Wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaah

I'm gonna be a total party-pooper, but seeing all the Wincest posts the last week or so is making me sad. Where's all the J2? Where in the world did EVERYONE go? It's like 98% of the people I used to read have jumped ship or something LOL.

Work has slowed down a wee bit, but that also means I have more time to think and that is not good. The last few nights I've stayed up an extra hour while staring at the ceiling, worrying over what I have to do for work. When I was working crazy OT, it wasn't that bad, because I was getting everything done in the OT hours. Now, I'm forcing myself to not work OT and I'm worried I won't get everything done in time /0\

Last night on the train ride home (after dinner and drinks with my favorite coworker - who is also leaving in a month for her husband to take a job at Stanford [so I can't really blame her much]), I got a wee bit maudlin. I got stupidly sad over how much I used to love writing and halfway feel like I don't care anymore; I know it's a side effect of all the work hours. And then feeling sorry for myself in my general life status and trying to think about how to make work better ... and then I just got a huge headache and wanted to go to sleep. But that didn't happen either.

I just keep thinking about how much I miss how active fandom was a year or so ago. And also how much I enjoyed writing (and had the time for it). Whenever I think about my stories, it feels like a task, not a hobby, and I don't know how to get out of that mindset. Especially when I have four fic deadlines in the next six weeks /0\