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dugindeep
They didn’t really state the exact day and time, but Jared, once again, waited for Jensen after gym on Friday. They chatted through the parking lot, and Jared smiled when Jensen headed to the small opening he’d found for Jared and used it himself. He even held it up for Jared to snake through.
Jared asked, “So what kind of things do you like to do? When hanging out, that is?”
Jensen’s lips quirked and he shrugged. “Not much to do in San Antone.”
“What kinds of things did you do in Richardson?”
His mouth twitched again but he turned away and walked off towards the nearby general store. He pointed at the door, “You mind waiting a second?”
“I’ll come in,” he said with confusion as Jensen seemed stiff at the whole thing. Inside the store, Jared trailed behind. “So what was it is like back home? What did you do on the weekends?”
“This and that.”
Jared chuckled. “What’s this? And what’s that?”
Jensen finally walked to the counter, empty-handed. He reached into his messenger bag and asked the clerk for a pack of Marlboro Reds.
Jared stared between Jensen and the clerk, amazed Jensen had asked and moreso that he wasn’t carded. He wisely kept his mouth shut until they got outside. “Wow,” Jared said on a chuckle.
“What?” he asked as he smacked the pack into his hand. Jared shook his head when Jensen opened it, grabbed a cigarette, and lit up while walking through the parking lot. He kicked a stray bottle, sending it clear across the asphalt. When they neared it, Jared kicked it forward, and then Jensen, and they fell into the game without much more to say.
But suddenly, Jensen was cursing and tossing the cigarette away and snatching gum from his bag then righting his shirt. “What? What’s – ” Jared stopped when he saw a car slowing with the window rolling down.
“Jensen,” the woman said nice enough, but it was obvious she was annoyed. “Thought you were going straight home today? Mac’s there alone?”
He rolled his eyes at Jared then turned to who was obviously his mom. “Yeah, I’m on my way now. Got stuck behind for a 4H meeting.”
Jared’s eyebrows went down but the mom’s went up and she smiled. “Oh, good! I told you it’d be fun!”
Jensen nodded with a smile, one that was so obviously fake that Jared chuckled to himself. “Yeah, Mom. It’s great. Meet Jared, he’s the President!” he gushed as he nudged Jared forward.
She waved with a bright smile. “Hi, Jared! I’m glad Jensen’s finally making friends.”
Jared fought the lie Jensen was forcing on him, and instead smiled, “Yeah, me, too,” and then laughed when Jensen elbowed him.
Another smile and she nodded. “Okay, well, Jensen, you better get home before your sister freaks out. Jared, nice to meet you!”
He waved, “You, too, ma’am.”
Jensen waved, too, but the hand dropped with a sigh once the car was out of sight.
“Well, that was interesting,” Jared said with a tight laugh. “4H?”
“Yeah,” he nodded back and kept walking.
“You lied to her.”
“She’s overjoyed. You have no idea.”
Jared’s eyes were intent on Jensen as they walked together.
Jensen rolled his eyes. “What?”
He shrugged with a crooked smile. “I don’t know. Just. Not what I thought. I mean, church-going kid, and now you’re smoking and lying to your mom about 4H. Don’t you feel even a bit guilty?”
“I’m sorry I don’t like 4H?”
Jared laughed.
When they separated a few blocks down, Jared waited until Jensen was out of sight before he went on his way with a shake of his head.
*
Jared ran into Jensen at the general store on Saturday. They talked for a few minutes as they roamed the aisles, and Jared was hardly paying attention, just going on about having to go his grandma’s house for a birthday party of a cousin he didn’t remember meeting when he was three.
“What’re you doing tomorrow?”
“Church. Of course,” he tacked on with a frown. “Think my dad wants me to usher.” He reached for something on a shelf and Jared stared as Jensen tucked a soda into his bag.
Jared shook his head and laughed at the absurdity of the whole thing.
*
Nothing that ever happened on their walks home fit with Jensen at school. The next week, during their personal statement speeches, Jensen was back to awkward and quiet. He barely looked up from his note cards while mumbling through a discourse on the drama club he was in at his old school.
“Didn’t know you acted,” Jared said the second Jensen was back in his seat.
Jensen’s eyes remained low as he tucked himself into the desk, and it was startling. It was the Jensen he saw in the very beginning. Not the chain-smoking, thieving, lying guy he hung out with Fridays after school.
After gym, Jared lingered for a few minutes, knowing he didn’t have much time before he had to get home to watch Megan.
When Jensen pushed through the door, Jared smiled and Jensen almost did, too, but then he moved away with a muttered, “Ain’t Friday.”
“What? Can’t walk home together on a Tuesday?”
“Whatever.”
In the parking lot, he bumped Jensen’s shoulder. “How come you never said anything about the drama club?”
“I did.”
“No, you didn’t.”
He chuckled harshly. “I did. For like five minutes yesterday. Were you not paying attention?”
Jared rolled his eyes and pushed through the hole in the fence. “I mean before that.”
“What the hell’s it matter?”
He shrugged and suddenly felt weird, especially with Jensen dropping the word ‘hell,’ but he still followed Jensen to the general store. “I just. I don’t know. You never say much about yourself.”
Jensen stopped at the door and faced Jared with a shrug. “Okay. I go to church every week, volunteer because my dad asks me, was in the drama club, and just for you,” he tacked on with a smug smile. “At my old school, I was on the cheerleading squad.”
Jared’s eyes widened and Jensen laughed bitterly, but Jared was still confused. “You were on cheerleading?”
“I was a cheerleader and in drama.”
He nearly laughed, closing his mouth before the sound could fully form, and then Jensen was rolling his eyes. “No, man, that’s awesome. Overachiever. But awesome.” Jensen turned into the general store and Jared followed behind, smiling the whole time. “I mean, it doesn’t say much for you now.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Jensen muttered then asked for a pack of Marlboros from the clerk.
His eyes went wide with the curse. The second they were outside and Jensen was smacking the pack, Jared smirked. “Kind of underachieving now, wouldn’t you say?”
Jensen’s voice was muffled as he spoke around his cigarette, trying to light it as they walked. “What makes you say that?”
“Well, no drama club, for one. And no cheerleading. But maybe they’ll let you into Home Ec.”
He shook his head, but kept moving forward as he pulled a flask out of his messenger bag and took a healthy sip from it.
Jared stared, stalled even, and then rushed to catch up to Jensen. “What’re you doing?”
One quick sip and then he smoked and released a cloudy breath. “Multi-tasking.”
“What?”
“You said I was underachieving. Look at me. Walking, smoking, and drinking.”
Jared fought to keep up, still stunned with Jensen in this moment, but really kind of mesmerized if he was being honest. Because Jensen was so relaxed in this mode, not restrained or introverted. Just … there, and comfortable in himself. Jared envied it for a moment, until Jensen looked at him and pushed the flask out.
“You want some?”
“No,” Jared bristled, tucking his hands into his pockets.
Jensen chuckled. “Well, look at that. Mr. Padalecki is afraid of trying something new.”
“No I’m not!” Jared argued instantly. But then his mouth twitched and Jensen smirked, and he knew he was done for. “Fine, lemme see.”
He looked around then nodded to a walking path that led through some wooded areas they passed every day. They straddled an overturned tree trunk to face each other and Jensen still smirked at Jared, who was doing anything but. “You okay?”
Jared nodded quickly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Jensen put the flask between them and Jared reached for it, but then he tugged it away for Jared’s attention. “Gotta promise not to tell anyone.”
With some attitude, Jared shot back, “What? I’m gonna go home and tell my mama I drank?”
“Don’t tellanyone it came from me.”
He watched Jensen for a bit, finally nodding and knowing he wouldn’t. Because that moment was Jensen letting Jared in just that much more. He took the flask, took a healthy sip, and when his tongue grabbed hold of the taste, he coughed most of it up his noise.
Jensen laughed instantly, slapping his knee and leaning forward as he took the flask back. Jared wanted to growl back, but Jensen laughing – even when he hardly ever did it – had quickly become one of his favorite things.
Jared rubbed his nose with a frown. “That stings.”
“Supposed to go down, not up, you idiot,” he said with a laugh. When Jared frowned, he playfully frowned back and took a big gulp himself. The hard swallow and quickly watering eyes told Jared that Jensen didn’t much appreciate it either, but at least he could keep it all down. “It’s not easy, but it gets easier.”
“Then why do you bother?”
Jensen’s lips curled slowly, taking the cigarette, inhaling, and releasing a puff. By then, he had a lazy smile on his face and seemed looser than ever. “Because it feels good.”
*
The next day, Jared felt really good. He didn’t drink beyond the one failed gulp, but he did sit with Jensen for another hour and talked while Jensen got warm and friendly with his words. Jared found out that Jensen had an older brother in addition to a younger sister, that his dad never quite guilted him into church work but it was the face of Jesus hanging in the foyer that always scared him into doing it, that he had a few friends back in Richardson that he missed but didn’t talk to anymore, and that if he had his way, he’d run off to Hollywood and act.
When Jensen strolled into class and collapsed in his seat, Jared smiled at him with a bright, “Hey.”
Jensen looked over, watched for a second, and then nodded and turned back to the front of the class.
It wasn’t new, but Jared felt the sting, especially after the breakthrough the day before. He was about to say something about that, but Genevieve leaned up and smacked his shoulder. “Hey, we’re going to Brewster’s tonight. You in?”
“Who’s we?” he asked with a crooked smile.
“Chad and Austin, Sophia, I think Bobby, too.”
Jared thought about it, how that sounded just like every other Friday night when the weather was good. Just hanging out at the drive-in diner. No matter what, there was always fun to be had. He caught Jensen’s eye and threw a hand out for attention. “You wanna come with?”
Jensen looked between them, crinkled his eyebrows, and rolled his eyes, turning back to his notebook.
Genevieve mumbled, “Really?”
Jared shrugged.
*
Brewsters’ used to be fun; Jared knew that. But given that Fridays were the only days he could really waste an afternoon with Jensen, and especially considering they’d started talking more and more – or at least Jensen was, which was the point of the whole thing – being with his friends at Brewsters’ was the last thing he wanted to be doing.
All they did was gossip about whoever drove by, and then made up stories about those who didn’t.
“I heard he’s going into the monastery. That his father promised him over to the Cardinal when he was seven.”
Jared tilted his head to Sophia’s hushed words and then fully turned when Chad called his name. “Jared! Your guy Jensen really gonna be a priest?”
He laughed and shook his head, leaning back on Chad’s car. “Highly unlikely.”
“Why not? He’s always at church, following his mom and dad around and doing everything they say,” Genevieve said.
Jared wanted to tell them what they couldn’t imagine. Jensen smoking, drinking, stealing, swearing, all the things quiet Jensen Ackles would never be assumed to be caught dead at. But he just shrugged. “I dunno. I just don’t think he wants to.”
They kept talking about Jensen, but Jared excused himself from the conversation, and not more than five minutes after that he left.
*
He kicked stones across the path, and while he didn’t expect to find Jensen hanging out by himself, he was more than happy to have done just that, seeing him sitting on that same tree trunk. Jared jumped over it to sit next to Jensen, who flinched and moved away before shaking his head and hiding a smile. “Where’re your pals?”
“At Brewsters’.”
“Why aren’t you there?”
Jared shrugged with his eyes on Jensen’s flask. They shared a look before Jared nodded a little and Jensen smirked as he handed it over. This time, he took a smaller sip, still difficult to manage by taste, but he kept it all in his mouth and into his stomach.
“Congratulations,” Jensen smiled.
He wiped his mouth with a fist before handing the flask back over. “Shut up. Not everyone’s an expert drinker at 16.”
“Too bad,” Jensen smirked then took a sip himself. He looked at Jared for a moment then passed the liquor again. “So, why aren’t you still at Brewsters’?”
Jared took a longer sip this time, letting everything burn down his throat before he covered his cough with a laugh. “Did you know you’re gonna be a priest?”
Jensen laughed as they continued to share the flask. “Of course. That’s why I’m out here defiling you with liquor and cigarettes.”
Everything inside was humming and warm, what with the liquor and laughing with Jensen in such an easy way. A way they hadn’t had yet, but had been moving towards. Jared smiled and looked around Jensen to his side. “You have cigarettes?”
“Of course I do,” he smarted back but held them away from Jared. “Why?”
He shrugged with both his shoulders and his face, which prompted Jensen to do the same in mocking. Jared laughed. “Can I try?”
Jensen watched him, first critically then fondly and shook his head with a laugh. “Your funeral,” he said and handed one over.
*
Jensen called it the beginning of the end. Jared just laughed, but then felt nervous, and finally giddy at the whole thing.
There still wasn’t much talking during class; Jensen kept to himself and only answered the teacher when spoken to. But everywhere else, they talked. During lunch, on the way to and from gym, on the walk home, through the store, in the woods, wherever. And they became so crazily inseparable that Genevieve and Chad just gave them strange looks. Danneel and Austin would smile on occasion as they strode past in gym. And every time, Jensen reverted to the awkward, quiet version of himself.
As Jared pushed the doors open, leading them into the parking lot, Jensen laughed at something particularly ridiculous that Jared suggested. But he came to a halt when Chad caught up, smiling and nodding. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Hey!” Jared said through his laugh and then frowned when he caught Jensen’s tight look.
Chad nodded at them, looking at Jensen strangely. “What’re you up to?”
“Ahh, I think we’re going to – ”
Before Jared got to the woods, Jensen coughed, waved, then said low, “I gotta get home. See ya.”
Jared stared at him turning another way and walking off to the main exit of the parking lot. Nowhere near the corner of the South Lot or the hole in the fence they’d been using every day.
“Huh,” Jared said stupidly, still watching the corner Jensen had taken.
“You hang with him?” Chad asked while pushing at Jared’s shoulder so they could keep walking.
*
It happened again at the end of gym, Jared and Jensen walking together to the locker room when Genevieve came up to Jared’s side. “I think we’re doing Brewsters’ tonight.”
Jensen gave a short smile and nod then walked a few steps faster to move on ahead. Jared frowned and looked at Genevieve.
He wanted to say something, as it also occurred when Danneel stopped by during lunch and crouched next to them to see what they were doing. Jensen had filed his notebook into his bag, rose, and left without a word.
Jared fully intended to complain about it when he and Jensen left school on Friday, but Jensen was instantly chattering on, like all was well, and Jared couldn’t ruin the moment.
When they settled on the tree trunk and Jensen passed the flask even before taking a sip, Jared smiled. He bumped Jensen’s arm as he unscrewed the top and asked, “How’s it that you’re so cool here?”
The corner of his mouth tipped up. “What’re you talking about? I’m cool all the time.”
Jared chuckled while shaking his head and drank. “Nah. I mean, like, in school. You freak out whenever anyone else comes around.”
Jensen’s eyebrow arched and he took the flask without looking at Jared. “Not a fan of the popular crowds.”
“You talk to me.”
He turned and the eyebrow went even higher. “You’re popular?” Jared rolled his eyes and Jensen went on with a smile. “When were you gonna tell me? All this time, just thought you were a pesky little nerd.”
Jared shook his head and watched his feet kick at some grass, but it didn’t stop him from taking the flask again and swallowing a good amount of liquor.
They passed it between them for a bit, pretty quickly, too, because soon enough, Jensen tapped his finger at the bottom and frowned before finishing it off. “If you’re gonna keep drinking all my shit, I’m gonna have to start charging.”
Jared blinked and shook his head with a mumbled laugh, feeling it hit him a little earlier in the afternoon than normal. He leaned back, pushing palms into the trunk and not caring about the pricks of bark in his skin. Because Jensen put the flask aside and leaned back much the same, shoulders brushing, and Jared smiled as he closed his eyes.
*
Week later, same tree trunk, same time on Friday, and when Jensen tapped the flask and frowned for it being empty, Jared smiled and bumped into his shoulder. “Stop crying.”
“For what? You’re drinkin’ all my liquor.”
Jared moved to his bag, pulled out the package he’d been dying to give and pushed it into Jensen’s space. Jensen stared at it and then at Jared, looking back and forth between the two. Which only made Jared question if he really should’ve bought it, but then he put it against Jensen’s chest. “Your x-ray vision can’t be that good. Open it,” he said while nodding at it.
Jensen finally took it, scrambling with the shoddy wrapping job, but all the same, he found the white box and within that a shiny, new flask.
Jared cleared his throat and twisted his fingers around the old flask, nervous about the whole thing like he hadn’t imagined he would be.
It took some time for a reaction, because Jensen just stared at it. But soon enough, he turned it over and thumbed over the engraved JRA, and with a chuckled, he said, “Hey, that’s me!”
Jared finally laughed his relief and nudged Jensen’s shoulder. “Happy birthday.”
The smile grew, and his thumb coasted over the initials again. He shook it and found it full then grinned and tapped it against the flask in Jared’s hand. “Thanks.”
He bumped their shoulders again. “Sure thing.”
Jensen took a long gulp and then a rough swallow before nearly coughing. “Hoo-boy,” he whistled. “The good stuff.”
Jared reached for the new flask and nodded. “Snagged some Dewars from my dad’s cabinet.”
He stared as Jared took a sip and fought the roughness of the liquor. He patted a hand at his own chest. “Why Jared Tristan.”
“Shut up,” he laughed and pushed back on Jensen.
“Purchasing alcoholic containers and stealin’ from Daddy’s liquor chest.”
Jared held the flask against his chest and fought a laugh. “You shut the hell up, or I’m keeping this myself.”
Jensen reached over, daring Jared to move further away, and then reached once more and snagged it back with a laugh. “It’s my damned birthday present.” He drank and then looked down on the flask with a tiny smile.
*
“You going to prom?”
Jared turned, a little surprised. He hadn’t thought much about it lately, consumed by hanging with Jensen and all. He shook his head to Genevieve and turned back to the lunch lady handing out cartons of milk. “Doubt it.”
“You’re really gonna miss prom?”
“What’s there to miss?” he asked with a goofy smile. “I think I’d rather save my money and do something good with it.”
She rolled her eyes and continued through the line with him. “Well, we’re all going together. Danneel and Austin, Sandy and Jim, me – ”
“And Chad?” he laughed.
“No! Not Chad. Ugh,” she returned with another healthy roll of her eyes.
Jared juggled the two milks he’d grabbed and taunted her. “Sure sounds like it.”
“Not if you go.”
He bit his bottom lip, knowing that if it came up last year, hell, last semester, he’d have said yes, more than happy to be part of the group. But right now, it wasn’t high on his list of priorities. Especially when Jensen had finally invited him over to his house for a slasher flick marathon.
“C’mon, Jared. Please. Please save me from him.”
With a laugh, Jared shrugged. “Sorry, sweetheart. Guess you’ll have to find another sad sack to waste a night with.”
She scowled and then glared at him as they each paid and walked through the caf. “I can’t believe you’re not gonna go.”
He shrugged again, not really caring to explain why and not knowing why he had to.
Soon enough, he settled in front of Jensen and slid a carton over. Jensen nodded in thanks and opened it up to drink. Then he motioned to the side. “What’d you do to piss her off?”
Jared turned and caught Genevieve at his table, his old table, complaining about something with both her hands and an ugly look pointed their way. He barked a laugh and turned back to Jensen. “She begged me to go to prom with her.”
“Told you she liked you.”
One shoulder rose, showing how little he cared. “She said I had to save her from Chad.”
Jensen’s eyebrow went up and then he tsked. “Jared, you’ve changed.”
“Shut up.”
“No longer doing your duty to save the damsel in distress. What would your mother and pastor and college advisors think?”
They were both smirking and Jared kicked at Jensen’s knee. “Fuck you.”
Jensen flashed a wry smile. “Language, asshole.”
Jared leaned forward. “What’re you working on?”
He stalled then moved back to pull the notebook out of Jared’s view. “Nothing.”
Jared rolled his eyes and settled back on an elbow. “Guy, it’s always nothing. But you have, like, two dozen notebooks.” Then Jared pushed a finger at Jensen when he tried to defend himself. “And don’t say ‘nothing’ about it. I’ve seen the different covers. I know you’re doin’ different things.”
It was Jensen’s turn to roll his eyes and he shifted back against the wall, drawing his legs up to use his knees as a desk. “It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh, I’m worried,” Jared said playfully. “I mean, you might be writing a highly complicated bombing sequence to go after China.” Jensen, again, rolled his eyes, as he did a lot when Jared got to him, but he was also doing a poor job of hiding a smile. “Or it could be the world’s longest love song.” He leaned in again. “Is that what it is? Dedicated to me? Maybe I should call Guinness.”
“Maybe you should kiss my ass.”
Jared smirked and nodded. “Yeah, it’s nothing.”
*
Jared slammed his locker to find Chad on the other side of it. “Hey, what’s up?” Jared asked as he turned down the hall for Chemistry.
“Got two days to change your mind about prom.”
He smirked. “Thought I’d give you a chance with Gen.”
Chad rolled his eyes. “I think she’d stab me halfway through dinner.”
Jared nodded. “Yeah, that’s likely.”
“You’re really not going?”
He nodded again. “I’m really not going.”
“Dude.”
Jared stopped at Chad’s firm voice then furrowed his eyebrows at the serious look. “What?”
“What’s with you? You never come to Brewsters’, haven’t been to a game in weeks, and now you’re not going to prom? Not to mention not caring?”
He frowned but then shrugged and walked down the hall with Chad beside him. “It’s just a dance. And it’s not like we don’t have one next year.”
“Yeah, but we get to go this year, too. It’s junior-senior prom.”
Another shrug and Jared easily smiled, “I really don’t care.”
“What’s going on with you?”
Jared stopped outside the classroom. “What?”
Chad looked up and down the hallway, and they both saw Jensen strolling past. He had his headphones in, zoned out to whatever was playing, and slipping in and out of the mass of students. Jared wanted to laugh at how drawn in Jensen was, especially knowing how he was outside of school. “I don’t get it. You’re hanging with Mute Ackles all the time.”
His head tipped to the side with a sigh. “Chad, he’s not mute. He’s actually … he’s cool outside of school.”
“How is that even possible? Look at him,” Chad said, pointing at Jensen leaning against the wall, curled into his notebook and scribbling before class.
“I don’t know. He just doesn’t like a lot of people. And now I can see why,” Jared added with complaint.
Chad watched him for a few moments then shook his head. “Dude, harsh.”
“No, look – ” and then Jared stopped because Chad walked into class.
Jared dropped into his seat with a sigh and Chad barely looked his way. They both sulked at their desks, not paying much attention to class. Except, when an office aide came in with a note, and she and Mr. Hampton looked at Jared, they both sat up.
“Jared? You’re needed in the office.”
He frowned and glanced at Chad for a second before grabbing his backpack and rising. He left without another word or look in the classroom, drumming up all the horrible situations to have him summoned. In the hallway, the office assistant was a few steps ahead, and he walked quickly to keep up. “What’s wrong?”
“Your father called about your sister being sick.”
“What?” he nearly shrieked. She kept walking, but he was answered with a firm hand around his elbow yanking him down another hallway.
“Dude!” Jared harped at Jensen. “Something’s up with my dad.”
Jensen smirked and kept pulling on his arm. “Dude, I know.”
Jared pulled back. “This isn’t funny. Why’re you laughing?”
He looked around Jared to make sure no one else was around then pulled him further down the hallway. “You need to calm down. I made the call.”
There were too many things going through his mind. Aside from coming down from the worry about his sister, Jensen was still tugging him down the hallway and leading them through a side door and out to the far end of the parking lot. Jensen got him out of class and now they were … slinking through the fence and ditching. Which was kind of new for Jared, but considering everything else that was new, thanks to Jensen, this didn’t seem to be such a big deal.
“Saw you and Chad Almighty arguing. Lover’s spat?”
Jared snorted and accepted a cigarette from Jensen’s pack. “They’re still pissed about prom.”
Jensen ran a hand over his hair and chuckled. “Man, they’re wound tight.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jared laughed back. “Said I had two days to change my mind.”
“How kind. They’re giving you a deadline.”
*
There was great joy at finally being invited to Jensen’s house, and even greater yet at stepping foot inside and catching all the earthy colors decorating the home not to mention family portraits along the hallways showing Jensen off in all his adolescent glory. But the disappointment came when Jared realized his family wasn’t home.
“You want my parents to be here? They’d likely have us watch Sound of Music and make popcorn garland.”
“I like popcorn,” Jared returned with a smile. “Cheese, caramel, kettle.”
Jensen rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as he led Jared into the basement. “Guess I should cancel the double cheese and pepperoni pizza?”
Jared pushed Jensen further into the basement. “Boy, you’re funny today.”
With a laugh, Jensen picked up two DVD cases. “Michael or Freddy?”
When he looked over the stack of movies, Jared said, “What? No Jason?”
Jensen made a pfft noise as he turned away. “You kiddin’ me?” He shook his head and put a DVD into the player and started up the TV. “We’re going Freddy.”
“Man, you are an awful host,” Jared complained as he sat on the couch.
“What’re you talkin’ about?” Jensen snorted as he plopped down near Jared. “Pie’s on the way, movies on the tube, what more could a girl ask for?”
“Wow, you’re so romantic.”
“I’m sorry,” Jensen playfully frowned. “Are you sad you missed prom? Because I’m sure they’re dancing to ‘My Heart Will Go On’ in ten minutes. You could probably get there in time.”
“Shut up,” Jared said as he smacked Jensen’s leg. Then, “I’m thirsty.”
“Oh, right!” Jensen laughed, jumping up and heading to the far corner of the room. He knelt before a cabinet and opened it with a flourish. “Jared? Meet Alan’s liquor collection.”
Jared was suddenly kneeling next to Jensen with bright eyes and a slow-building smile at the vast collection of wines and hard liquors packed on two shelves. “Wow. There’s … so much.”
He pulled out a bottle of Maker’s Mark and smirked down at it. “Church folk have excellent taste in alcohol.”
Jared laughed and reached for a bottle of Limoncello to read over the label.
“Oh, you would, you pussy.” Jared elbowed him and put the bottle back, but Jensen stopped his hand. “No, go for it. It’s tasty.”
“No, bourbon’s fine.”
Jensen twisted his mouth and put the Maker’s Mark down before grabbing the Limoncello. He opened it, took a long swig, and passed it to Jared with a smile.
*
They hardly watched the movies. Instead, they took bottles to the back porch and smoked while laughing in the dark.
“Hands down, ten times better than prom,” Jared said with a chuckle.
Suddenly, Jensen got quiet and watched Jared trying to blow smoke in circles. His voice came out in a haze from drinking and he moved his face back to the sky. “Liquor helps. Liquor always helps.”
Jared laughed, which then turned into slight giggles as he drank more and slid further down in the lawn chair. “Man, never thought I’d be here.”
“Where?”
His head lolled over to look at Jensen and he smiled. “Just, this whole thing. This semester. Never really expected you to be like this.”
Jensen’s lips curled. “Like what?”
Jared looked at his glass, swirled it, and then raised it in the air. “Fucking cool.”
He laughed and shook his head. “Told you from day one. Didn’t know what you were getting into.”
With an exaggerated nod, Jared chuckled. “Yeah, you did. But now I know.”
Shaking his head, Jensen snorted. “You don’t know.”
“I know plenty.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, of course,” Jared said with a slight squeak in his voice. “Church boy ain’t so churchy.”
Jensen sat up and shook his head while staring into his glass. His voice went quiet. “No. You still don’t really know.”
Jared kicked his ankle. “Then tell me.”
He took a deep breath and sat further up. His glass went to the table and he picked up another cigarette and lit it. Leaning over his legs, forearms on his thighs, he struggled with admitting, “Reason we left Richardson?”
Jared cleared his throat and sat forward, too, because they’d hardly ever been serious, and definitely not that serious. “Yeah?”
“Got in some trouble. Nothing major. Basically doing what we do,” he chuckled with a raised eyebrow. “But people started talking at school. And, you know, it’s not good for the Reverend’s son to be trouble.”
His eyes were wide as he kept watching Jensen talk. No matter how many times he started and stopped, Jared just waited, ignoring his drink and waiting for all the details.
“Popular kids,” Jensen snorted. “All your friends? Those were the ones who started all the talk. And it got all around town before long.”
Jared nodded in sympathy and only drank when Jensen did.
“So, we moved, and now I lay low at school just to get by. Don’t exactly wanna make friends when they ruin your life.”
He swallowed hard and thought about his old friends and all those nights at Brewsters’, talking about anyone they didn’t really know, and then he pictured the exact same thing happening to Jensen. Which seemed impossible given how cool and easy Jensen was, how much he liked Jensen, and how much they hung out and laughed together. They were friends and Jared couldn’t imagine doing wrong by him. “They aren’t all bad.”
Jensen looked over with a high eyebrow.
“Friends, that is. I mean, we’re cool, right?”
He snorted and slapped a hand at Jared’s knee. “Yeah, we’re cool.”
Jared nodded with a smile and slapped his hand at Jensen’s shoulder. They moved back to sit comfortably, and Jared shook his head from the moment and then smiled. “Man, it’s gonna be one hell of a summer.”
Jensen stared. “Jared. I’m … I graduate next week.”
He flinched and turned with wide eyes but then remembered that despite having a class together and being the same age, Jensen was a year ahead and bound for college. “You going away?”
Jensen nodded and then swallowed. “And for summer, too. Going to my aunt’s in California.”
Jared felt like he couldn’t breathe, and he wasn’t even sure why. Yeah, in just four months, he and Jensen had practically become best friends, but there was no reason to get emotional over the whole thing. “So, like, right after graduation, you’re on the road? For four years?”
He winced and took a long sip. “I’ll be back before I go for good.”
*
It really did feel like for good. The summer barely crawled by while Jensen was in California and Jared pathetically fell back in with Chad and Genevieve and everyone else at Brewsters’. He was uncharacteristically quiet, twitched for cigarettes on occasion, and never said much about it.
Even when he got the repeated, “You okay?” from everyone.
He just shook his head and put on a fake smile. “I’m fine.”
*
Jared practically ran the whole way to the house, feet pounding the sidewalk and finally the front steps just before he rang the bell.
The door swung open but Jensen was already pushing through it, tossing “I’ll be back later, Ma!” over his shoulder. He shoved Jared forward with a laugh as they jogged down the steps and all the way to the woods.
*
“Dude, you’re like brown,” Jared smirked, reaching forward to pinch at Jensen’s cheek.
“Cut it out, ass,” he whined as he scooted away with his hand still in his messenger bag.
“You look so golden! I bet you laid out on a towel every freaking day.”
Jensen smirked and nodded. “You jealous?”
“Hell yeah. All I did was run errands, watch Megan, and sit at the drive-in.”
An eyebrow went high at the last bit and he shook his head. “What’s the good news from that shithole?”
Jared laughed. “Nothing new. Though Genevieve says you’ve been off in India to be the male Mother Theresa.”
Jensen barked out a laugh, head tipping back with a bright smile. “Right.”
He nudged Jensen’s arm. “That tan ain’t gonna help that story.”
Shaking his head, Jensen laughed. “Not like I care. I’m getting’ out.”
Jared nudged him again. “You’re gonna come back to visit, right? Not ditching out on me.”
His mouth tipped up before he gave a lazy smile. “Man, come on. Don’t guilt me now.” When Jared didn’t say more, Jensen pulled a plastic bag from his messenger bag and fully smiled. “My cousin’s got some good connections.”
Jared’s eyebrow flicked up and he hesitantly reached for the bag. “Is that?”
“Sunshine grass. Yes, sir.”
It took a few moments of thinking but then Jared was laughing, nodding, and turning towards Jensen to watch him roll a joint.
*
Their last night, they met at the woods and drank and smoked and laughed over so many different things. At no time after that night could Jared remember all of what they talked about, but he did remember feeling light, warm, and happy right there.
He was so light and happy that he shook his head when Jensen told him another story from back in Richardson. A particularly lame, but well-told scene of Jensen in glee club his freshman year. “Man, every day, learn something new,” Jared chuckled.
Jensen smirked and took a long sip from his flask. “Told you, man. Don’t know everything.”
Jared turned and slung his leg over the trunk to straddle it and face Jensen. “So tell me everything.”
He looked at Jared and snorted. “What? Like you’re an investigative reporter?”
“What? Like you don’t trust me?” he responded with a tinge of hurt in his voice.
“No, that’s not it – ”
“Then what?” he asked with a shrug. “We’re friends, and I’ve never done anything wrong, but you still hold things back. I tell you everything.”
Jensen shook his head with a laugh. “Yeah, ‘cause you’re transparent and never shut up.”
“No, come on. What’s the problem?” Jensen shifted towards him and searched his face before Jared went on. “You’re leaving tomorrow and you’re not exactly a fan of coming back, so just, tell me … whatever.”
His mouth twisted and he took another drink. “Jared, you don’t wanna know.”
Jared scooted closer and knocked his shoulder. “Yeah, I do.”
He swallowed hard and it probably shouldn’t have been so fast, but suddenly Jensen was right there and kissing Jared. Just a light sucking of lips but it was happening.
Jared was frozen in place and his brain and lungs stopped long enough to hurt. Jensen moved back with a grunt and he took a long swig from the flask without looking at Jared.
“I, uh,” Jared whispered.
Jensen smirked but it looked strange, almost angry. “You didn’t know that.”
He shook his head, still unsure what to think about the whole thing. He’d spent as much free time with Jensen as possible, and this, while different, didn’t seem as bad as Jensen was possibly taking it. If anything, Jared was pissed they’d gone that long without it coming out. “Why did you … why now?”
Jensen pushed the flask into the air with a bitter chuckle. “Last hurrah and all that.” He took another drink, more than the one before, and then wiped his hand across his mouth.
“I had no idea.”
“Yeah, didn’t exactly want to broadcast that I’m a fag.”
Jared leaned back, stunned by the heat in Jensen’s words, but he remained calm, words spilling out from nerves and alcohol. “I had no idea. That you … me. I didn’t know. You could’ve told me.”
Jensen shifted on the trunk and crossed his ankles. “Right, that would’ve gone easy.”
“Why didn’t you trust me with that?”
He looked at Jared for a long time, neither talking nor straying from the connection. Until finally, his voice broke and was quiet and breathy. “That’s what they all talked about back home. Reverend’s son was gay. Who wants him in church? I was an abomination.”
Jared frowned at the whole matter, even more at himself for not knowing what to say about it.
*
They still talked, awkwardly, but they talked. And Jared kept drinking, long enough that a haze hung over him, and he shifted forward and moved in close. And when Jensen’s lips parted to ask what was wrong, Jared kissed him, bringing them back to the center of the whole issue. That Jensen liked Jared. And Jared realized he liked Jensen.
As Jared’s mouth opened, Jensen’s hand went to his hair, fingers sliding through and holding him at the right angle to slip his tongue in. Their breathing got loud and the kiss fast and intense, and then Jensen smacked off, his forehead pressed into Jared’s. “What’re you’re doing?”
Jared rolled his head against Jensen, going temple to temple. “Does it matter? You leave tomorrow.”
Jensen nearly whimpered but he moved right back in.
*
Jared rose early, intending to say goodbye to Jensen. Wanted see him off, see him one last time.
Instead, he found a box on his front step. White, unwrapped, and wholly recognizable as the one he used for Jensen’s flask. He plucked the hand written note off the top and smiled. But the expression slowly turned to a frown as he read:
Go on and be cool – not popular, but cool. Be the guy you were with me, because he was a good one.
Inside was the flask, the original one, scratched and rusty on the bottom.
Jared took a long breath before going back inside.
.next.
