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dugindeepMaster Post
Part 3
She’s fussy and loud, meowing nonstop as she falls over to her side in front of the food bowl.
“What?” Jensen complains. “You have food.”
Meowwww.
“Your bowl is full.” He points at it, just inches from her face. “It’s right there.”
Meowwww, Val replies morosely.
“I filled the bowl not even an hour ago. You have plenty of food you could be eating.”
Another meow and something clicks.
Jensen thinks back to all those blogs he’s been religiously reading every few days, no matter how all the words are clear as day in his mind.
“You have plenty of food you could be eating,” he repeats slowly, doing all he can to slow down the realization about to crash upon him. “You have plenty of food, but you’re not eating. And you’re loud and crabby … and you’re totally going into labor, aren’t you?”
He stares at her and she stares back before lifting her paw and licking all over the back of it.
Another line from those cat blogs comes into view from his memory and it most definitely clicks into place. He had a feeling, but now he has an absolute notion that she is absolutely going into labor, which can be very quick and very messy.
Jensen is not prepared for either.
But he knows a veterinarian who is, so Jensen pulls out his cell phone and looks up one Dr. Jared Padalecki. The contact entry shows both office and cell, which trips Jensen up. The clinic’s website and business cards list both. Jared, himself, insisted he could be reached via cell after hours, had even flashed Jensen a very kind, convincing smile when he said it.
Truth be told, Jensen had never intended to actually use it. And he didn’t, so thinking about calling now to report his cat is, as expected, going into labor is really tripping him up. He decides that a text will serve him just as well, even if Jensen then wonders how appropriate that is, but here he is typing out the words one after another.
I think Val is having the kittens
Like soon
Like right now
After a deep breath, he adds, This is Jensen Ackles by the way
Jensen waits an unnerving long time for a reply. He freezes when three little bubbles bounce in the message for Dr. Padalecki’s response, then they stop and he cries out, “What?!”
More frustrating is when his phone rings with Dr. Jared Padalecki at the top of the screen and Jensen doesn’t want to answer it. He doesn’t want Jared to hear the panic in his voice, to know just how unhinged Jensen can be when under the kind of pressure he anticipates when having to watch his cat go through the process of popping out kittens – four of them – out of her body.
He intends to hit the big red button, he really does, but his stupid thumb hits the green one first and now he has to talk. First, he puts the call on speaker then tries to keep his voice as level as possible. “Hello?”
“Jensen!” Jared happily calls out. “Your girl’s about to bust, huh?”
Jensen hates the visual, but he agrees. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. She’s … she’s uh.” He looks at Val and she’s meticulously grooming her other front paw now, scrubbing it against her face after every long lick. “She’s cleaning herself.” The force of her paw against her head makes Jensen take a step back, and he adds, “Kind of aggressively.”
Jared laughs, loud and long, and Jensen cringes at how ridiculous he feels about this whole matter.
“But, also, she’s not eating and she’s just kind of vegging out in front of her bowl. She’s not hiding like all the blogs said she would, but she’s like … lazier? Even more lazier than she’s been lately?”
“Okay, cool, cool …”
Cool Jensen mouths. Yeah, totally cool, sure, okay.
“Just get together some towels for her. See if she’ll lie down on them so she doesn’t make a mess of your floor.”
Jensen stalls at the images now running through his brain. “How messy is it gonna get?”
“Well, she’ll start with some discharge and then you know it’s really close. And you want something for the kittens to land on.”
“Land?” Jensen nearly shrieks. “What, like they’re gonna shoot out of her?”
“Jensen?” Jared asks, surprisingly calm for all of Jensen’s hysterics. “Do you need some help?”
He does, in fact, need help. In all sorts of ways, but he supposes the vet means in the matter unraveling in front of him. “Well, I just …”
“I can help,” he offers
Jensen sighs in relief and says, “If it’s not any trouble, I wouldn’t say no.”
“Alright, gimme your address and I’ll head over.”
“Right now?”
“Unless you wanna wait until after the kittens are here?”
“No, no, of course. Right. Yeah, right now,” Jensen rattles off then promises to text his address. Which he does after he hangs up unceremoniously … no goodbye or thanks or see you soon. Just, hits the big red button then types out his address with incredibly shaky thumbs.
Now his mind isn’t the only thing spinning; his stomach begins a spectacular loop of somersaults as he takes in his apartment and wonders how much he can clean up before Jared gets here.
* * *
It takes a while … both for Jared to show up and Val to have her kittens. He just misses the birth, which means he also misses Jensen’s spectacular freak out, shouting and hand wringing and all.
But once Jared is there, Jensen is laughing brightly and showing him to the kitchen where Val is stretched out on her favorite blanket from the couch, cleaning her four new babies.
“They just fell out,” Jensen tells him. “Like no big deal. She was going through these contractions and then they came right out, one right after the other.”
Jared laughs with him. “Told you to have a place for them to land.”
“And she didn’t even care,” Jensen nearly cries out, still amazed at the miracle of her so easily giving birth. Not once, but four times, all in a matter of quick minutes. “She was just like ‘oh yeah, they’re here now’ and then rolled over for them to feed.”
“It’s a pretty incredible thing, huh?”
“I was imagining some sort of torturous labor, like hours and hours of pain and howling. The kinds of things our mothers complain about. But she just took care of business in seconds. My girl’s a champ!”
“I guess I missed all the fun then.” Suddenly, Jared seems awkward. For the first time in all the times Jensen has looked at the man, there’s sees something halting him.
In an odd way, it’s comforting, given Jensen lives every day of his life feeling like he’s unable to step forward and say and do the things that first come to mind.
Jensen does feel a sliver of guilt for asking Jared to come by to help, especially so late at night. And now, the deed is done, the kittens are here, and Jared is doing nothing but listening to Jensen’s play by play while turning his hands over one another and taking a deep breath.
“So,” Jensen prompts with the same halted way Jared appears. “I know it’s getting late.”
“Right, yeah, I should – ”
Jensen knows the end of that sentence, but doesn’t want to hear it, so he offers, “You want a beer?”
“A beer?” Jared asks, words coming out slowly like he’s never heard them before.
Or maybe because he’s never heard Jensen offer something like this. Jensen barrels right past that concern and explains, “I feel like we should have a celebratory beer. People smoke cigars when a kid is born. I don’t have any cigars, but beers seem like a good replacement.”
Jared immediately smiles, though it’s not like the broad excited ones Jensen’s been lucky to witness. It’s careful and restrained, yet his eyes are also sparkling like they’re smiling, too, so Jensen considers it a win.
“You look like you’re into good beer?” Jensen asks moving to the fridge and swinging the door open. He shows off the three racks on the door packed with a wide variety of some of his favorite selections, cans and bottles alike. “What’re you into? Lagers on the top shelf then Pale Ales, IPAs. It gets stronger the lower you go …” Then he searches Jared’s face, which has come awfully close as he checks out Jensen’s collection. Jensen clears his throat and looks at the beers again. “Or I’ve got some whiskey, I think. If you’re into harder stuff?”
He hears Jared’s quick intake of breath and feels a shiver run through him. He didn’t quite mean it that way, but he admits he rather enjoys the result.
“Whatever you’ve got a taste for,” Jensen prompts.
“What’s this one?” Jared asks, leaning in even closer to point at a top shelf can from Great Lakes Brewing.
“That’s a new one from them. Mexican lager with some lime. It’s a really great summer beer. I know we’re on our way out of the warm, but it’s pretty smooth and refreshing with a lil tart tang to it and …” Jensen suddenly stops, breathes deep, and forces a smile. “Sorry. I get a little carried away with beer.”
“No, that’s cool,” Jared insists as he grabs the can and pops it open. “I like all kinds of stuff, but I never think past whether it tastes good.” He smiles and prompts Jensen, “Tell me everything you know about it.”
“Well,” Jensen mumbles before rubbing at his eyebrow. “That’s probably the extent of it, for that can at least. But I think you might enjoy it.” Jensen pulls a second can of the same beer and avoids looking at Jared too much, even when Jared tips his can to Jensen.
“A toast,” Jared insists.
“A toast to what?”
“To the new mama. And the new grandpa.”
Jensen winces. “That makes me sound old.”
“Well, you do have a lot of white hair.”
Jensen shamefully touches the back of his head then tries to hide the movement with a quick touch to the side of his neck.
Instead, Jared reaches forward and plucks a long white hair from Jensen’s shoulder, one of Val’s. He holds it up between them and grins. “Okay, pretend it’s an eyelash and make a wish.”
He takes his time to think up a good one … thoughts of Jared suddenly flash before his eyes and he’s confused and excited all the same. But then he looks down at Val on the floor, still cleaning her kittens and keeping them close and warm. He thinks a little about that night he brought her in from the rain and held her wrapped up in one of his bath towels as her massive coat dried and he didn’t want to disrupt her until he just had to get to the bathroom.
So he wishes that she stays healthy, her babies, too, and that they all live long lives together. He wishes he can keep them all together. And he wishes he can continue going to see Jared to keep all five of them happy and healthy for a long time coming.
“Well?” Jared asks and Jensen realizes he’s taking quite a long time and probably ruined everything by counting down too many wishes. “Do you not have anything to wish for?”
Jensen surprises himself when he admits, “I think I have too much, actually.” He looks at this new tiny family at his feet, and he can tell Jared does, too. “I kinda wish I could take care of all of them.”
“Maybe you could.”
Shaking his head, Jensen admits, “Taking her in was a big deal at the time. Keeping her has been an even bigger deal, for me, at least.”
Jared gives him a warm smile. “But you did it. And very well. She’s obviously happy with you.”
He looks at Val again and feels a hard pressure in chest, right around his heart. “Yeah, I’m happy with her, too.”
Clearing his throat, Jared lifts his can. “I’m thirsty and this beer’s gonna get warm if you don’t make a toast now.”
“Okay, fine,” Jensen laughs. He ends up toasting to Val with the hidden wish that she forgives him for whatever has to happen in a few months, when the kittens are no longer fully dependent on her and they all face that fork in the road to figure out what happens next for all of them.
Then Jensen smiles and blows on the hair with Jared letting it go. They both watch it float down to the ground then Jared taps his beer to Jensen’s again.
“Cheers, grandpa.”
Jensen narrows his eyes at him. “Can you not with the grandpa?”
“Uncle?”
“That’s creepier.” Jared laughs, and so does Jensen as he adds, “How did you make it even creepier?”
“It’s kind of a talent,” Jared replies, tipping his can as he mocks himself. “Taking really lovely things and making them worse.”
“I know that feeling,” he mumbles. His mind makes it worse than Jared’s joke and does a quick replay of all the seemingly nice and innocent moments he’s had with Jared that all went downhill thanks to Jensen’s anxiety.
Jared doesn’t seem to notice, or he does and decides to skate right past it. Instead, he taps at a picture on the fridge and smiles. “That’s a nice one.”
Jensen steps closer to see what Jared’s talking about. As soon as he sees the photo, him with Val in his lap and him leaning in close so their cheeks are pressed together, he spins away and groans. “Oh, God, I don’t know why I left that up there.”
“Because it’s adorable?” Jared asks with a light voice. “And you love it?”
It feels like goading, Jared picking at Jensen, practically poking him in the ribs and teasing like they’re in junior high talking about some crush. But they’re not, because Jared is the crush and Jensen feels all jittery just standing this close to him, let alone joking about pictures on his fridge.
Jensen takes the picture off, putting the magnet back with nothing to hold, no longer doing it’s job.
“Why are you taking it down?” Jared asks with a confused frown.
“Because it’s stupid.” Jensen rubs his thumb over the photo, but turns it over so he doesn’t look at it. He knows he’s making an absurd face in it, smile too big and cheeks all puffed up and his eyes are a little wild because he’d be so excited to finally get Val to sit still long enough. A dozen other photos he took that night feature Val staring at him instead of the camera, licking his face or leaning into the camera to sniff the phone.
Jared takes the picture from him and puts it right back on the fridge, slapping the magnet in place with a loud thunk. “It’s not stupid. It’s really sweet and you should have copies of it in every room.”
Jensen rolls his eyes, but when he looks at Jared again, the guy is smiling, earnest and open.
“In fact, I want one for my office,” Jared insists.
Lifting an eyebrow, Jensen stares at him. “Really?”
“Yeah, definitely,” he pushes on. “I’m collecting photos of my patients to make a big bulletin board.” Jared motions through the air as he announces the signage. “Padalecki’s Pets.”
“That makes it sound like they’re all your pets.”
Jared chuckles before finishing his beer and fiddling with the empty can. “So the name needs a little work.”
“A lot of work.” Jensen realizes he sounds judgmental and he really wishes he could go back just 10 seconds, because Jared had been nothing but playful when dealing with Jensen’s silly pet photo. He tries to ignore the soured feelings filling his brain, that he once again has tarnished a nice moment with Jared, and opens the fridge.
“Well, I’m gonna start the yet-to-be-titled board with this picture right here.” Jared taps at it and gives Jensen a big grin. “Because this is utterly priceless.”
It’s sweet, definitely, for Jared to be saying all this. Jensen can’t let himself go there, though, and needs to distract them from continuing to talk about the photo. He’s afraid Jared will ask about any others that live on his phone, and Jensen isn’t ready to open up that can of worms. So, he shifts gears and offers him another beer. When Jared checks his watch, Jensen immediately adds on, “Or is it too late?”
Jared just shrugs. “If you don’t think so?”
It’s just after 11pm, and Jensen figures it’s getting late for Jared, who still has to head home. But if Jared isn’t going to argue, then neither is Jensen. He’ll happily hand over another can and lead them over to the couch where they can keep watch on the new kittens settling in to sleep at their mama’s belly.
And if Jensen asks Jared useless questions just to hear him talk, then he’ll allow himself the comfort of realizing Jared doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to stop him.
* * *
How are the kitties?
Jensen reads the text a few times, even makes sure the sender really is Jared … making sure it’s really Jared’s personal cell and not someone else at the clinic, like Danneel. If it’s Jared reaching out so soon, and after the other night, then maybe this means something. And maybe that long, drawn out silence when Jensen had walked Jared to the elevators means something, too, where they both seemed to delay goodbye, but didn't have anything smarter to say.
A louder part of his mind tells him it’s just the same thing he’s been butting up against since he met Jared. The vet is doing his job and that’s all.
So Jensen quickly runs down a maddening series of rabbit holes and each one leaves Jensen more and more confused and anxious. His mind spins with all sorts of complications and dead ends, and he’s not sure which way is up or down when it comes to Jared.
The man is attractive, both physically and intellectually. Jensen surely wouldn’t mind knowing him more, but there’s the trip up of having to dance on thin ice through this process of dating.
Lord, Jensen is awful at dating. Always has been and he knows he always will be. He overthinks everything already … from what streets to take on each delivery to avoid even the most minor delays to how much to say or how he says it when talking to customers and especially now whenever he runs into Danneel in the building. Adding on the complication of Jared and whatever these thoughts … feelings … are, it nearly short circuits his already frenzied mind.
In lieu of figuring this out now, or even typing out an answer, Jensen decides to take a picture. Val is sleeping on the new fleece blanket Jensen picked up the day after she gave birth, to replace the one that was soiled that night. All cozy in her corner of the couch with her four babies nestled in along her belly, patches of grey, white, and orange all mixed up together that Jensen isn’t all too sure where one kitten ends and the next begins.
Jensen takes a long moment to look at the picture on his phone, zooming in on different parts to make out each individual kitten. Something warm breaks out in his chest and he suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. Val did this. His cat, his baby girl, birthed these kittens and now keeps them close to love and care and watch over them.
For a minute, he thinks about how he did all of that for her, too. He never imagined he would be in this moment to feel so much about someone else, a pet, hell a cat of all things.
With that burst of happiness, he sends the picture to Jared and doesn’t have to wait long for a reply.
That’s the cutest shit I’ve ever seen
Jensen grins and types back, It is, isn’t it?
Must be even cuter in person
It really is. Jensen waits a few seconds, seeing if Jared is typing back, but he isn’t. Which could be bad, but it also gives Jensen the chance to add, Want to come witness the cutest shit ever in person?
It takes a full minute, maybe even two, and they are the longest damn minutes of Jensen’s life until Jared finally replies You bet your ass I do and they spend the next five minutes making arrangements for when Jared closes up the clinic, what he’ll grab for them to eat, and if Jensen has enough of that Great Lakes Mexican Lager.
* * *
At just four days old, the kittens are incredibly tiny. Jensen is constantly afraid he’ll pet them too hard, even with just the barest touch of a fingertip.
In Jared’s hands, they’re so absurdly small that Jensen can’t stop laughing at the image. He even snaps a few photos. “You’ll have to come back every week, so we can track their growth spurts based on your hands.”
“Hey, as long as you have beer,” Jared says with a nod to the can between his knees, “I’m happy to serve as your measuring tape.”
Jensen thinks that sounds weird, even thinks about commenting on it, but Jared just continues softly smiling at the kittens when he checks out each one with careful, albeit large hands. Jensen wonders if Jared’s doing this from a professional standpoint or just because … but he tells himself not to worry about it. Jared is here, in Jensen’s apartment, happily inspecting the litter and even giving mama some sweet attention with long strokes over her back.
“So, they all seem okay, right?” Jensen asks as he hovers just a foot or two away, watching the kittens shuffling around one another to find a spot to feed. “I’ve been watching them pretty much all the time to make sure they’re all able to eat and that she’s taking care of them. Bathing them and all that.”
“Yeah, they seem great,” Jared replies happily. He glances up to Jensen with a sweet look, and surely it’s just how he feels about the kittens, but Jensen still feels the quick kick to his heart rate to be staring into Jared’s eyes when he looks like this. “I’m just having fun holding each of them.”
“Yeah, of course,” Jensen insists. “And it’s kind of fun to watch you do that.”
“Just kind of?”
“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. Just that you’re here and that’s cool and I …” didn’t want to say it’s amazing and sound like an idiot, he finishes off in his head. He’s finding himself saying too much lately, especially with Jared. He thinks it’s just residual excitement for Val and the kittens.
“Jensen, I’m happy to come by and check on them,” Jared says carefully. “I don’t live that far away.”
“Yeah, of course. And I’m happy that you’ve been able to do all this to help. You’re really committed to your job.”
Jared snorts and looks back at the kitten in his hands, the one with more orange swaths of hair on its belly and up over its neck.
Jensen wonders what that noise is about because it doesn’t sound as open and calm as Jared typically is, and he immediately goes into a tailspin for saying the wrong thing. It had been going so well the last few times they’ve interacted and now Jensen has gone and ruined it with … what? A compliment to Jared’s dedication to animals? Is that what has really done him in when he thought maybe they were sort of, kind of flirting? Perhaps, finally on the same page.
But there’s something off and Jensen reconsiders those thoughts.
“Did I,” Jensen starts, pulling right back before he finishes that question.
Jared puts the kitten down, running a finger over its head before turning towards Jensen. In this position, a man as tall as Jared could – and should – go through some sort of diminishing effect, what with Jensen standing above him. Still, Jensen feels the world teetering enough that he senses he’s at his own disadvantage under Jared’s scrutinizing gaze.
“Did you what?” Jared finally asks.
There’s no way Jensen can ask Did I do something wrong? because then Jared would tell him that yes, Jensen did in fact screw this up and will likely detail exactly how. Jensen would rather not hear that story, especially right from Jared’s mouth and so soon after it happening. So, he shifts gears and asks, “Did I tell you that Val’s back to eating and drinking regularly?”
Jared puts on a smile, but it’s weak and forced, Jensen can tell. He thumbs over Val’s forehead, stroking between her eyes and back to her ears, then stands up and pats Jensen’s shoulder as he passes. “I should head out.”
“Really?” Jensen asks as he trails behind Jared to the door. He hears just how disappointed he sounds, but there isn’t much else to do anymore, right? He’s already on this sad, pathetic descent, ruining yet another perfectly good interaction with a human being. One in a long string of what should have been good interactions with Jared, yet Jensen is so very good at crashing and burning.
The door’s open and Jared’s through it, slinking away along with any chance Jensen had to stay in the vet’s good graces. Maybe Jensen was foolish to think there was any chance to have any sort of connection here, even just as general friendship or guidance of a professional veterinarian to a pet owner, now in charge of four new kittens. Even if only temporarily.
“Glad you could stop by,” Jensen says to Jared’s retreating back, because it seems like that’s what he’s supposed to say, whether this visit is sadly aborted or not.
Jared stops a few feet from Jensen’s apartment, slowly turning around to look at him. The expression on his face is totally unreadable and Jensen’s stomach sours for whatever Jared is about to say to him.
“Jensen,” he says carefully.
There isn’t much to say at this point so Jensen steels himself from the coming blow.
“I know we don’t know each other very well.”
Oh God, Jensen wails inside his head. This is not a good start to a sentence, especially in this mired tone of potential confusion or annoyance.
“But I’m sort of a straight shooter,” Jared goes on, and Jensen wonders if the problem all along has been that Jared is very much not gay. Maybe he hasn’t been all this time and that’s where Jensen went wrong, from the very start.
“Yeah, okay,” Jensen says with a put-upon smile. “I get it.”
“Do you?”
Okay, maybe he doesn’t.
“I didn’t come over to just check on the kittens,” Jared says, brow furrowing and lips turning down. “And I didn’t have to come over when they were born.”
Shit, now Jensen is ashamed for bothering Jared far beyond any professional standards. He knew he shouldn’t have ever texted him that night, shouldn’t have expected anything more than guidance in a nine to five structure at the clinic.
“I came by because I’m interested in getting to know you.”
Jensen holds in his nervous laughter and the quiet insistence that, Surprise, you’re getting to know that I’m a basket case who can’t communicate with people without ruining everything.
“That’s all I’ve tried to do since I met you.”
He clenches his eyes shut against the embarrassment that he has read every single conversation correctly, yet had talked himself out of it each time. That he brought upon this tension and humiliation himself. He did this. He’s the asshole who’s ruined everything.
Jared shrugs with a lopsided smile. “And I thought maybe you were interested in getting to know me. But it never really worked out, huh? If I read the room wrong and you’re just looking for some help to – ”
“I am,” Jensen suddenly blurts out.
Shaking his head, Jared asks, “You are, what?”
Jensen sucks in a breath, holds it for a count to three, then lets it all out. From his lungs and his brain and his mouth, it all spills forth. “I am interested in you. I think you’re really kind and funny and so good at your job and of course really attractive. But I’m terrible at talking, or thinking, or overthinking and worrying over every single thing I say or do and it’s really kind of a problem, which is why I’ve been alone for so long and why taking Val in has been such a big deal for me.”
By now, Jared’s eyes are bulging in shock and Jensen’s not entirely sure he doesn’t deserve it after all his anxiety has done to twist up this situation.
He also has no clue how long he’s supposed to wait for Jared’s response, so he just goes on. “But I like talking to you, even when I don’t like talking to anyone. And there’s something about you that makes me nervous as hell to say these kinds of things and yet also makes me feel like I want to tell you all of this. And all the times we talked, I had thought, or hoped, that it meant something then we would just circle back to Val and your job, so I figured that’s all it was. Just a vet talking to a client, but it wasn’t just that for me. I think I ruined it, though. And you probably think I’m utterly crazy and that you should definitely leave now.”
Jared blinks, remaining silent, which is far more infuriating than if he had a negative reaction and bolted for the elevators.
Jensen isn’t sure how to take this, what to make of the quiet between them, but then Jared slowly smiles and takes a step forward. Then another, and a few more until he’s standing right in front of Jensen. “Maybe we’re all a little crazy in some ways?”
“How so?”
Jared shrugs and gives him a lopsided grin. “Some people think I talk too much and am too silly and have no shame with my emotions.”
The only good response to that is a big gulp, along with Jensen blinking up at Jared’s earnest eyes focused right back at him. It’s like he’s under a warm spotlight, tethered to Jared’s orbit and unable to look away.
“Maybe it’s supposed to be that way, you know?”
Jensen feels and hears his own labored breathing as he tries to piece all of this together … they like each other, they’ve both said so, and now Jared is going down some path that Jensen isn’t sure he can see as well as Jared does, because he has no idea what Jared is asking him. And he says so with a small shake of his head. “No I don’t know.”
Jared chuckles and he’s now close enough that Jensen can feel the warm puff of air from those pink, so very pink lips that Jared licks. “That you never quite know what to say and I never know when to shut up. Like maybe that’s what makes this whole getting to know each other thing so interesting? Because sometimes I find myself wanting to slow down to hear what you have to say, instead of just run off at the mouth with any cheap joke I can dig up.”
“You do?” Jensen asks quietly, because surely Jared is not really saying all of this. Jensen must be back in his bedroom fast asleep, with Val on his hip and the alarm about to wake him from this absurd dream.
“Yeah, I do.”
“But you were going to leave,” rushes out of Jensen’s mouth, and fuck, he wishes he could find the control hatch on his thoughts. But as usual, when he’s standing in front of Jared, it’s hard to stop the flow of words through his lips.
“Because I thought I was reading it wrong,” Jared admits with one shoulder rising in a half-hearted shrug. “And you mentioned that I was doing this to help like it’s part of my job, so then I assumed it was you just seeing this as Dr. Jared making a house call.”
“I mean, I do really appreciate the house call,” Jensen says, because he absolutely does. But also he maybe intended to joke a little, and Jared’s crooked smile is a grand reward for his effort.
“So I figured I’d leave now that I knew … or thought I knew … what was going on.”
Jensen swallows a lump in his throat, pushing down the escalating nerves of this conversation. Even if it’s going rather well, Jensen is so terrified of screwing things up. Yet he feels like with all of Jared’s admissions, it’s possible Jensen can make a few missteps here without slipping right over the edge of the cliff and destroying whatever’s happening in this moment. “No, it wasn’t just me commenting on house calls. It was me just being really poor at talking to people and flirting and stuff.”
“So you were flirting with me?” Jared asks, eyes narrowing a little and stepping even closer.
“I was attempting to, yes,” he concedes. “And rather poorly.”
Jared smirks, and as he breathes in deep through his nose, his chest brushes against Jensen’s, which is a surprising turn of events and makes Jensen hold his own breath to steady himself on shaky knees. “It’s not so bad, now that I know.” Before Jensen can answer that, Jared’s face opens up into something more vulnerable that Jensen has never seen in him. “Can I kiss you?”
Jensen thinks that Jared asking, and waiting for permission, is perhaps one of the most charming things he could do in this moment, after all that Jensen gave away of himself. He rocks on his tip toes and nods, waiting for Jared to dip right in and start what just may be the most anticipated kiss in all of Jensen’s life.
Of course, that’s when he feels the press of something against the back of his legs and he glances down to see Val running past them down the hall.
“No!” Jensen shouts, unfortunately right in Jared’s face, and then he’s running past Jared to catch up to her.
At that moment, of course, someone has just come off the elevator and Val slips through the closing doors just before Jensen gets there. He searches the doors like it’ll give him an answer to what she’s doing and why, because she’s never escaped like that before, and most definitely never left his side (or at the very least, her comfy spot on the couch). But now she’s run off on her own and left the kittens behind.
“Why the hell would she …” Jensen suddenly remembers Jared standing at his doorway and he turns to look at him, where the guy is standing completely shell shocked. He’s not sure if it’s because Jensen yelled in the split second before they were about to kiss and ran off without further explanation, or if he has any clue what just happened and how dire this situation is about to become.
Jensen runs back to the apartment, grabs his keys off the kitchen counter, then rushes back out to lock the door. He’s already to the stairwell when he realizes Jared is still just watching him and the frantic worry about Val is too strong to have any sense of respect, so he winds up barking at him, “Are you coming or not? She got out!”
Jared finally snaps to it, glancing at the door then back to Jensen. “Are you kidding me? I didn’t even see … I thought you were just …”
Jensen jogs back to Jared, tugging on his wrist and pulling them to the exit stairs in a hopeful attempt to beat the slow elevator down to the main floor.
When they get down to the lobby, Danneel is coming in through the front door and fumbling with a dripping umbrella. She looks over her shoulder to the front stoop then turns towards them with a strange expression before nearly being run over by them.
“Whoa!” she cries out while tripping around the rush and melee of Jensen hurrying to the door. “Jared? What the hell are you doing here?”
“Have you seen Val?” Jensen asks, frantically looking all around the lobby.
“Yeah, she just went out. I thought maybe – ”
Danneel doesn’t get to finish her sentence, or maybe she does, but Jensen doesn’t hear it, because he runs out the front door and into a torrential downpour. His clothes are soaked in seconds and he’s wiping water out of his eyes as he jogs down the stairs and tries his best to see through the dark rain.
“Jensen!” Jared calls from the top of the stairs, still protected by the overhang on the stoop.
“We have to find her!” Jensen panics as he has a hard time getting his eyes to focus with rain dripping into them. He keeps shoving his hands over his hair and down his face as he jogs a few doors down to look all around.
“Jensen, come back here and – ”
“No! She’s terrified of the rain. That’s how I found her that night.” Jensen comes running right past his building and passes a few buildings in the other direction, looking down gangways and even to the other side of the street.
Terror fills him, colder than the rain pounding down, and he fears where she could be hiding and how hard it will be to find her. Or worse, if she suddenly drummed up enough courage to stand the storm and run off to who knows where for who knows how long.
His heart is racing impossibly fast and he can’t breathe and the rain is so loud, but the agonizing horror of what’s happening is even louder. He can’t focus on any one noise or sight around him, and he keeps spinning in place to spy a big patch of white and grey fur in the mammoth shape of Val.
It really shouldn’t be so hard to find a cat the size of a small tank.
“Jensen, she’s – ”
“She’s gone!” he yells, anger overtaking any of the other emotions racing through his system. “How could she leave? Just leave her babies behind? Leave …” me he thinks, rejection sitting like a heavy weight in his gut. She’s run away from the nice life they’d carved out together, run away from him after spending so many countless hours at his side.
The whole reason he no longer cared to form connections was to avoid this sharp dagger of rejection. To avoid someone growing tired of him, of his anxieties and tics, and running away when they no longer cared to waste time around him.
He thinks maybe Jared is also at that point because he sees him rushing down the steps and disappearing around the side of the cement stairs. Maybe the guy’s running down the gangway to avoid whatever mess Jensen will be now that Val’s gone and he’s alone, with four abandoned kittens to care for far before they should be without a mother.
Then Jared reappears, sopping wet just like Jensen, hair straggling down his face in soaked lines, and his arms curled around a dirty mess of rags and legs and hair … and Jensen suddenly realizes it’s Val.
It suddenly slots into place and Jensen realizes Jared saw her all this time, spotted her hiding out by that same window where Jensen found her on the last spring rain over a year ago. She’d been at least half the size she is now, all huddled up in a muddy ball, terrified for him to touch her as she shivered in the bitter cold rain.
She’s a huge mass in Jared’s already large arms, and she looks a sadder state than that night Jensen got to her, probably due to her size and even longer hair soaked and matted in all directions.
Jensen races to meet him, trailing up the stairs and reaching for her, but Jared shrugs him off. “I got her,” Jared insists. “Just get the door so we can get out of this rain.”
Once inside, Jensen crowds in close to touch and pet and check her out, make sure she isn’t sick or injured, though she is a dripping mess like the two of them. Water pools all around them, dripping down their arms and legs and faces, and Jensen doesn’t give a shit at all so long as he has her back after this torment, no matter how short it was in the grand scheme of things.
“Why would you do that? Are you crazy?” he’s asking her. Begging, really, because nothing about this escape makes any sense, especially just days after giving birth with four perfectly healthy kittens depending on her.
She’s still shivering, but it seems more obvious now that they’re standing still and in the light of the lobby. Jared cuddles her closer to his chest while pressing his fingers around her neck, side, and belly, likely checking to be sure nothing has happened to her in the small patch of time she was out of sight.
“Is she okay? Tell me she’s okay,” Jensen pleads. “Is something wrong?”
“No, she seems okay,” Jared assures him. “Just scared and cold.”
“Okay, yeah, great,” he pants out now that he can breathe and think past constricting fear.
Suddenly, it all replays in his head for how manic he became in racing out of the building, yanking Jared along, and worst of all, when out on the street, that he was too lost in his panic to listen to what Jared was trying to say. Jared had seen her there by the window all along and those extra minutes had gone a long way to rile Jensen up so tightly.
“I am so sorry,” Jensen rushes on to say.
Jared looks at him with wide eyes. “For what?”
“For making you run outside with me in the rain like that. For not listening to you. For being like this. For being me.”
A frown creases Jared’s face, bringing his always shining eyes down to a dull look. “Don’t ever apologize for being you.”
“Yeah, but I just totally went off the rails and you had to – ”
Jared leans right in to kiss Jensen. It’s not long or particularly amazing, just a press of one cold, wet mouth to another, but it shuts Jensen up, so it does the job.
“You,” Jensen says before trailing off with a few more, “You … you …”
“Don’t care that you’re like this. You being like this means you ran after Val the second she was loose. I didn’t even see her, didn’t notice what was happening around us. I was too offended you stopped me before I could kiss you.”
“And then you just did,” he points out, blinking up at him.
Jared nods, turning his face down to look at Val, still all cold and curled up in his arms. “Yeah, I did. Mostly to stop you from continuing off the rails. But I promise I can do a lot better.”
Slowly, Jensen starts to smile. When Jared smiles in return, all soft with pink cheeks, Jensen has to distract himself with something else; it’s all too much to see when his emotions are already running all over, up, down, and left and right. He’s still scared as hell for Val, but then exhilarated that she’s here with him now, not to mention whatever fuss of feelings he’s got over Jared, growing brighter by the minute.
“Okay,” Jensen says on a quiet hush because he doesn’t want to push too much right now. Besides, they’re still in the lobby with his soaking wet cat, not to mention themselves dripping all over. “We should get her upstairs and dry her off. Maybe you, too,” he adds with a tiny smirk.
“I like where you’re going with that,” Jared replies with a wink before motioning for Jensen to move ahead to the elevator.
* * *
Back in the apartment, they dry off, then end up on the couch while Jensen admires how Jared is so careful with her, softly running the plush towel over her hair. She’s still shaking, though remains otherwise content in Jared’s lap. She isn’t trying to jump down and go hide somewhere else. Which makes Jensen wonder …
“Why would she run off? Just suddenly leave?”
Jared shakes his head as he keeps rubbing the towel against her in soothing strokes like he would pet her any other time he’s seen her. “I don’t know. I always thought she was pretty stuck on you all the time?”
“Yeah. I haven’t seen her run off in … “ Well, ever, he realizes. “Ever since I first met her outside, she’s just always been at my side. Even here at home. I mean, she’s been a little more sedentary the last few weeks with the pregnancy, but still getting up into bed or on the couch when I’m there.”
“Maybe she’s going stir crazy. She hasn’t been outside in a while?”
“Yeah for a week or two, I guess.” Jensen feels a little better to have some sort of explanation. Of course, he wishes Jared had the answer, being a professional and all, though he supposes there was a whole other matter of discourse when it comes to animal psychology. “But she didn’t even go far,” he points out. “She got outside then just sat there.”
“You said she’s scared of the rain?”
“I mean, she plays with the sinks and stuff, so water’s not an issue. But the few times she’s been outside with bad rain and thunder and all that, she just freezes up.” He shakes his head. “I can’t believe I didn’t even think to look down there. That’s exactly where she was the first time I ever brought her up here. Just all sunk into herself and scared of me to come near her.” Jensen reaches out to rub his thumb between her eyes, dipping gently down to her nose and back, just like he knows she loves when she’s warm and sleepy. “But you found her and I don’t even know how to thank you.”
Jared looks at him and silent moments pass as they share eye contact, listening to the soft, gentle purr of Val between them. The corner of his mouth quirks up and Jensen expects something about that disrupted kiss … or maybe even something more than that given the way Jared’s eyeing him now. “How about a beer?”
“That’s all?” Jensen asks, disappointment sinking into his words. “You just want a beer?”
“To start,” Jensen suggests. “I think I need something to calm me down after her escape.”
Once the cat is on her way to dry, Jared stands and pulls at the jeans fully molded to his thighs with how wet they are. Jensen sucks in a breath and squeezes at the cans in his hands, which he had forgotten he’d already opened and now they splash beer over his knuckles and onto the floor.
“You okay there?” Jared asks and it doesn’t take long at all for him to notice how Jensen’s looking at him.
Surely, Jared can see the blush heating up Jensen’s cheeks and he steps forward to take the beers from him. He puts them down on the coffee table then brings Jensen in so they’re pressed chest to chest, heating up with body heat despite how their clothes are still cold and damp.
The kiss is warm and deep, ramping up quickly when Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s waist and pulls him in close. Jensen finds himself leaning up on his toes to match Jared’s angle and it’s good, far better than the kiss downstairs in the lobby.
It’s been so long since Jensen’s kissed anyone, not to mention like this. His nerves are flaring and making him want to pull away, but there’s comfort in letting Jared lead, allowing himself to fall right into it. In a way, it’s really nice to just take the time and enjoy the feel of Jared’s mouth on his, their tongues dancing together, hands roaming and touching and warming each other up.
Suddenly, Jensen thinks about how he’s freezing from the waist down with his jeans, socks, and shoes still all soaked. Before he realizes, he’s pulled away from the kiss to tug at the side of his jeans where they’re particularly stuck to his skin.
Jared chuckles and asks if he’s interested in taking care of the rest of their wet clothes and Jensen surely knows what that means, so he leads Jared to the bedroom. Jensen tries to convince himself his shivering is from the cold and not at all because Jared fondly watches as each piece of Jensen’s clothing comes off, or how Jared’s hands are slow to touch Jensen’s arms and chest as he undresses.
Jensen, on the other hand, is completely frozen when Jared pulls his own clothes off, revealing so much tan skin that Jensen is overwhelmed by the beauty of the body before him. He even murmurs a reverent oh my god when Jared is down to just boxer briefs, and Jared grins at him with a cheeky, “You, too.”
Jared walks them closer to the bed and leans with Jensen down to the mattress, crawling over Jensen and covering him with his whole body.
“Is this okay?” Jared suddenly asks, sounding small and unsure, worried.
Again, Jensen loves that he’s asked, appreciates that while Jared is the one leading them here, Jensen still retains his own power to say no or ask for more. He doesn’t feel the need to right now, so he just nods and lets Jared continue with his hand roaming down Jensen’s side, pulling at his hip as Jared settles between Jensen’s legs and begins a slow rock of their hips together.
Jensen slips his hands into Jared’s hair, wet tendrils twisting around his fingers as they keep going. There’s so much kissing and touching, Jensen can’t focus on any one thing, completely overloaded in seconds and just letting it all wash over him.
As Jared grinds harder, Jensen moans and kicks his head back to the mattress, which gives Jared the chance to drag his mouth down to Jensen’s neck and leave sucking kisses down to his shoulders. Jensen tucks his leg around Jared’s hip to bring them closer together and he knows he won’t last long. He just holds on as Jared rocks them down into the bed, wetly panting against Jensen’s shoulder and sliding his hand between Jensen and the covers so he can grab his ass and pull him in even tighter.
Jensen’s mind wanders to all the things he wishes he could do if he had the nerve to just do it or even to ask, like turn them over and grind right into Jared’s lap, or reach between them and grab Jared’s dick to jack him off, or even ask Jared to fuck him. Those fingers would reach deep, stretching and playing to get Jensen wide open until Jared could push right inside … and that’s what does it. Just imagining what else could happen between them gets Jensen to the edge and he lets out a long, loud moan as he comes.
Jared pulls back with a wide, happy grin, holding himself up with one hand in the mattress by Jensen’s head. He drags his underwear down enough to pull his dick out to fist himself. There’s finally a sliver of courage and Jensen wraps his hand around Jared’s to match his rhythm until Jared removes his hand and lets Jensen take him home with a tight, quick fist and their eyes locked into one another. When Jared comes, his eyes are clenched tight and his lower lip trapped between his teeth, and Jensen wants to reserve that image to memory, for the rest of his life, because Jared’s flushed face and dimples are a sight to behold. One Jensen never imagined he’d get the chance to witness.
When Jared’s back to himself, he rolls to the side and struggles to catch his breath, panting loud with his chest heaving. Jensen steals a few glances and wonders what all is going through Jared’s mind. Wonders what comes next, because Jensen fears the expectations after this, is terrified his hopes won’t match up with Jared’s.
He thinks it sure would be nice if he wasn’t always so buried in his own thoughts. If only he could force his way out of his comfort zone of complete silence to avoid negative responses.
The thing is, ever since meeting Jared, he has been pushing his way out of what he’s always done. Even if it took a while to get here, he recognizes that he’s been slowly moving the needle all this time and if he thinks about it as incremental steps, then it’s not all too scary.
With that in mind, he holds his breath for a moment then hazards to ask, “Everything good?”
Jared licks his lips with a low chuckle. “Yeah, everything is real good.”
Jensen feels warmth bloom all over, happy and a bit proud of what happened between them, that he made Jared feel good.
“Maybe a little thirsty,” Jared adds. When Jensen moves off the bed to get a glass of water, Jared laughs and yanks at his wrist, pulling him right back to bed. “It’s fine. You don’t have to get it right now.”
“I was just …” Jensen sighs, willing himself to not overthink and just speak. “Being a good host and all that.”
“You don’t have to.” After a moment, Jared does remind him, “Then again, we never had that beer …”
“That’s all I need to hear,” Jensen says and this time, Jared laughs and lets him leave.
So Jensen goes to the living room to get the two cans, though by now they’re room temperature. He’s about to turn to the kitchen for two fresh beers when he sees Val in her regular place on the couch, curled around her pile of kittens.
She’s sleeping peacefully and seems mostly dry, and if Jensen doesn’t think too much on it, it appears like there’s nothing out of the ordinary tonight. But he knows that’s not true. So much has happened … she ran off in a spike of independence and needing to see the outside world after being cooped up here for the last two weeks ... and then Jared and Jensen got over whatever miscommunication they’ve been threading through all this time and they’ve found their way to this very moment where Jensen is going to return to bed where an exceptionally naked Jared awaits him under some very warm and very hairy covers.
If anyone can understand an abundance of cat hair, thankfully it should be the vet.
Val’s head is tucked down by the kitten with the most orange and Jensen thinks he should probably name them if they’re gonna be sticking around for some time. Even if he decides to adopt them out and some other family will give them new names, he’d like for this time count together and make memories between them all. He knows he’ll want to take hundreds more photos of them all. Maybe he’ll even start an Instagram for them. According to his many Google searches, they’re all the rage now.
Jensen finally gets the beers and heads back to bed, initially surprised Jared has the TV on and remote in his hand, but Jared looks adorably guilty like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar that Jensen just laughs at him and passes a can. They settle in for some TV and at one point, Jared looks at him with a twist of his mouth and asks if it’s okay that he’s still here. If this is impeding on Jensen’s life or something, because, otherwise, “And no hard feelings,” Jared insists, “I can leave.”
“No, you’re not impeding on anything.” After a moment, he adds, “And thank you for asking.”
Jared smiles at him, like he’s proud of Jensen for saying so. “Of course.”
They don’t last much longer, after all the melee and worry over Val and then the excitement of what happened in this bed. Jensen is not offended in the least when Jared falls asleep next to him. He just picks up the nearly finished beer in Jared’s hand and puts it on the nightstand next to his, then slides lower under the covers to get a good night of warm sleep right beside Jared.
* * *
Kitties good? Jared texts the next afternoon. Happy to have their mama back?
They seem good. Her too. Even after all the drama.
If she starts with watery eyes, runny nose, or sneezing, I can come check her out
I’ll bring her in if that happens
The text dots bounce around then disappear, only to bounce again and stop once more.
Jensen still worries when Jared types out replies then doesn’t send them. He wonders too far down the line of what those words were and worse, why Jared determined it was best not to send them.
So, he takes some time to think through his next message and once he’s got it all aligned in his mind, and gets over the minor freak out if it’s the right thing to say, he quickly taps out: From now on, doctor things only at the clinic. You come here because you want to.
There’s another dance of dots before Jared’s reply comes in. It’s a deal.
The dots reappear, dancing all around a few different times and Jensen grows impatient with whatever message is brewing on the other side.
Then finally: Do you like Chinese? I can grab some on my way. A few more dots and Jared adds… if you’re free?
Mongolian beef and crab rangoon Jensen replies, adding a smiley emoji then thanks and finally a kissing emoji. He hopes the last part isn’t all too much, but then Jared replies with an emoji that looks like it’s thinking dirty thoughts and Jensen is pretty sure his texting skills are pretty alright.
Part 5
Part 3
She’s fussy and loud, meowing nonstop as she falls over to her side in front of the food bowl.
“What?” Jensen complains. “You have food.”
Meowwww.
“Your bowl is full.” He points at it, just inches from her face. “It’s right there.”
Meowwww, Val replies morosely.
“I filled the bowl not even an hour ago. You have plenty of food you could be eating.”
Another meow and something clicks.
Jensen thinks back to all those blogs he’s been religiously reading every few days, no matter how all the words are clear as day in his mind.
“You have plenty of food you could be eating,” he repeats slowly, doing all he can to slow down the realization about to crash upon him. “You have plenty of food, but you’re not eating. And you’re loud and crabby … and you’re totally going into labor, aren’t you?”
He stares at her and she stares back before lifting her paw and licking all over the back of it.
Another line from those cat blogs comes into view from his memory and it most definitely clicks into place. He had a feeling, but now he has an absolute notion that she is absolutely going into labor, which can be very quick and very messy.
Jensen is not prepared for either.
But he knows a veterinarian who is, so Jensen pulls out his cell phone and looks up one Dr. Jared Padalecki. The contact entry shows both office and cell, which trips Jensen up. The clinic’s website and business cards list both. Jared, himself, insisted he could be reached via cell after hours, had even flashed Jensen a very kind, convincing smile when he said it.
Truth be told, Jensen had never intended to actually use it. And he didn’t, so thinking about calling now to report his cat is, as expected, going into labor is really tripping him up. He decides that a text will serve him just as well, even if Jensen then wonders how appropriate that is, but here he is typing out the words one after another.
I think Val is having the kittens
Like soon
Like right now
After a deep breath, he adds, This is Jensen Ackles by the way
Jensen waits an unnerving long time for a reply. He freezes when three little bubbles bounce in the message for Dr. Padalecki’s response, then they stop and he cries out, “What?!”
More frustrating is when his phone rings with Dr. Jared Padalecki at the top of the screen and Jensen doesn’t want to answer it. He doesn’t want Jared to hear the panic in his voice, to know just how unhinged Jensen can be when under the kind of pressure he anticipates when having to watch his cat go through the process of popping out kittens – four of them – out of her body.
He intends to hit the big red button, he really does, but his stupid thumb hits the green one first and now he has to talk. First, he puts the call on speaker then tries to keep his voice as level as possible. “Hello?”
“Jensen!” Jared happily calls out. “Your girl’s about to bust, huh?”
Jensen hates the visual, but he agrees. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. She’s … she’s uh.” He looks at Val and she’s meticulously grooming her other front paw now, scrubbing it against her face after every long lick. “She’s cleaning herself.” The force of her paw against her head makes Jensen take a step back, and he adds, “Kind of aggressively.”
Jared laughs, loud and long, and Jensen cringes at how ridiculous he feels about this whole matter.
“But, also, she’s not eating and she’s just kind of vegging out in front of her bowl. She’s not hiding like all the blogs said she would, but she’s like … lazier? Even more lazier than she’s been lately?”
“Okay, cool, cool …”
Cool Jensen mouths. Yeah, totally cool, sure, okay.
“Just get together some towels for her. See if she’ll lie down on them so she doesn’t make a mess of your floor.”
Jensen stalls at the images now running through his brain. “How messy is it gonna get?”
“Well, she’ll start with some discharge and then you know it’s really close. And you want something for the kittens to land on.”
“Land?” Jensen nearly shrieks. “What, like they’re gonna shoot out of her?”
“Jensen?” Jared asks, surprisingly calm for all of Jensen’s hysterics. “Do you need some help?”
He does, in fact, need help. In all sorts of ways, but he supposes the vet means in the matter unraveling in front of him. “Well, I just …”
“I can help,” he offers
Jensen sighs in relief and says, “If it’s not any trouble, I wouldn’t say no.”
“Alright, gimme your address and I’ll head over.”
“Right now?”
“Unless you wanna wait until after the kittens are here?”
“No, no, of course. Right. Yeah, right now,” Jensen rattles off then promises to text his address. Which he does after he hangs up unceremoniously … no goodbye or thanks or see you soon. Just, hits the big red button then types out his address with incredibly shaky thumbs.
Now his mind isn’t the only thing spinning; his stomach begins a spectacular loop of somersaults as he takes in his apartment and wonders how much he can clean up before Jared gets here.
It takes a while … both for Jared to show up and Val to have her kittens. He just misses the birth, which means he also misses Jensen’s spectacular freak out, shouting and hand wringing and all.
But once Jared is there, Jensen is laughing brightly and showing him to the kitchen where Val is stretched out on her favorite blanket from the couch, cleaning her four new babies.
“They just fell out,” Jensen tells him. “Like no big deal. She was going through these contractions and then they came right out, one right after the other.”
Jared laughs with him. “Told you to have a place for them to land.”
“And she didn’t even care,” Jensen nearly cries out, still amazed at the miracle of her so easily giving birth. Not once, but four times, all in a matter of quick minutes. “She was just like ‘oh yeah, they’re here now’ and then rolled over for them to feed.”
“It’s a pretty incredible thing, huh?”
“I was imagining some sort of torturous labor, like hours and hours of pain and howling. The kinds of things our mothers complain about. But she just took care of business in seconds. My girl’s a champ!”
“I guess I missed all the fun then.” Suddenly, Jared seems awkward. For the first time in all the times Jensen has looked at the man, there’s sees something halting him.
In an odd way, it’s comforting, given Jensen lives every day of his life feeling like he’s unable to step forward and say and do the things that first come to mind.
Jensen does feel a sliver of guilt for asking Jared to come by to help, especially so late at night. And now, the deed is done, the kittens are here, and Jared is doing nothing but listening to Jensen’s play by play while turning his hands over one another and taking a deep breath.
“So,” Jensen prompts with the same halted way Jared appears. “I know it’s getting late.”
“Right, yeah, I should – ”
Jensen knows the end of that sentence, but doesn’t want to hear it, so he offers, “You want a beer?”
“A beer?” Jared asks, words coming out slowly like he’s never heard them before.
Or maybe because he’s never heard Jensen offer something like this. Jensen barrels right past that concern and explains, “I feel like we should have a celebratory beer. People smoke cigars when a kid is born. I don’t have any cigars, but beers seem like a good replacement.”
Jared immediately smiles, though it’s not like the broad excited ones Jensen’s been lucky to witness. It’s careful and restrained, yet his eyes are also sparkling like they’re smiling, too, so Jensen considers it a win.
“You look like you’re into good beer?” Jensen asks moving to the fridge and swinging the door open. He shows off the three racks on the door packed with a wide variety of some of his favorite selections, cans and bottles alike. “What’re you into? Lagers on the top shelf then Pale Ales, IPAs. It gets stronger the lower you go …” Then he searches Jared’s face, which has come awfully close as he checks out Jensen’s collection. Jensen clears his throat and looks at the beers again. “Or I’ve got some whiskey, I think. If you’re into harder stuff?”
He hears Jared’s quick intake of breath and feels a shiver run through him. He didn’t quite mean it that way, but he admits he rather enjoys the result.
“Whatever you’ve got a taste for,” Jensen prompts.
“What’s this one?” Jared asks, leaning in even closer to point at a top shelf can from Great Lakes Brewing.
“That’s a new one from them. Mexican lager with some lime. It’s a really great summer beer. I know we’re on our way out of the warm, but it’s pretty smooth and refreshing with a lil tart tang to it and …” Jensen suddenly stops, breathes deep, and forces a smile. “Sorry. I get a little carried away with beer.”
“No, that’s cool,” Jared insists as he grabs the can and pops it open. “I like all kinds of stuff, but I never think past whether it tastes good.” He smiles and prompts Jensen, “Tell me everything you know about it.”
“Well,” Jensen mumbles before rubbing at his eyebrow. “That’s probably the extent of it, for that can at least. But I think you might enjoy it.” Jensen pulls a second can of the same beer and avoids looking at Jared too much, even when Jared tips his can to Jensen.
“A toast,” Jared insists.
“A toast to what?”
“To the new mama. And the new grandpa.”
Jensen winces. “That makes me sound old.”
“Well, you do have a lot of white hair.”
Jensen shamefully touches the back of his head then tries to hide the movement with a quick touch to the side of his neck.
Instead, Jared reaches forward and plucks a long white hair from Jensen’s shoulder, one of Val’s. He holds it up between them and grins. “Okay, pretend it’s an eyelash and make a wish.”
He takes his time to think up a good one … thoughts of Jared suddenly flash before his eyes and he’s confused and excited all the same. But then he looks down at Val on the floor, still cleaning her kittens and keeping them close and warm. He thinks a little about that night he brought her in from the rain and held her wrapped up in one of his bath towels as her massive coat dried and he didn’t want to disrupt her until he just had to get to the bathroom.
So he wishes that she stays healthy, her babies, too, and that they all live long lives together. He wishes he can keep them all together. And he wishes he can continue going to see Jared to keep all five of them happy and healthy for a long time coming.
“Well?” Jared asks and Jensen realizes he’s taking quite a long time and probably ruined everything by counting down too many wishes. “Do you not have anything to wish for?”
Jensen surprises himself when he admits, “I think I have too much, actually.” He looks at this new tiny family at his feet, and he can tell Jared does, too. “I kinda wish I could take care of all of them.”
“Maybe you could.”
Shaking his head, Jensen admits, “Taking her in was a big deal at the time. Keeping her has been an even bigger deal, for me, at least.”
Jared gives him a warm smile. “But you did it. And very well. She’s obviously happy with you.”
He looks at Val again and feels a hard pressure in chest, right around his heart. “Yeah, I’m happy with her, too.”
Clearing his throat, Jared lifts his can. “I’m thirsty and this beer’s gonna get warm if you don’t make a toast now.”
“Okay, fine,” Jensen laughs. He ends up toasting to Val with the hidden wish that she forgives him for whatever has to happen in a few months, when the kittens are no longer fully dependent on her and they all face that fork in the road to figure out what happens next for all of them.
Then Jensen smiles and blows on the hair with Jared letting it go. They both watch it float down to the ground then Jared taps his beer to Jensen’s again.
“Cheers, grandpa.”
Jensen narrows his eyes at him. “Can you not with the grandpa?”
“Uncle?”
“That’s creepier.” Jared laughs, and so does Jensen as he adds, “How did you make it even creepier?”
“It’s kind of a talent,” Jared replies, tipping his can as he mocks himself. “Taking really lovely things and making them worse.”
“I know that feeling,” he mumbles. His mind makes it worse than Jared’s joke and does a quick replay of all the seemingly nice and innocent moments he’s had with Jared that all went downhill thanks to Jensen’s anxiety.
Jared doesn’t seem to notice, or he does and decides to skate right past it. Instead, he taps at a picture on the fridge and smiles. “That’s a nice one.”
Jensen steps closer to see what Jared’s talking about. As soon as he sees the photo, him with Val in his lap and him leaning in close so their cheeks are pressed together, he spins away and groans. “Oh, God, I don’t know why I left that up there.”
“Because it’s adorable?” Jared asks with a light voice. “And you love it?”
It feels like goading, Jared picking at Jensen, practically poking him in the ribs and teasing like they’re in junior high talking about some crush. But they’re not, because Jared is the crush and Jensen feels all jittery just standing this close to him, let alone joking about pictures on his fridge.
Jensen takes the picture off, putting the magnet back with nothing to hold, no longer doing it’s job.
“Why are you taking it down?” Jared asks with a confused frown.
“Because it’s stupid.” Jensen rubs his thumb over the photo, but turns it over so he doesn’t look at it. He knows he’s making an absurd face in it, smile too big and cheeks all puffed up and his eyes are a little wild because he’d be so excited to finally get Val to sit still long enough. A dozen other photos he took that night feature Val staring at him instead of the camera, licking his face or leaning into the camera to sniff the phone.
Jared takes the picture from him and puts it right back on the fridge, slapping the magnet in place with a loud thunk. “It’s not stupid. It’s really sweet and you should have copies of it in every room.”
Jensen rolls his eyes, but when he looks at Jared again, the guy is smiling, earnest and open.
“In fact, I want one for my office,” Jared insists.
Lifting an eyebrow, Jensen stares at him. “Really?”
“Yeah, definitely,” he pushes on. “I’m collecting photos of my patients to make a big bulletin board.” Jared motions through the air as he announces the signage. “Padalecki’s Pets.”
“That makes it sound like they’re all your pets.”
Jared chuckles before finishing his beer and fiddling with the empty can. “So the name needs a little work.”
“A lot of work.” Jensen realizes he sounds judgmental and he really wishes he could go back just 10 seconds, because Jared had been nothing but playful when dealing with Jensen’s silly pet photo. He tries to ignore the soured feelings filling his brain, that he once again has tarnished a nice moment with Jared, and opens the fridge.
“Well, I’m gonna start the yet-to-be-titled board with this picture right here.” Jared taps at it and gives Jensen a big grin. “Because this is utterly priceless.”
It’s sweet, definitely, for Jared to be saying all this. Jensen can’t let himself go there, though, and needs to distract them from continuing to talk about the photo. He’s afraid Jared will ask about any others that live on his phone, and Jensen isn’t ready to open up that can of worms. So, he shifts gears and offers him another beer. When Jared checks his watch, Jensen immediately adds on, “Or is it too late?”
Jared just shrugs. “If you don’t think so?”
It’s just after 11pm, and Jensen figures it’s getting late for Jared, who still has to head home. But if Jared isn’t going to argue, then neither is Jensen. He’ll happily hand over another can and lead them over to the couch where they can keep watch on the new kittens settling in to sleep at their mama’s belly.
And if Jensen asks Jared useless questions just to hear him talk, then he’ll allow himself the comfort of realizing Jared doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to stop him.
How are the kitties?
Jensen reads the text a few times, even makes sure the sender really is Jared … making sure it’s really Jared’s personal cell and not someone else at the clinic, like Danneel. If it’s Jared reaching out so soon, and after the other night, then maybe this means something. And maybe that long, drawn out silence when Jensen had walked Jared to the elevators means something, too, where they both seemed to delay goodbye, but didn't have anything smarter to say.
A louder part of his mind tells him it’s just the same thing he’s been butting up against since he met Jared. The vet is doing his job and that’s all.
So Jensen quickly runs down a maddening series of rabbit holes and each one leaves Jensen more and more confused and anxious. His mind spins with all sorts of complications and dead ends, and he’s not sure which way is up or down when it comes to Jared.
The man is attractive, both physically and intellectually. Jensen surely wouldn’t mind knowing him more, but there’s the trip up of having to dance on thin ice through this process of dating.
Lord, Jensen is awful at dating. Always has been and he knows he always will be. He overthinks everything already … from what streets to take on each delivery to avoid even the most minor delays to how much to say or how he says it when talking to customers and especially now whenever he runs into Danneel in the building. Adding on the complication of Jared and whatever these thoughts … feelings … are, it nearly short circuits his already frenzied mind.
In lieu of figuring this out now, or even typing out an answer, Jensen decides to take a picture. Val is sleeping on the new fleece blanket Jensen picked up the day after she gave birth, to replace the one that was soiled that night. All cozy in her corner of the couch with her four babies nestled in along her belly, patches of grey, white, and orange all mixed up together that Jensen isn’t all too sure where one kitten ends and the next begins.
Jensen takes a long moment to look at the picture on his phone, zooming in on different parts to make out each individual kitten. Something warm breaks out in his chest and he suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. Val did this. His cat, his baby girl, birthed these kittens and now keeps them close to love and care and watch over them.
For a minute, he thinks about how he did all of that for her, too. He never imagined he would be in this moment to feel so much about someone else, a pet, hell a cat of all things.
With that burst of happiness, he sends the picture to Jared and doesn’t have to wait long for a reply.
That’s the cutest shit I’ve ever seen
Jensen grins and types back, It is, isn’t it?
Must be even cuter in person
It really is. Jensen waits a few seconds, seeing if Jared is typing back, but he isn’t. Which could be bad, but it also gives Jensen the chance to add, Want to come witness the cutest shit ever in person?
It takes a full minute, maybe even two, and they are the longest damn minutes of Jensen’s life until Jared finally replies You bet your ass I do and they spend the next five minutes making arrangements for when Jared closes up the clinic, what he’ll grab for them to eat, and if Jensen has enough of that Great Lakes Mexican Lager.
At just four days old, the kittens are incredibly tiny. Jensen is constantly afraid he’ll pet them too hard, even with just the barest touch of a fingertip.
In Jared’s hands, they’re so absurdly small that Jensen can’t stop laughing at the image. He even snaps a few photos. “You’ll have to come back every week, so we can track their growth spurts based on your hands.”
“Hey, as long as you have beer,” Jared says with a nod to the can between his knees, “I’m happy to serve as your measuring tape.”
Jensen thinks that sounds weird, even thinks about commenting on it, but Jared just continues softly smiling at the kittens when he checks out each one with careful, albeit large hands. Jensen wonders if Jared’s doing this from a professional standpoint or just because … but he tells himself not to worry about it. Jared is here, in Jensen’s apartment, happily inspecting the litter and even giving mama some sweet attention with long strokes over her back.
“So, they all seem okay, right?” Jensen asks as he hovers just a foot or two away, watching the kittens shuffling around one another to find a spot to feed. “I’ve been watching them pretty much all the time to make sure they’re all able to eat and that she’s taking care of them. Bathing them and all that.”
“Yeah, they seem great,” Jared replies happily. He glances up to Jensen with a sweet look, and surely it’s just how he feels about the kittens, but Jensen still feels the quick kick to his heart rate to be staring into Jared’s eyes when he looks like this. “I’m just having fun holding each of them.”
“Yeah, of course,” Jensen insists. “And it’s kind of fun to watch you do that.”
“Just kind of?”
“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. Just that you’re here and that’s cool and I …” didn’t want to say it’s amazing and sound like an idiot, he finishes off in his head. He’s finding himself saying too much lately, especially with Jared. He thinks it’s just residual excitement for Val and the kittens.
“Jensen, I’m happy to come by and check on them,” Jared says carefully. “I don’t live that far away.”
“Yeah, of course. And I’m happy that you’ve been able to do all this to help. You’re really committed to your job.”
Jared snorts and looks back at the kitten in his hands, the one with more orange swaths of hair on its belly and up over its neck.
Jensen wonders what that noise is about because it doesn’t sound as open and calm as Jared typically is, and he immediately goes into a tailspin for saying the wrong thing. It had been going so well the last few times they’ve interacted and now Jensen has gone and ruined it with … what? A compliment to Jared’s dedication to animals? Is that what has really done him in when he thought maybe they were sort of, kind of flirting? Perhaps, finally on the same page.
But there’s something off and Jensen reconsiders those thoughts.
“Did I,” Jensen starts, pulling right back before he finishes that question.
Jared puts the kitten down, running a finger over its head before turning towards Jensen. In this position, a man as tall as Jared could – and should – go through some sort of diminishing effect, what with Jensen standing above him. Still, Jensen feels the world teetering enough that he senses he’s at his own disadvantage under Jared’s scrutinizing gaze.
“Did you what?” Jared finally asks.
There’s no way Jensen can ask Did I do something wrong? because then Jared would tell him that yes, Jensen did in fact screw this up and will likely detail exactly how. Jensen would rather not hear that story, especially right from Jared’s mouth and so soon after it happening. So, he shifts gears and asks, “Did I tell you that Val’s back to eating and drinking regularly?”
Jared puts on a smile, but it’s weak and forced, Jensen can tell. He thumbs over Val’s forehead, stroking between her eyes and back to her ears, then stands up and pats Jensen’s shoulder as he passes. “I should head out.”
“Really?” Jensen asks as he trails behind Jared to the door. He hears just how disappointed he sounds, but there isn’t much else to do anymore, right? He’s already on this sad, pathetic descent, ruining yet another perfectly good interaction with a human being. One in a long string of what should have been good interactions with Jared, yet Jensen is so very good at crashing and burning.
The door’s open and Jared’s through it, slinking away along with any chance Jensen had to stay in the vet’s good graces. Maybe Jensen was foolish to think there was any chance to have any sort of connection here, even just as general friendship or guidance of a professional veterinarian to a pet owner, now in charge of four new kittens. Even if only temporarily.
“Glad you could stop by,” Jensen says to Jared’s retreating back, because it seems like that’s what he’s supposed to say, whether this visit is sadly aborted or not.
Jared stops a few feet from Jensen’s apartment, slowly turning around to look at him. The expression on his face is totally unreadable and Jensen’s stomach sours for whatever Jared is about to say to him.
“Jensen,” he says carefully.
There isn’t much to say at this point so Jensen steels himself from the coming blow.
“I know we don’t know each other very well.”
Oh God, Jensen wails inside his head. This is not a good start to a sentence, especially in this mired tone of potential confusion or annoyance.
“But I’m sort of a straight shooter,” Jared goes on, and Jensen wonders if the problem all along has been that Jared is very much not gay. Maybe he hasn’t been all this time and that’s where Jensen went wrong, from the very start.
“Yeah, okay,” Jensen says with a put-upon smile. “I get it.”
“Do you?”
Okay, maybe he doesn’t.
“I didn’t come over to just check on the kittens,” Jared says, brow furrowing and lips turning down. “And I didn’t have to come over when they were born.”
Shit, now Jensen is ashamed for bothering Jared far beyond any professional standards. He knew he shouldn’t have ever texted him that night, shouldn’t have expected anything more than guidance in a nine to five structure at the clinic.
“I came by because I’m interested in getting to know you.”
Jensen holds in his nervous laughter and the quiet insistence that, Surprise, you’re getting to know that I’m a basket case who can’t communicate with people without ruining everything.
“That’s all I’ve tried to do since I met you.”
He clenches his eyes shut against the embarrassment that he has read every single conversation correctly, yet had talked himself out of it each time. That he brought upon this tension and humiliation himself. He did this. He’s the asshole who’s ruined everything.
Jared shrugs with a lopsided smile. “And I thought maybe you were interested in getting to know me. But it never really worked out, huh? If I read the room wrong and you’re just looking for some help to – ”
“I am,” Jensen suddenly blurts out.
Shaking his head, Jared asks, “You are, what?”
Jensen sucks in a breath, holds it for a count to three, then lets it all out. From his lungs and his brain and his mouth, it all spills forth. “I am interested in you. I think you’re really kind and funny and so good at your job and of course really attractive. But I’m terrible at talking, or thinking, or overthinking and worrying over every single thing I say or do and it’s really kind of a problem, which is why I’ve been alone for so long and why taking Val in has been such a big deal for me.”
By now, Jared’s eyes are bulging in shock and Jensen’s not entirely sure he doesn’t deserve it after all his anxiety has done to twist up this situation.
He also has no clue how long he’s supposed to wait for Jared’s response, so he just goes on. “But I like talking to you, even when I don’t like talking to anyone. And there’s something about you that makes me nervous as hell to say these kinds of things and yet also makes me feel like I want to tell you all of this. And all the times we talked, I had thought, or hoped, that it meant something then we would just circle back to Val and your job, so I figured that’s all it was. Just a vet talking to a client, but it wasn’t just that for me. I think I ruined it, though. And you probably think I’m utterly crazy and that you should definitely leave now.”
Jared blinks, remaining silent, which is far more infuriating than if he had a negative reaction and bolted for the elevators.
Jensen isn’t sure how to take this, what to make of the quiet between them, but then Jared slowly smiles and takes a step forward. Then another, and a few more until he’s standing right in front of Jensen. “Maybe we’re all a little crazy in some ways?”
“How so?”
Jared shrugs and gives him a lopsided grin. “Some people think I talk too much and am too silly and have no shame with my emotions.”
The only good response to that is a big gulp, along with Jensen blinking up at Jared’s earnest eyes focused right back at him. It’s like he’s under a warm spotlight, tethered to Jared’s orbit and unable to look away.
“Maybe it’s supposed to be that way, you know?”
Jensen feels and hears his own labored breathing as he tries to piece all of this together … they like each other, they’ve both said so, and now Jared is going down some path that Jensen isn’t sure he can see as well as Jared does, because he has no idea what Jared is asking him. And he says so with a small shake of his head. “No I don’t know.”
Jared chuckles and he’s now close enough that Jensen can feel the warm puff of air from those pink, so very pink lips that Jared licks. “That you never quite know what to say and I never know when to shut up. Like maybe that’s what makes this whole getting to know each other thing so interesting? Because sometimes I find myself wanting to slow down to hear what you have to say, instead of just run off at the mouth with any cheap joke I can dig up.”
“You do?” Jensen asks quietly, because surely Jared is not really saying all of this. Jensen must be back in his bedroom fast asleep, with Val on his hip and the alarm about to wake him from this absurd dream.
“Yeah, I do.”
“But you were going to leave,” rushes out of Jensen’s mouth, and fuck, he wishes he could find the control hatch on his thoughts. But as usual, when he’s standing in front of Jared, it’s hard to stop the flow of words through his lips.
“Because I thought I was reading it wrong,” Jared admits with one shoulder rising in a half-hearted shrug. “And you mentioned that I was doing this to help like it’s part of my job, so then I assumed it was you just seeing this as Dr. Jared making a house call.”
“I mean, I do really appreciate the house call,” Jensen says, because he absolutely does. But also he maybe intended to joke a little, and Jared’s crooked smile is a grand reward for his effort.
“So I figured I’d leave now that I knew … or thought I knew … what was going on.”
Jensen swallows a lump in his throat, pushing down the escalating nerves of this conversation. Even if it’s going rather well, Jensen is so terrified of screwing things up. Yet he feels like with all of Jared’s admissions, it’s possible Jensen can make a few missteps here without slipping right over the edge of the cliff and destroying whatever’s happening in this moment. “No, it wasn’t just me commenting on house calls. It was me just being really poor at talking to people and flirting and stuff.”
“So you were flirting with me?” Jared asks, eyes narrowing a little and stepping even closer.
“I was attempting to, yes,” he concedes. “And rather poorly.”
Jared smirks, and as he breathes in deep through his nose, his chest brushes against Jensen’s, which is a surprising turn of events and makes Jensen hold his own breath to steady himself on shaky knees. “It’s not so bad, now that I know.” Before Jensen can answer that, Jared’s face opens up into something more vulnerable that Jensen has never seen in him. “Can I kiss you?”
Jensen thinks that Jared asking, and waiting for permission, is perhaps one of the most charming things he could do in this moment, after all that Jensen gave away of himself. He rocks on his tip toes and nods, waiting for Jared to dip right in and start what just may be the most anticipated kiss in all of Jensen’s life.
Of course, that’s when he feels the press of something against the back of his legs and he glances down to see Val running past them down the hall.
“No!” Jensen shouts, unfortunately right in Jared’s face, and then he’s running past Jared to catch up to her.
At that moment, of course, someone has just come off the elevator and Val slips through the closing doors just before Jensen gets there. He searches the doors like it’ll give him an answer to what she’s doing and why, because she’s never escaped like that before, and most definitely never left his side (or at the very least, her comfy spot on the couch). But now she’s run off on her own and left the kittens behind.
“Why the hell would she …” Jensen suddenly remembers Jared standing at his doorway and he turns to look at him, where the guy is standing completely shell shocked. He’s not sure if it’s because Jensen yelled in the split second before they were about to kiss and ran off without further explanation, or if he has any clue what just happened and how dire this situation is about to become.
Jensen runs back to the apartment, grabs his keys off the kitchen counter, then rushes back out to lock the door. He’s already to the stairwell when he realizes Jared is still just watching him and the frantic worry about Val is too strong to have any sense of respect, so he winds up barking at him, “Are you coming or not? She got out!”
Jared finally snaps to it, glancing at the door then back to Jensen. “Are you kidding me? I didn’t even see … I thought you were just …”
Jensen jogs back to Jared, tugging on his wrist and pulling them to the exit stairs in a hopeful attempt to beat the slow elevator down to the main floor.
When they get down to the lobby, Danneel is coming in through the front door and fumbling with a dripping umbrella. She looks over her shoulder to the front stoop then turns towards them with a strange expression before nearly being run over by them.
“Whoa!” she cries out while tripping around the rush and melee of Jensen hurrying to the door. “Jared? What the hell are you doing here?”
“Have you seen Val?” Jensen asks, frantically looking all around the lobby.
“Yeah, she just went out. I thought maybe – ”
Danneel doesn’t get to finish her sentence, or maybe she does, but Jensen doesn’t hear it, because he runs out the front door and into a torrential downpour. His clothes are soaked in seconds and he’s wiping water out of his eyes as he jogs down the stairs and tries his best to see through the dark rain.
“Jensen!” Jared calls from the top of the stairs, still protected by the overhang on the stoop.
“We have to find her!” Jensen panics as he has a hard time getting his eyes to focus with rain dripping into them. He keeps shoving his hands over his hair and down his face as he jogs a few doors down to look all around.
“Jensen, come back here and – ”
“No! She’s terrified of the rain. That’s how I found her that night.” Jensen comes running right past his building and passes a few buildings in the other direction, looking down gangways and even to the other side of the street.
Terror fills him, colder than the rain pounding down, and he fears where she could be hiding and how hard it will be to find her. Or worse, if she suddenly drummed up enough courage to stand the storm and run off to who knows where for who knows how long.
His heart is racing impossibly fast and he can’t breathe and the rain is so loud, but the agonizing horror of what’s happening is even louder. He can’t focus on any one noise or sight around him, and he keeps spinning in place to spy a big patch of white and grey fur in the mammoth shape of Val.
It really shouldn’t be so hard to find a cat the size of a small tank.
“Jensen, she’s – ”
“She’s gone!” he yells, anger overtaking any of the other emotions racing through his system. “How could she leave? Just leave her babies behind? Leave …” me he thinks, rejection sitting like a heavy weight in his gut. She’s run away from the nice life they’d carved out together, run away from him after spending so many countless hours at his side.
The whole reason he no longer cared to form connections was to avoid this sharp dagger of rejection. To avoid someone growing tired of him, of his anxieties and tics, and running away when they no longer cared to waste time around him.
He thinks maybe Jared is also at that point because he sees him rushing down the steps and disappearing around the side of the cement stairs. Maybe the guy’s running down the gangway to avoid whatever mess Jensen will be now that Val’s gone and he’s alone, with four abandoned kittens to care for far before they should be without a mother.
Then Jared reappears, sopping wet just like Jensen, hair straggling down his face in soaked lines, and his arms curled around a dirty mess of rags and legs and hair … and Jensen suddenly realizes it’s Val.
It suddenly slots into place and Jensen realizes Jared saw her all this time, spotted her hiding out by that same window where Jensen found her on the last spring rain over a year ago. She’d been at least half the size she is now, all huddled up in a muddy ball, terrified for him to touch her as she shivered in the bitter cold rain.
She’s a huge mass in Jared’s already large arms, and she looks a sadder state than that night Jensen got to her, probably due to her size and even longer hair soaked and matted in all directions.
Jensen races to meet him, trailing up the stairs and reaching for her, but Jared shrugs him off. “I got her,” Jared insists. “Just get the door so we can get out of this rain.”
Once inside, Jensen crowds in close to touch and pet and check her out, make sure she isn’t sick or injured, though she is a dripping mess like the two of them. Water pools all around them, dripping down their arms and legs and faces, and Jensen doesn’t give a shit at all so long as he has her back after this torment, no matter how short it was in the grand scheme of things.
“Why would you do that? Are you crazy?” he’s asking her. Begging, really, because nothing about this escape makes any sense, especially just days after giving birth with four perfectly healthy kittens depending on her.
She’s still shivering, but it seems more obvious now that they’re standing still and in the light of the lobby. Jared cuddles her closer to his chest while pressing his fingers around her neck, side, and belly, likely checking to be sure nothing has happened to her in the small patch of time she was out of sight.
“Is she okay? Tell me she’s okay,” Jensen pleads. “Is something wrong?”
“No, she seems okay,” Jared assures him. “Just scared and cold.”
“Okay, yeah, great,” he pants out now that he can breathe and think past constricting fear.
Suddenly, it all replays in his head for how manic he became in racing out of the building, yanking Jared along, and worst of all, when out on the street, that he was too lost in his panic to listen to what Jared was trying to say. Jared had seen her there by the window all along and those extra minutes had gone a long way to rile Jensen up so tightly.
“I am so sorry,” Jensen rushes on to say.
Jared looks at him with wide eyes. “For what?”
“For making you run outside with me in the rain like that. For not listening to you. For being like this. For being me.”
A frown creases Jared’s face, bringing his always shining eyes down to a dull look. “Don’t ever apologize for being you.”
“Yeah, but I just totally went off the rails and you had to – ”
Jared leans right in to kiss Jensen. It’s not long or particularly amazing, just a press of one cold, wet mouth to another, but it shuts Jensen up, so it does the job.
“You,” Jensen says before trailing off with a few more, “You … you …”
“Don’t care that you’re like this. You being like this means you ran after Val the second she was loose. I didn’t even see her, didn’t notice what was happening around us. I was too offended you stopped me before I could kiss you.”
“And then you just did,” he points out, blinking up at him.
Jared nods, turning his face down to look at Val, still all cold and curled up in his arms. “Yeah, I did. Mostly to stop you from continuing off the rails. But I promise I can do a lot better.”
Slowly, Jensen starts to smile. When Jared smiles in return, all soft with pink cheeks, Jensen has to distract himself with something else; it’s all too much to see when his emotions are already running all over, up, down, and left and right. He’s still scared as hell for Val, but then exhilarated that she’s here with him now, not to mention whatever fuss of feelings he’s got over Jared, growing brighter by the minute.
“Okay,” Jensen says on a quiet hush because he doesn’t want to push too much right now. Besides, they’re still in the lobby with his soaking wet cat, not to mention themselves dripping all over. “We should get her upstairs and dry her off. Maybe you, too,” he adds with a tiny smirk.
“I like where you’re going with that,” Jared replies with a wink before motioning for Jensen to move ahead to the elevator.
Back in the apartment, they dry off, then end up on the couch while Jensen admires how Jared is so careful with her, softly running the plush towel over her hair. She’s still shaking, though remains otherwise content in Jared’s lap. She isn’t trying to jump down and go hide somewhere else. Which makes Jensen wonder …
“Why would she run off? Just suddenly leave?”
Jared shakes his head as he keeps rubbing the towel against her in soothing strokes like he would pet her any other time he’s seen her. “I don’t know. I always thought she was pretty stuck on you all the time?”
“Yeah. I haven’t seen her run off in … “ Well, ever, he realizes. “Ever since I first met her outside, she’s just always been at my side. Even here at home. I mean, she’s been a little more sedentary the last few weeks with the pregnancy, but still getting up into bed or on the couch when I’m there.”
“Maybe she’s going stir crazy. She hasn’t been outside in a while?”
“Yeah for a week or two, I guess.” Jensen feels a little better to have some sort of explanation. Of course, he wishes Jared had the answer, being a professional and all, though he supposes there was a whole other matter of discourse when it comes to animal psychology. “But she didn’t even go far,” he points out. “She got outside then just sat there.”
“You said she’s scared of the rain?”
“I mean, she plays with the sinks and stuff, so water’s not an issue. But the few times she’s been outside with bad rain and thunder and all that, she just freezes up.” He shakes his head. “I can’t believe I didn’t even think to look down there. That’s exactly where she was the first time I ever brought her up here. Just all sunk into herself and scared of me to come near her.” Jensen reaches out to rub his thumb between her eyes, dipping gently down to her nose and back, just like he knows she loves when she’s warm and sleepy. “But you found her and I don’t even know how to thank you.”
Jared looks at him and silent moments pass as they share eye contact, listening to the soft, gentle purr of Val between them. The corner of his mouth quirks up and Jensen expects something about that disrupted kiss … or maybe even something more than that given the way Jared’s eyeing him now. “How about a beer?”
“That’s all?” Jensen asks, disappointment sinking into his words. “You just want a beer?”
“To start,” Jensen suggests. “I think I need something to calm me down after her escape.”
Once the cat is on her way to dry, Jared stands and pulls at the jeans fully molded to his thighs with how wet they are. Jensen sucks in a breath and squeezes at the cans in his hands, which he had forgotten he’d already opened and now they splash beer over his knuckles and onto the floor.
“You okay there?” Jared asks and it doesn’t take long at all for him to notice how Jensen’s looking at him.
Surely, Jared can see the blush heating up Jensen’s cheeks and he steps forward to take the beers from him. He puts them down on the coffee table then brings Jensen in so they’re pressed chest to chest, heating up with body heat despite how their clothes are still cold and damp.
The kiss is warm and deep, ramping up quickly when Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s waist and pulls him in close. Jensen finds himself leaning up on his toes to match Jared’s angle and it’s good, far better than the kiss downstairs in the lobby.
It’s been so long since Jensen’s kissed anyone, not to mention like this. His nerves are flaring and making him want to pull away, but there’s comfort in letting Jared lead, allowing himself to fall right into it. In a way, it’s really nice to just take the time and enjoy the feel of Jared’s mouth on his, their tongues dancing together, hands roaming and touching and warming each other up.
Suddenly, Jensen thinks about how he’s freezing from the waist down with his jeans, socks, and shoes still all soaked. Before he realizes, he’s pulled away from the kiss to tug at the side of his jeans where they’re particularly stuck to his skin.
Jared chuckles and asks if he’s interested in taking care of the rest of their wet clothes and Jensen surely knows what that means, so he leads Jared to the bedroom. Jensen tries to convince himself his shivering is from the cold and not at all because Jared fondly watches as each piece of Jensen’s clothing comes off, or how Jared’s hands are slow to touch Jensen’s arms and chest as he undresses.
Jensen, on the other hand, is completely frozen when Jared pulls his own clothes off, revealing so much tan skin that Jensen is overwhelmed by the beauty of the body before him. He even murmurs a reverent oh my god when Jared is down to just boxer briefs, and Jared grins at him with a cheeky, “You, too.”
Jared walks them closer to the bed and leans with Jensen down to the mattress, crawling over Jensen and covering him with his whole body.
“Is this okay?” Jared suddenly asks, sounding small and unsure, worried.
Again, Jensen loves that he’s asked, appreciates that while Jared is the one leading them here, Jensen still retains his own power to say no or ask for more. He doesn’t feel the need to right now, so he just nods and lets Jared continue with his hand roaming down Jensen’s side, pulling at his hip as Jared settles between Jensen’s legs and begins a slow rock of their hips together.
Jensen slips his hands into Jared’s hair, wet tendrils twisting around his fingers as they keep going. There’s so much kissing and touching, Jensen can’t focus on any one thing, completely overloaded in seconds and just letting it all wash over him.
As Jared grinds harder, Jensen moans and kicks his head back to the mattress, which gives Jared the chance to drag his mouth down to Jensen’s neck and leave sucking kisses down to his shoulders. Jensen tucks his leg around Jared’s hip to bring them closer together and he knows he won’t last long. He just holds on as Jared rocks them down into the bed, wetly panting against Jensen’s shoulder and sliding his hand between Jensen and the covers so he can grab his ass and pull him in even tighter.
Jensen’s mind wanders to all the things he wishes he could do if he had the nerve to just do it or even to ask, like turn them over and grind right into Jared’s lap, or reach between them and grab Jared’s dick to jack him off, or even ask Jared to fuck him. Those fingers would reach deep, stretching and playing to get Jensen wide open until Jared could push right inside … and that’s what does it. Just imagining what else could happen between them gets Jensen to the edge and he lets out a long, loud moan as he comes.
Jared pulls back with a wide, happy grin, holding himself up with one hand in the mattress by Jensen’s head. He drags his underwear down enough to pull his dick out to fist himself. There’s finally a sliver of courage and Jensen wraps his hand around Jared’s to match his rhythm until Jared removes his hand and lets Jensen take him home with a tight, quick fist and their eyes locked into one another. When Jared comes, his eyes are clenched tight and his lower lip trapped between his teeth, and Jensen wants to reserve that image to memory, for the rest of his life, because Jared’s flushed face and dimples are a sight to behold. One Jensen never imagined he’d get the chance to witness.
When Jared’s back to himself, he rolls to the side and struggles to catch his breath, panting loud with his chest heaving. Jensen steals a few glances and wonders what all is going through Jared’s mind. Wonders what comes next, because Jensen fears the expectations after this, is terrified his hopes won’t match up with Jared’s.
He thinks it sure would be nice if he wasn’t always so buried in his own thoughts. If only he could force his way out of his comfort zone of complete silence to avoid negative responses.
The thing is, ever since meeting Jared, he has been pushing his way out of what he’s always done. Even if it took a while to get here, he recognizes that he’s been slowly moving the needle all this time and if he thinks about it as incremental steps, then it’s not all too scary.
With that in mind, he holds his breath for a moment then hazards to ask, “Everything good?”
Jared licks his lips with a low chuckle. “Yeah, everything is real good.”
Jensen feels warmth bloom all over, happy and a bit proud of what happened between them, that he made Jared feel good.
“Maybe a little thirsty,” Jared adds. When Jensen moves off the bed to get a glass of water, Jared laughs and yanks at his wrist, pulling him right back to bed. “It’s fine. You don’t have to get it right now.”
“I was just …” Jensen sighs, willing himself to not overthink and just speak. “Being a good host and all that.”
“You don’t have to.” After a moment, Jared does remind him, “Then again, we never had that beer …”
“That’s all I need to hear,” Jensen says and this time, Jared laughs and lets him leave.
So Jensen goes to the living room to get the two cans, though by now they’re room temperature. He’s about to turn to the kitchen for two fresh beers when he sees Val in her regular place on the couch, curled around her pile of kittens.
She’s sleeping peacefully and seems mostly dry, and if Jensen doesn’t think too much on it, it appears like there’s nothing out of the ordinary tonight. But he knows that’s not true. So much has happened … she ran off in a spike of independence and needing to see the outside world after being cooped up here for the last two weeks ... and then Jared and Jensen got over whatever miscommunication they’ve been threading through all this time and they’ve found their way to this very moment where Jensen is going to return to bed where an exceptionally naked Jared awaits him under some very warm and very hairy covers.
If anyone can understand an abundance of cat hair, thankfully it should be the vet.
Val’s head is tucked down by the kitten with the most orange and Jensen thinks he should probably name them if they’re gonna be sticking around for some time. Even if he decides to adopt them out and some other family will give them new names, he’d like for this time count together and make memories between them all. He knows he’ll want to take hundreds more photos of them all. Maybe he’ll even start an Instagram for them. According to his many Google searches, they’re all the rage now.
Jensen finally gets the beers and heads back to bed, initially surprised Jared has the TV on and remote in his hand, but Jared looks adorably guilty like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar that Jensen just laughs at him and passes a can. They settle in for some TV and at one point, Jared looks at him with a twist of his mouth and asks if it’s okay that he’s still here. If this is impeding on Jensen’s life or something, because, otherwise, “And no hard feelings,” Jared insists, “I can leave.”
“No, you’re not impeding on anything.” After a moment, he adds, “And thank you for asking.”
Jared smiles at him, like he’s proud of Jensen for saying so. “Of course.”
They don’t last much longer, after all the melee and worry over Val and then the excitement of what happened in this bed. Jensen is not offended in the least when Jared falls asleep next to him. He just picks up the nearly finished beer in Jared’s hand and puts it on the nightstand next to his, then slides lower under the covers to get a good night of warm sleep right beside Jared.
Kitties good? Jared texts the next afternoon. Happy to have their mama back?
They seem good. Her too. Even after all the drama.
If she starts with watery eyes, runny nose, or sneezing, I can come check her out
I’ll bring her in if that happens
The text dots bounce around then disappear, only to bounce again and stop once more.
Jensen still worries when Jared types out replies then doesn’t send them. He wonders too far down the line of what those words were and worse, why Jared determined it was best not to send them.
So, he takes some time to think through his next message and once he’s got it all aligned in his mind, and gets over the minor freak out if it’s the right thing to say, he quickly taps out: From now on, doctor things only at the clinic. You come here because you want to.
There’s another dance of dots before Jared’s reply comes in. It’s a deal.
The dots reappear, dancing all around a few different times and Jensen grows impatient with whatever message is brewing on the other side.
Then finally: Do you like Chinese? I can grab some on my way. A few more dots and Jared adds… if you’re free?
Mongolian beef and crab rangoon Jensen replies, adding a smiley emoji then thanks and finally a kissing emoji. He hopes the last part isn’t all too much, but then Jared replies with an emoji that looks like it’s thinking dirty thoughts and Jensen is pretty sure his texting skills are pretty alright.
Part 5
