31 days: THIRTY-ONE AND DONE!

[dugindeep]

I've been trying to think about a really nice reply to this but nothing really is coming together. I started an LJ account back when I was 20 and into BSB ... we posted our stories on our own web sites but someone in the fandom got an LJ token/credit/whatever they were called back then from a family member and offered up an extra credit when she got an invite. I took it and had fun chronicling my day. Obviously this LJ is different with the connections to SPN fandom and fic ... but in a way, I still enjoy having this constantly live, open means of communication to just talk. Whether it's to myself or others, I like having the outlet to just let things out.

Relatedly, sorta I guess, last night the parents and I went to see Springsteen and I. I had heard it was really great, but I honestly had no clue what it was about. I just assumed it was a doc about Springsteen's life. I was totally, totally wrong. It's essentially a love letter from the fans with personal home videos where various members of the fangroup talk about what Bruce means to them, and many relive moments they shared with him at concerts/on stage. There is a particularly hilarious story about a "Philly Elvis" that had the theater roaring. There are some very lovely parts, spots where you laugh out loud, and a few that almost felt uncomfortable to experience the strength of these fans' dedication. A young female truck driver said that Bruce's lyrics tell her that her job matters, as if he's speaking to her when she's hauling her truck cross country, that she's part of the American fabric because blue collars are what keep the world moving ... and that makes her feel exceptionally worthy and accomplished despite having a BS and MS and only driving a truck.

In the end, I got kind of emotional, even teared up some, because they all spoke of Springsteen as if they were a best friend or a life-altering event or even that one constant they have in their lives. One woman has only Bruce CDs in her car (with the addition of one Patiy Scialfa [his wife]) and makes her kids only listen to that as she carts them around to all their activities; she gets great joy when they all sing along to their favorites.

I left the theater feeling kind of bummy, like ... what is my passion? What has ever fired me up that much? What has ever felt like a port in the storm that I could go to when everything was horrible? Who did I go to for all the excitement and happiness that life has to offer? And I basically came up empty.

I remember becoming very excitable when telling a friend about watching The Foo Fighters live. My dad and I danced in the rain to "Born to Run" when Dad and I saw Bruce at Wrigley Field. I teared up while listening to Paul McCartney sing "Blackbird." There are movies that just move me and make me want to dive into the the industry and just float away. And yet, day in and day out, I feel like I live a dull life and just go to sleep, wake up, work, go home, and constantly feel meh about my life in general. I wish I had (or could find) that one great passion that I can always return to to feel stable and remind myself that life is great and someone understands.