 (Things Don't Go As Planned) of the 30-Day OTP Porn Challenge. Timestamp to The Best Laid Plans of Jensen Ackles.

read on AO3

ExpandRead More )

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