J2 | Let's Talk About Sext

[dugindeep]

Title: Let's Talk About Sext
Pairing: J2
Words: 1100
Summary: Let's talk about all the good emojis and the bad emojis that may be

Notes: Written for the bestest cuch ever cherie_morte in honor of your 30th birthday!! Love you to the spoon and back ... see what I did there??? Remember the other day we joked over the new emojis? So here's Jared abusing as many as possible and Jensen being thoroughly confused.

This is written entirely in text form and features lovely art from the bestest Chicago gal I know - cassiopeia7 <333 Go visit her art post HERE

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Jared

I you a ?

Jensen

You what??

Jared

I you a ?

Get it? LOLOLOLOL

Jensen

No. I don’t get it

Jared



= moustache!

I moustache you a ?

Jensen

Okay. Moustache me a question.

Jared

No that’s now how it works

How do you not know how this works????

It’s good you're so cute

26 minutes pass.

Jared does not count.

But.

He does panic.

Jared

Am I -ing you

Jensen

Flying me?

Jared

Oh fat thumbs

I mean

Jensen

Bug?

Jared

Yeah lol

Am I -ing you?

Or you working again?

Jensen

No I’m done for the night. Mom called…trouble with her iPad so it took some time.

What’s up? What’s the bug for?

Jared

Wondering if you’re into

Jensen

Am I…Is that a threesome?

Jared

No!!!!

It’s an elevator

Jensen

Wait…why would I be into elevators?

I think I’d rather it was a threesome.

Jared

You beautiful idiot

Jensen

Why am *I* the idiot? You’re the one asking about elevators.

Jared

At least I said you’re beautiful?

Jensen

Whatever…what’s up with the elevator?

Jared

You ok with elevators or are you claustrophobic? Or afraid of heights or not into tall buildings or just not at all entertained by seeing big cities from way up high???

Not super important anyway

You can ignore me

*fart noises*

Jensen

Yeah I guess so? What were you thinking?

Jared

Sears Tower for Saturday or is that lame?

It’s laaaaaame

Jensen

Not lame…haven’t been in ages. Sounds cool.

Jared

And dinner after …… my treat.

I know a good place

Jensen

Hey if you’re treating…not going to complain.

Jared

It’ll be

Jensen

Is that…a fist?

Jared

Lololololol you think I wanna fist you at the restaurant???

Jensen

What else am I supposed to think with that symbol??

Jared

Jensen

Shut up.

Jared

I mean I really would love to do that but ………

We’d probably get kicked out!!!!!

Maybe we should try anyway

Jensen

Siiiiiiigh.

What did that emoji mean anyway??

Jared

LOL it’s a chef’s kiss …. Like:

Jensen

Alright. If you insist.

Jared

I totally insist.

Tho I know you like to eat healthy so maybe we’ll get you some beforehand

Jensen

You’re gonna get me blue balls beforehand??

Jared

No! I meant fruit! Like a snack!



You really thirsty lately eh?

Jensen

WTFFFFF

Jared

What?

Jensen

WTF are these emojis now????? Beaver and wood?? And you say I’m thirsty????

Jared

Like damn

Jensen

IT STILL DOESN’T MAKE SENSE

Jared

Gosh do I have to explain everything to you?

Jensen

It’s amazing you’re a teacher…that you mold the future of our world.

Jared

= BEAVER

= DAM

Like a beaver and his dam

So dammmmmmmmmmmn

Jensen

Now I think YOU’RE the beautiful idiot here.

Jared



You think I’m beautiful

Jensen

Yeah yeah yeah…Where are you getting all these emojis anyway?

Jared

It’s in the new iOS.

Or you too to update?

Jensen

Am I too Santa???

Jared

It’s like a grandpa.

You====grandpa

Jensen

Jared

Jared

That’s my name

Don’t wear it out

Jensen

It’s a man.

With glasses.

And a Santa hat.

IT’S SANTA

Jared

Jensen

Oh boy. Here we go.

Jared

was the closest thing to old.

Jensen

What about

Jared

I’m trying to expand my horizons????

And you think you can beat my emoji game????

But also holy ! You just used an emoji!

Jensen

Holy rock?

Jared

No not a rock.

It’s shit.

Jensen

That is not shit.

Jared

It kinda looks like shit.

Jensen

If your shit is that color then you’ve got problems.

Jared

Shut up you know what I meant.

Jensen

You should see a doctor.

Jared

Shut up

Jensen

Medical help is critical here.

Jared

Shuuuuuuuuuuuut

Jensen

If you won’t help yourself...I’ll have to come over there myself and take care of the problem.

Jared

Uuuuuuuupppppppppp

Jensen

But not literally. Because shit is just too damn personal for anyone.

Jared

to you

Jensen

Accordion to anyone ;)

Jared

You finally figured one out all on your own!

Jensen

Jared

OH GOSH

YOU USED YODA



you

9 minutes and 37 seconds pass.

Jared definitely counts.

And he definitely panics.

Again.

 

Jensen

Olive me?

Jared

… yeah?

Is that okay?

It’s not okay is it?

I said it too soon

Okay I’m gonna go drown myself in the tub

Jensen

OH!!!!!!!!!

Jared

And then maybe drop a toaster in with me

Jensen

No no no no I get it now.

I had to say it out loud.

Jared

No it’s fine

Forget it

Jensen

It’s totally okay…Just maybe not easy to say in texts??

Jared

Yeah totally. Makes sense. Forget that emoji forever.

Jensen

Well…I guess…

Jared

Just pretend I’m not here anymore

I’m a . You can’t see me.

I was never here.

Jensen

I can’t see you anyway because you’re not here. But you could come over…say it in person…

5 minutes pass.

Jared pumps his fists and dances around his living room.

Then takes a very deep breath and is super totally cool about everything.

Jared

Maybe we can

Jensen

You want to…film it?

Jared

Noooooooo ……

I meant a movie

We could watch a movie

If it’s not too late?

Jensen

Oh. Yeah. Of course we can. Not too late.

Jared

And maybe after the we can

Jensen

Yeah we can hug

Jared

Ohhhhh you got the new emojis lololol

It's not a hug. It's sexy stuff.

Jensen

Jared

I’m not even that annoyed you’re mocking me.

Jensen

Yeah right.

Just be glad I finally updated emojis for you.

Jared

Totally solid life choices you’re making here.

Jensen

I thought so.

Jared

I approve.

Jensen
Good to know.

Anyway...so and some ...

Jared

And maybe after the and then ... we can

Jensen

Jared

What is that?

Jensen

It’s my seal of approval! DUH!

Jared

God

you.

Jensen

Jared

That’s a pretty graphic heart right there.

Jensen

Too much?

Jared

No it’s

Jensen

Thought I’d finally take the

Jared

You thought you’d take the plunger? Should I check my bathroom …

Jensen

Well … the plunge(r) okay???

Jared

Jensen

You’re bringing fondue?

Jared

No I meant that you’re so cheesy.

Sometimes

When you let yourself be

Jensen

The longer we text the longer we wait for ...

Jared

right

I’m getting ready as I type

Can’t wait to

Jensen

Don’t forget to bring

Jared

Don’t forget my hats?

Jensen

GOD

Jared

You rang?

Jensen

PROTECTION.

Those are for your

Jared

Ahhhhhhh

Hahhhhhhhhh

Yeah

Gotcha

Jensen

But again…the more we text about it, the less we’re doing it

...

Jared

Alrighty heading to the . Gonna get some (yes that many) and I’m gonna your and my in your

……too much?

Jensen

Like to my ears

Jared

A wand to your ears?

Jensen



MAGIC. IT’S MAGIC TO MY EARS.

Jared

Is that a thing???

Isn’t the saying “music to my ears”???

Jensen

God you’re a

Jared

I’m a pie????

Jensen

I thought it was a pita...it looks like a pita!

Jared

So I’m a pita????

Jensen



Yeah a Pain In The Ass = P I T A

Jared

I’m definitely gonna make your ass feel pain

Jensen

Jared

U want blueberries too?

Jensen



No but I’ll have blue balls if you don’t get here soon.

Jared





Jensen

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