I've Got My Hands Up So Take Your Aim

SO VERY MUCH THE WORST.

But also very alive and fine. Aside from being under a work deadline that I've screwed myself over because I've had insomnia for the last week ... about the same timing as when I had it last year. I wonder if there's something to be said for that *thinky face*

It also doesn't help that I've been working from home the last two weeks ... so when I'm up too late, then I sleep in late and/or nap in the afternoon, thus being wide awake at night. Yesterday I slept from 4-1030 am then from 12-5pm and did like 0 minutes of work. So bad. So last night I just faced facts and stayed up ... and I'm still awake, working for the last few hours, meaning I was online at 5am as it's now 8am. I have a counselor's appointment this morning so it's good timing to talk to her about it.

In fandom news, I signed up for my EIGHTH YEAR of spn_j2_bigbang. Will this be the year I actually finish a WIP ... ahead of, dare I say, schedule????

I also was talking kitty!jensen with peeps on Twitter and then remembered that time I wrote cat!Dean. So I put that up on AO3 (though I then received an email that it was marked as spam until they review and release it for public view *eyeroll*)

Anyway ... here it is:

Title: Kitty Kitty, Bang Bang
Words: 19,000
Characters: Sam & Dean Gen
Summary Sam and Dean hit Santa Barbara on the basis of missing persons reports, Plain Jane types who seemingly disappear without a trace. When they get too close to the problem, Dean falls victim to the same fate. There’s far too much research and not enough answers. But, the real question is which of them has it worse: Sam, who has to figure out the entire case on his own with no help from his brother and the inability to keep his cool. Or Dean, who now has four paws, three eyelids, and a batch of whiskers. They say curiosity killed the cat, but Sam and Dean aren’t going down without a fight.

Let's have a Serious Conversation (yes capitals) about fandom ... I believe it is a quiet feeling among writers and artists and other creators that the shift to AO3, Twitter, and Tumblr has obliterated feedback, connections, and conversations in fandom. I say it is a quiet feeling because I have had this conversation in person, but few of us say it aloud (in writing):

Feedback helps drive the creators forward.

As cherie_morte recently said (paraphrased): without comments/feedback, we're just shouting into a void; if we love an idea in our heads and we have no connection with those reading/seeing it, then the ideas remain in with us - they are not created and shared with the group.

I do believe that AO3 makes it easy to go for a simple click of the kudos rather than leaving a comment. And I do believe that the increase in device reading (tablets, smart phones, etc) has decreased the timing (or chance) for a person to go back to the post and comment. And I also believe that Twitter has replaced LJ as a forum for conversations and discourse regarding fandom, the show, etc. But I also believe it comes down to the people and how we are using these platforms.

AO3 has a comment button - so it's not hard at all to leave a more committed comment to tell someone why you've enjoyed what they created. LJ is still here with the same functions we all discovered via fandom. And both applications allow free account creation, which makes it one easy step to sign in and leave feedback. I think this is essential for 'new' members to buy into the fandom that is still around and kickin', as well as celebrate the folks who left TEN YEARS of fabulous content to enjoy today, tomorrow, and years later.

This fandom is dwindling rapidly ... and while I see plenty of folks on Twitter talk about being 'new' to fandom, I think the culture has shifted so far towards disconnected that we're not longer interacting with and supporting fandom.

So, I implore anyone reading this post to comment on posts, leave feedback (and more than just 'sequel??'), recognize the contributions folks are making (have made) to fulfill the wealth of created content we are fortunate to have at our fingertips, and start the feedback loop to encourage folks to continue - and even join - the special community feeling that has always made fandom fun!

I promise to post more ... about the show, life, whatever ... and to comment on more posts, more often. Because we can no longer complain about fandom dying when we're not doing a thing to save it.

SAVE OUR FANDOM!

Here's that writing meme going around, rounding up a year of 2015, which had far less fic than I had anticipated /0\

Overall word count is approximately 123,000. It felt exceptionally low, so I went back and counted for 2014 and was surprised. 2014 was only 96,000 (approximately). Very surprised, because I know I used to do like 200,000-300,000 per year and then to have a huge drop off is incredible (not in the good way).

( 2015 Fic in Review )

Three long work days in a row and I finally gave up around 10pm last night because my brain was fried. Luckily I was already at home, but I had run around like crazy at work then went to Target* once I was home, ate dinner super late, and then had to do a ton of work writing. Writing for work is always way more exhausting than ficly fun :-\

*I'm going up into Wisconsin tonight for a long weekend with friends at their lake house, and because I've been so slammed, I decided to just go shop for shit rather than do tons of laundry and sort through all my things to pack. Because that's how adults do it, apparently. I've been told there is no wifi/cell reception and I'm not sure how I feel about that ... I was more worried about work because we're so slammed, but then my brother was like "No cell service? You're gonna die up there." Hah. At least last night I spent time downloading like 30 Big Bangs onto my iPad to read on the drive and while up there.

But upside is escaping from all regular things and hanging with friends and relaxing lakeside. It could not have come as a better break right now as I've been hustling for a week to get my current proposal draft ready for internal reviews AND preparing for a six-hour-long - YES SIX HOURS - meeting today for my next assignment. Upside is we have a good chance at winning both so I'm feeling really pumped to get this shit done :D

FYI, this is the best gif I've seen in forever ...

Last night, I fell asleep on the couch around 7pm, for about three hours. Meaning that when I woke up at 10:30ish, I was no longer tired because of that nice three-hour nap, and I stayed up until 2am. And then of course overslept this morning. To make matters even better, I had changed my work password last Friday and then this morning just ... couldn't remember it. Like, at all. I remembered trying to do a riff on a Star Wars thing, but it was mega long so I decided to change it to something easier. Still, couldn't really remember it and tried so many combinations that I finally locked myself out of my account.

Two hours later, IT finally was able to reset my password (IDK why it took so long *kicks IT*) and I could put in a new one. Fingers crossed I actually REMEMBER this one.

In the meantime, ganked from raloria
Right Now I'm...

Feeling: Tired and blah for how the morning has gone
Wearing: grey pants, yellow v-neck, black cardigan (which is semi-dumb as it's super humid here today)
Wishing: I had gotten more work done this morning.
Missing: Friends - at work, IRL, and in fandom.
Thinking: About what to get for lunch when there's a severe thunderstorm predicted to hit any minute now.
Wondering: How much work I can nail down in the afternoon.
Raving About: The Seven Five, a documentary about the dirtiest cop in NYC, back in the 1980s. Includes current interviews with him and the cops and drug dealers around him.
Ranting About: A coworker who can't just get a clue and do his own job without imepeding on mine.
Fangirling/Drooling Over: kelleigh's Big Bang Anagram, a threesome relationship fic with Jensen/Tahmoh/Jared. LOVE THIS.
Thankful For: All that I have ... a good job, friends, family, home, kitties, etc.
Planning: For my current proposal. So much to be done in five weeks! So hard to decide where to start.
Looking Forward To: Summer plans, like a mini camping trip this weekend, outdoor bands/concert/fair on 4th of July, Lollapalooza and Paul McCartney in August!
Dreading: This terrible weather.
Wanting: New summer clothes!
Hoping: The weather isn't SO terrible today.

This meme created by raloria.

Title: Just Another Saturday Night
Rating: NC-17
Words: 4,000
Summary: They work on Jensen's family farm and are inseparable. No one really questions it, so they just carry on as normal, hanging together before the weekly bonfire.
Notes: HS-aged AU. I think I've spent too much time with Morgan Falls and watching CMT videos because I suddenly wanted a lazy, young, slice of country life fic to exist. Here it is.

( Just Another Saturday Night )