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dugindeepMaster Post
Part 2
Jensen doesn’t believe in karma or kismet or any other power of drawing two objects together to fit the grand scheme of this world.
But he has to admit there’s something at play when he’s near the end of his day and gets a last-minute delivery.
“I think it’s on your way home,” one of the dispatchers says back at the office. The young woman texts him the pick-up location and a contact name, neither of which mean anything to him.
What does make an impact is when he appears at the print shop and is handed a padded envelope packed with what he assumes are folded pamphlets, given the shape and heft of the package. The items aren’t a bother; the name on the label is.
Padalecki Animal Clinic flies through his brain as he reads and re-reads the address, even when he knows exactly where the office is.
It’s been a few weeks since he was last there, since he side-stepped orders to get his cat neutered and up to date on shots. He didn’t ignore it because he thought they were bad ideas. He just wasn’t quite ready to face it. Or to face the vet after his barrage of personal information to correct Jared when he assumed Jensen had a boyfriend, not to mention shoving an apology in there for Danneel.
Granted, the few times he’s run into Danneel in the lobby, she’s now friendly and asks after his cat, offers help if he needs it.
He appreciates that, sure, but he also hates the underlying insistence that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and absolutely needs all the help she can offer.
So, he’d shoved his head in the sand like an oblivious ostrich and gone on with his life, avoiding memories of that day at the clinic. Now, he has to face it full on by doing his job and taking the last delivery of the night that will add a nice bump to his paycheck. He can’t exactly ignore it, not when the package is now in his hands and the receptionist at the print shop is staring at him.
“Are you okay?” she asks, slowly reaching for the phone.
He wonders if she’s aiming to call 9-1-1 for or because of him.
With a quick nod, Jensen clears himself of the worry, at least long enough to finish this interaction and insist he’s good.
Minutes later, he’s on the road and pedaling through the heat of late spring shifting into early summer. The extended daylight is good for his mood, but the hot sun is strong on his back and he knows he’s sweating through his shirt by the time he gets to the clinic. He’s hopeful since it’s near the end of the day, Jared will be gone already. Maybe Danneel, too.
Most of the lights are off inside, just a small desk lamp on the other side of the counter lets Jensen see inside, so he hesitantly knocks, half hoping no one is there. Even if that means he has to run back to the print shop to return the package.
Or he could shove the package through the mail slot in the door, forge a signature for his clipboard, and then head on home with all thoughts of this gone from his mind.
Forging the signature isn’t ideal, not by a long shot. If anyone found out, he’d quickly be out on the street with that stain on his record when going for another messenger job. After spending the last decade doing this, he’s not sure where he could turn for a new start.
The door suddenly swings open, that obnoxious bell at the top jangling loudly and dragging him back to the moment.
Danneel smiles at him, though she’s glancing around with confusion. “Hey, what do you need?”
Lamely, Jensen shows off the envelope in his hand. “I have a delivery.”
“Oh, okay. Why don’t you come in,” she offers, shifting back into the clinic.
He takes one step then stops when there’s movement further back in the office. A few seconds pass as Jensen watches Jared come into view, looking as confused as Danneel did when she first opened the door.
At some point, though, Jared’s face evens out into pleasant surprise. “Jensen, hey. Everything okay?”
He thinks nothing is okay because now he’s facing both of them and they expect and explanation, when all he wants to do is hand over the package, get a signature, and run right home.
“Jensen’s delivering a package,” Danneel says and Jensen suddenly looks at her to see the way she’s smirking along with her teasing tone.
Now, Jensen is filled with shame that he’s facing someone smart enough to have M.D. after their name, not to mention holding the ability to turn Jensen’s life upside down with just a smile, and admit that yes, his menial job is that of a messenger. His only responsibility is delivering packages all over town, not curing illness and saving animals like Jared and Danneel do on a daily basis.
“And you need to sign for it,” Danneel insists, nudging Jared forward as she walks back inside.
Jared and Jensen share a nervous glance before and after Jensen hands over the clipboard for Jared to sign, then Jensen shoves it into his messenger bag and steps away with a lame, short wave.
He’s hopping back onto his bike when Jared calls his name and comes over to stand next to him. There’s a moment of quiet and Jared taps the center of the bike’s handlebar with a strained smile. Kind of like when they first met at the pet store, and that makes Jensen’s mind spin all too fast as he remembers that meeting.
“I was about to grab a coffee,” Jared says. “I have a lot of files to get through tonight, clearing up notes and all that. But do you want to come with?”
Jensen stares at Jared, eyes taking in all of Jared’s face to figure out what exactly is being asked. “You want me to do notes with you?”
Jared laughs and shakes his head, hair going in all directions, messy and wavy after a long day. Jensen watches closely when Jared tucks it behind his ears, giving way to now blushing cheeks. It’s almost hypnotic and Jensen has to look away to get his wits about him. “No, sorry. I meant, do you want to grab a coffee with me? Before I get back to all the notes.”
It’s late for coffee, and Jensen knows if he says yes, then he’ll be up most of the night, jittery and anxiously reliving every second of this moment and whatever else happens over coffee.
“If you have more deliveries, that’s okay.”
Jensen shakes his head and frowns. “No, you’re my last one.”
“Great!” Jared grins before taking in Jensen’s strained look. “Unless there’s something else wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong. It’s just the thought of coffee this late,” he admits. “I normally stop coffee after lunch.”
“Oh, yeah, I totally understand. No worries.”
“I want to,” Jensen blurts with the sudden need to correct everything. To assure Jared that it isn’t him, the vet, that’s keeping Jensen from saying yes. Just his own mind screwing everything over and ruffling up every thought.
Jared smiles, wide and warm, and Jensen is thankful Jared isn’t running away at everything Jensen has to say. “How about a soda?” After a moment of Jensen’s hesitation, Jared tacks on, “There’s a good shop a few blocks over that has all kinds of syrups for Italian Soda. It’s my treat. Consider it a tip for the package.”
Jensen needs more time to process it and while his brain turns over and over with worry of whether this is some kind of pseudo date - and worse, what if it’s not - Jared aims a charming smirk at him that short circuits his brain. So he’s unaware he’s talking until the words come out: “I guess I can’t say no to that?”
* * *
Jensen finds out that Jared talks a lot, and he talks quickly, sometimes backtracking thoughts and reassembling his words to make better sense. Jared also comes up with rapid fire questions, or at least it feels that way when Jensen is not used to talking this much or being responsible for this many answers in one sitting. Let alone in one day.
He wonders if it’s the sugar and caffeine of the Italian Soda that’s ramping up Jared’s speech, and then wonders what kind of effect a full cup of coffee would have on the man.
“How’s your girl? Does she still go by Buddy?” Jared asks, suddenly shifting gears from asking Jensen about his life as a bike messenger.
That was plenty boring, especially compared to Jared’s career. Jensen’s not so sure he likes the change in topic, though, because he’s embarrassed to admit he’d thought about keeping the name when nothing else he came up with seemed to fit. “Coming up with a name the first time was stressful.”
“What’d you end up with?”
Jensen doesn’t want to say; there’s too much embarrassment if he has to actually explain it.
“I promise it can’t be terrible,” Jared chuckles. “I really do hear the bad ones. Fluffers. Bubbles. Charles Darwin.”
He makes a face and has to ask, “Darwin?”
“It was a foster kitten and the youngest boy named it. He really liked his science class.” Jared flits his eyebrows playfully. “So like I said, it can’t be that bad.”
“Well, it’s …” Jensen takes a long breath and glances away to mumble, “it’s Val.”
“Really?” Jared asks with a bit of tender excitement. “That’s a sweet name.”
He shrugs awkwardly. “If you think so.”
“You must think so, too, if you chose it.”
Jensen shrugs again and focuses on playing with the straw in his cup before pulling it closer to drink.
“Did it just come to you or is it from something specific?”
He’s not sure just how honest he wants to be. Something inside him wants to tell Jared about it, to tell him a whole lot more, yet his default position has always been to keep everything in to avoid saying the wrong things or getting a bad reaction. It takes a few extra seconds to drum up the courage to reply, “A little of both.”
Jared scoots forward in his chair, like he’s ready for a deep secret. “So what’s it from?”
Just saying it should be so easy and yet Jensen can’t help drawing this out. Even while knowing it will just add too much pressure to the answer, as if the longer he waits to say it, the better it should be, when it’s just a random thing that came to him one night while watching TV. “It’s from the Saint.”
“Which saint?”
“No, not an actual saint.” Jensen shifts in his chair and sighs, annoyed with himself to be stuck in this conversation. He’d rather go back to the part where Jared chatted incessantly about how much he loves coming to this place and has tried nearly every single flavor of syrup. Cherry’s his favorite.
“I don’t understand,” Jared says, motioning for Jensen to go on.
“The movie? Val Kilmer?” Jensen winces, even closes his eyes for a few seconds as he waits for the laughter and mockery to come.
“A movie … Oh! Val Kilmer.” There is laughter, but it’s soft and mellow as Jared leans in to drink from his straw, all while eyeing Jensen. When he’s done, he smirks. “That’s cute. I like it.”
“Yeah?” Jensen asks cautiously, sinking a little in his seat with fear Jared will suddenly break with hysteria at how ridiculous the name is - and the reason behind it. “It’s a guilty pleasure for me.”
“I haven’t seen it in a while, but I can see how it’s one that sticks with people.”
There’s a breath of relief that Jared is rolling along with it, no awkward questioning of Jensen’s taste in film. “It was on one night and it just sort of came to me.”
“It works,” Jared insists with a happy nod. “I hear all sorts of names and it’s always fun to hear where they came from.
“Well, you can add Val Kilmer to the list,” he hazards to joke. The moment Jared laughs, Jensen’s stomach flips over and nerves light up all over his body. He tempers his feelings, because he thinks it’s an overreaction, though he admits there’s great satisfaction that he made Jared laugh so bright.
He tries not to think too much of it. Maybe he’ll just tuck that memory and these feelings away for a rainy day, to remind him it’s possibly not the worst thing in the world to talk to people.
Jared insists they need refills and is gone in an instant with both their glasses, leaving no room for Jensen to object. And there’s no arguing about it when Jared insists it’s still part of Jensen’s tip.
He even winks and Jensen again tries not to over-analyze it.
Instead, Jensen asks about veterinary school and animals. “It’s pretty honorable being a veterinarian.”
Jared chuckles. “Not really that honorable. I pet a lot of animals and tell people to not feed their pets so much.”
“I learned that lesson the hard way,” Jensen points out.
“So she’s doing better now with smaller servings?”
“Yeah, she is,” he nods. “Thanks to you.”
“Just doing my job,” Jared replies playfully. He’s still got that light air about him when suddenly he leans forward with wonder in his voice. “Hey, speaking of, have you thought any more on bringing her in for shots and to get fixed?”
Jensen freezes because he has, on occasion, remembered that he still needs to get that done. Nerves have kept him away from the clinic; he’s been worried about facing Jared again, not to mention what kind of fuss it would create for Val, the pain and recovery. He manages to carefully answer, “I have thought about it.”
“It’s really not a big deal. Just an average procedure. She’d be in and out with no problem.”
His mind trails off with frustration. Not so much about the actual procedure, but that they’re shifting away from easy conversation into this territory and Jensen again wonders exactly why Jared talks to him. Each time they’re in front of one another, there seems to be something brewing, interest to some degree, and then it always circles back to Val and Jared’s work at the clinic.
Jensen wonders if Jared is just trying to do his job and be good to his clients. If there’s nothing more here than looking to drum up more business and draw Jensen in with good looks and a bright smile.
Which is fine, Jensen supposes, if he at least could see that more clearly. He wishes he weren’t blinded by the face in front of him, distracted easily with every laugh or long look Jared aims his way.
“It’s really not so bad,” Jared goes on. “I do it a couple times a week down at the shelter.
Right, Jared is not only a caring veterinarian who helps owners keep their pets in good health, he also works weekends at a humane shelter to treat and save animals on the streets.
Meanwhile, Jensen is just a bike messenger, who is now pulling his bag into his lap so he can flee. He’s tired of putting himself into these situations, making even minimal effort to talk to Jared, only to realize there’s nothing happening here. That Jensen is just digging too deep to find some kind of meaning in everything Jared says or does when it’s just customer service for the vet.
Jared notices Jensen’s abrupt change and sits up straight, face changing with concern. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine,” Jensen replies, but it’s obvious by his tone it’s anything but. “I should get home.”
Now Jared frowns and the way he slowly reaches out to touch Jensen’s glass does something odd to Jensen … drumming up guilt for putting that look on Jared’s face. “You didn’t even touch your drink.”
“Val’s probably waiting for me,” he says instead, ignoring how stupid it sounds. Surely, the cat can wait an extra hour for him. It used to be on the street to fend for itself and Jensen has been able to ease himself from the strict schedule, no longer worrying about being home at the exact time every day for her. She seems to whine whether he feeds her on time or not.
But it’s the best excuse he has on hand, so he leaves Jared with that and is gone without another word. He gets his bike unchained and rolling forward before he hears the door from the shop open, then he’s on the bike and pedalling when Jared calls him name.
Jensen has no response to that. He just keeps his head forward and rides home.
* * *
His days are spent on his bike, distracted by each route to pick up and deliver packages. He returns to his regular effort of minimal talking in limited interactions and the comfort of completing one task after another.
At night, he’s got Val to keep him company and, even if he doesn’t say much to her either, she seems to fill in the silence with her insistent meows to get his attention. For fresh food or to top off the water bowl, or even for the close comfort of settling in his lap for him to pet her.
She’s now the size of a larger than average cat, a good 13 to 14 pounds when he weighs her on his home scale. Most nights, she falls asleep on his legs, spreading out on his whole lap with a nice, heavy weight, and he struggles to stay completely still, hoping to not wake her when she looks so sweet and peaceful. She’s a fluffy thought heavy cloud perfectly spun of long white and grey fur, paws tucked over her face as she rolls into a tight ball.
It makes him think about how he feels these days, pulling in tight, hiding himself from the outside world. For the first time in a long while, he wonders if it’s really for the best.
Bringing Val home with him was a shock to his system, but he’s rather happy with the results. He knows she’s made his nights better, even if it just means feeding and petting her. There’s a sense of pride that’s grown more and more the longer they’ve been together, to know that he’s made her life better by taking her off the streets and giving her a home. And there’s the bloom of care he feels for her when she comes to him, that warm pleasure that she chooses him, wants his love and attention, too.
He still has that flash of worry when he comes home from work that she won’t be there, that some day she’ll have found some other sorry sucker to take her in. And he still has that quick pump of a happy heart when she’s there waiting for him, that she still wants and needs him. It’s a heavy feeling that there’s nowhere else she’d rather be.
The simpler part of him cherishes these thoughts and loves that he gets to experience them every day, often a few times each night. Like when she joins him in bed and sleeps on him, or when she follows him around the apartment, insistently rubbing against him in even the most mundane tasks of making coffee or filling up her water bowl.
And he thinks he finally understands why more average folks chase after love, building intimacy with other people and creating memories like these, even if there’s the chance of crashing and burning with failed relationships.
Jensen doesn’t have a detailed backstory to explain why he avoids relationships like the plague. Just an average case of an overactive brain that drags him down the wrong path of worry and discontent. When he was old enough to realize why he was always running around in circles over everything he said and did, he drew a line in the sand and decided to cut those issues off at the base. He’d decided to just avoid all relationships and interactions, never let himself go beyond simple communication to get exactly what he needed out of life, and everything would be fine.
With all his frantic anxiety, he knows he’s been overthinking everything when it comes Jared.
At times, since they last saw each other, Jensen’s wondered if there’s any point in figuring it all out for good. He’s also told himself he’s made it a bigger issue than it needs to be, so he should just drop it for good.
It’s not like he’ll have to deal with Jared again.
At least, not until something else happens with Val. Maybe he’ll just find a new vet.
* * *
Jensen is just as scared to make the appointment as he was the first time. Even more rattled to actually show up and come face to face with Jared after the mess of their soda trip.
Which is how Jensen has categorized it. He thought it could have been a date. Or a pre-date. Something leading to a real date. And he had been so very hopeful for it, but is even more sure that Jared had no intentions of such a thing. Especially not after Jensen’s freak out and quick exit with no real explanation.
Yet, when realizing that his normally active and friendly cat has suddenly become lazy and cautious to Jensen petting her, combined with a sudden spike in hairballs, Jensen had to take action.
He’d had some thought to find a new veterinarian and yet, he also felt that even when he wasn’t sure he could trust Jared’s intentions with him, he knew the man would do what’s best for Val, no matter what he thought of Jensen. He didn’t have the energy to suss out another clinic, not when he was already wracked with worry. So, he called for the first available appointment and silently thanked the universe it was the very next day.
At the clinic, he’s hesitant to do more than say hi to Danneel. She seems a bit quieter, too, but she’s happy to see Val and immediately rubs the girl’s head and cheeks while checking her over, as if she’s doing her own examination.
“How’s she doing?” Danneel asks. “Any better than when you called?”
He frowns when he can see Val slink down on the counter to stretch out with barely any response to Danneel’s touch. “I don’t know,” he admits. “It just all seems the same for how little she reacts to anything.”
Danneel frowns with him and picks Val up, cradling her carefully in her arms to bring them to the exam space. “Jared will take good care of her.”
Jensen breathes deep with a sense of comfort, because he knows Jared will.
Still, it’s a bit nerve wracking when Jared greets them at the table with a tight smile. Jensen’s sure he’s looking much the same, worried over facing Jared, not to mention hearing what’s wrong with Val.
Jared barely gets out his first question before Jensen’s mouth opens and he rattles on, “She’s been really listless the last week or two and she’s throwing up every day, no matter what I give her. I’ve been going to all dry food, even cutting back on how much, but she’s still getting sick every time she eats.”
In an instant, Jared’s face changes from controlled interest to concern and his hands find their way to Val’s coat, fingers sliding along to examine her. “It’s good you brought her in before it went on too long.”
“It seems like it’s been too long already,” Jensen complains. “Every day, I hoped she’d be back to normal and I kept waiting for that to happen. I should’ve brought her in earlier. I could have, but I was afraid to see - ” He stops there and takes in a long breath to calm himself.
Jared glances at him and Jensen immediately regrets talking. “Afraid to see what was wrong?”
Yeah, sure. That’s what Jensen was going to say.
Focused back on Val, Jared spends time checking along her stomach. His fingers press here and there, then run along the length of her belly as his eyebrows furrow and he watches her barely react to his touch. After some time, Jared gently lifts her up to put her on the scale. “How about any weight gain or loss?”
Jensen shrugs, frowning even more when he sees how Val just goes along with Jared moving her around. “Not that I can tell. She’s hit a growth spurt recently, but I’d figure she’d lose weight if she can’t keep any food down?”
“Yeah, I’d figure the same, but …”
Jared’s pause does Jensen no favors and his anxiety ramps up. “But? But what? What is it?”
“I think she needs an ultrasound.”
Jensen’s eyes widen and he thinks his heart stops. Just how serious is this?
“I can do that in the back, if you’re okay with it?” Jared still seems worried, but also a bit hopeful to Jensen’s answer.
It starts with a slow nod until Jensen is frantically agreeing. “Yeah, sure, whatever you need to do.”
Jared pats Jensen’s shoulder and squeezes with a warm look. “She’ll be okay. We’ve got this.”
Jensen nods again and tries to temper down the frenetic emotions twisting him up. “Yeah, of course. I trust you.” He feels silly for saying it, for not even realizing he was going to, but it’s out there and Jared seems to be happy to hear it.
“Val’s going to be okay,” he assures, and Jensen thinks he finally breathes easy.
The longer they’re gone for the test, however, the less easy Jensen feels. All sorts of things run through his mind, fatal diseases or major injuries he hadn’t recognized until it was too late.
He looks at the front desk, but it’s empty. Danneel went back with Jared to assist in the ultrasound, and while he’s grateful Val’s in good hands, he sure does wish there was something to distract him from the worst thoughts that brew when his brain has the quiet to run free. Even just watching or listening to Danneel work at the desk or a TV or something would help calm him.
He’s just about to google feline cancer when Jared returns with Val and Jensen puts his phone face down on the table so he can ignore how many letters he was able to get in the search window. There’s no point in letting Jared know just how frantic he’s been, especially not when Jared’s got a bashful smile on his face as he brings a cat bed to the metal exam table and eases Val into it.
She curls up into her typical ball, chin resting on her front paws, and looks up at Jensen like she’s afraid of his reaction. It spikes another round of worry and guilt to see her like this, but then Jared claps his hands and laughs.
“It’s exactly what I thought,” Jared announces proudly. “She’s pregnant!”
Jensen stares and blinks as his mind goes blank.
Jared chuckles and motions at Jensen. “Congrats, daddy!”
Shock is not a strong enough word and Jensen stares at Val for long moments until he finally answers Jared. “I’m not the father.”
“Grandaddy?” Jared offers, laughing at his own joke.
“She’s pregnant,” Jensen repeats. “Like pregnant with other kittens. A whole litter of kittens.”
“That’s usually how it works.”
Jensen knows his head is spinning and it’ll continue racing the rest of the day, probably for however long feline pregnancies last.
Questions spill out along with his nerves because taking in this cat was a massive step for him, keeping it was an even larger disruption to his life, and now … this. Pregnant. With more cats on the way. “How far along is she? What happens next? I have no idea how any of this works.”
“She’s about six or seven weeks. That’s usually when you can see the babies.”
“That early? How much longer does she have?”
“Well, officially, cats are pregnant around 65 days, give or take a few,” Jared explains happily. If she’s 40-some days along then, I’d say you’ve got 22 days remaining.”
“That’s very precise.”
“Yeah,” Jared replies with a sarcastic smile. “It’s kind of like a science or something.”
“You know what I mean,” Jensen complains, rolling his eyes. After a moment, he huffs, loudly, shoulders rising high then settling low with the frustration of this news. “So, really? She’s pregnant? This isn’t some practical joke you like to play on your patients?”
“I wouldn’t joke about this,” Jared insists with a sure look. “She’s definitely pregnant.”
“How many does she have?” he asks, then stupidly adds, “Kittens, I mean.” As if the veterinarian who just announced Val is pregnant doesn’t know he was talking about kittens.
Jensen heats up with embarrassment and not even Jared’s kind, soft smile can ease it. He knows he’s a moron, sounds like one all the time. That stop for Italian Sodas was a master class in idiocy. Apparently he’s got more to give, especially when facing Jared.
Holding onto his half-patient, half-amused smile, Jared explains, “I counted four, but it may be a little early to be sure. We can do another ultrasound in a few weeks.”
“Four, wow, okay,” Jensen says, quiet and slow. Just like his hand is when he reaches out to pet Val, running his hand from the top of the cat’s head and down her spine. “I can’t believe you got knocked up,” he mumbles at her.
Jared laughs and Jensen flinches, instantly pulling back into himself. “I’m guessing she’s still going outside?” Jared asks.
Jensen curls his shoulders in and keeps his head down as he watches his hand coast over the soft coat. “She follows me out when I leave.” He feels his defenses click into place and he explains tightly, “She’s always there when I come home. And it’s not like she never comes back inside.”
Jared offers him a careful smile and moves in to pet along her face. His long thumb rubs against her cheek and under her chin, drawing out long rumbles of satisfied purrs, noises Jensen hasn’t heard for a few days now. Maybe she feels better now that they have an answer, now that Jensen is no longer so afraid for her.
“That’s not a problem,” Jared says carefully. “I just figured if she wasn’t outside then we’d be dealing with a Virgin Mary situation.”
With a quick look, Jensen can spot Jared’s joking with him, eyes sparkling and mouth curling up playfully. It’s a disarming display and Jensen breathes evenly to calm himself of the anxiety that’s been building since he first made the appointment. Not to mention the panic at facing Jared today.
“Plenty of cats are outdoors. So long as she’s healthy and happy at home, and not getting into any trouble.”
“Well, she’s pregnant, so she found herself some trouble.”
Jared smiles and nods. “Yeah, I guess she did.”
“I mean, I’m not a prude about it. Good for her, getting some action or whatever,” Jensen says quickly, trying to joke a little himself. It’s been a while since he’s tried to be funny with another human being; it feels all sorts of foreign, but Jared continues to look at him with amusement, soft and warm, so Jensen supposes he’s doing it right.
“You feeling better now?” Jared asks, bumping his elbow with Jensen’s.
Jensen nods as he smiles at Val, rubbing just behind her ears. “It’s not the best news I’ve ever heard, but surely it’s better than what I had imagined.”
“You’re still worried?”
He holds his breath so he doesn’t sigh or show his frustrations. Still, he asks, “What am I supposed to do with more cats? I didn’t even want this one.”
Jared looks at him funny and Jensen immediately reels it back in.
“I didn’t mean it like that. Just that …” Jensen frowns at himself for making this all sound worse than he intended. “I’ve never had pets. Never bothered to take care of someone else. But I couldn’t leave her alone. It was raining so hard that night, I couldn’t leave her out there. So I took her in and she seemed to really like being with me.”
“You seem to really like it, too,” Jared points out, watching Jensen carefully.
Maybe it’s the vulnerability of Val’s situation, or Jensen feeling his own care for her ease out of worry and into comfort, but he allows himself to admit, “I love it.” Then he tacks on. “I didn’t think I’d ever be a cat person. I’m not even a people person.”
“Some things change.” Jared carefully smiles in a way that makes his dimples pop and adds extra weight to his next statement. “And you’re not so bad with people.”
That makes freeze for a few seconds then he lets a bit of honesty out. For himself, and for Jared. “I really am. Especially with you.” He flashes a brief, nervous smile before getting back to his worry. “But seriously. What happens to the kittens?”
Clearing his throat, Jared seems affected by Jensen’s admission, yet he goes with a joke, likely trying to ease the tension. “You know, cats are like Pringles. Once you pop, you just can’t stop.”
Jensen frowns at him. “That’s gross.”
“Okay, bad joke.” Jared even puts his hands up in apology then explains, “We can help adopt them out. And there’s the shelter I work at that will take them in.”
Jensen’s hand rests over the back of Val’s neck, fingers dragging through her long hair. “But what about her? If she just gives up her babies? Is that weird to worry about?
“It’s a very natural concern,” he assures Jensen.
“Would be it bad for her?”
“Honestly? The mama can get upset when the kittens first leave, but after a few days, she’ll get back to her natural routine.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do with more kittens,” Jensen mumbles, eyes shifting to look at Val from every angle. There’s too much to think about, especially when there's only another month to figure it all out.
Jared’s hand settles on Jensen’s lower back and he looks right into Jensen’s eyes to comfort him. “It’s going to be okay. She’ll be okay. And until then, you call me when you have any worries.”
“I just …” Jensen drifts off while shaking his head because this is just all so sudden.
“Use the numbers on my card, even the cell phone.”
Jensen shakes his head because he can’t imagine bothering Jared. Can’t put himself up for another showing of his failure to interact with him. “No, I can’t do that. I’ll just figure it out.”
Jared blinks while watching him, perhaps waiting for Jensen to calm down long enough to really hear him. “I insist that you can.”
Jensen thinks that seems to be a lot to promise a patient who’s only been here twice, someone as messed up as Jensen who’s run off with no excuse before and is altogether a mess of nerves.
“Jensen,” he laughs awkwardly. “I’m the professional here, and I am telling you that I can help whenever you need it.”
“Yeah, okay,” Jensen finally allows. “I promise … to call.” Then he clears his throat. “If anything happens with her.”
Suddenly, Jared seems rather serious and he blinks then glances away. “For whatever. You can call me and I can help.”
Jensen doesn’t plan on taking him up on the offer, but it seems to be a pivotal moment to consider it. Even more, he allows himself to relax and offer Jared a cautious smile. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
And when Jared returns the soft look, Jensen thinks it just may be something more.
* * *
Jensen spends many evenings googling all sorts of phrases he never thought he’d have to worry about.
Cat pregnant
How to tell your cat is pregnant
Cat ultrasound pregnant
What goes wrong in cat pregnancy
Oddly enough, the worst phrase, the one that takes him a full minute of mindlessly tapping keys before typing it all out is how many kittens can a cat have?
Jared had said he saw four, but hinted at doing another ultrasound to be sure. Of course, that means Jensen’s mind wanders with worry of how many there really could be.
One of the first web sites delivers the news that stops his heart.
Most cats, or queens (unspayed female cats), have a litter of three to five kittens, but feline litters can vary in size from one to more than 10. That’s a big range.
That’s a big range he repeats. Then calls out, “Yeah, you think?”
Val breaks out of her nap, whipping her head around to glare at Jensen for his outburst, and he frowns at her while gently rubbing at the side of her head.
“Sorry, girl,” he offers in a soft voice. “I should probably stop looking everything up, huh?”
Meow, she says, but otherwise curls back into a ball with her eyes closing immediately.
Jensen eases up his touch, just a gentle sway of his thumb behind her ear as she falls asleep, he and tries not to be too concerned for her constantly napping. He’d read all about that in his endless web searches and now notices she’s cuddling even more than normal. Eating a lot, too, which he watches closely. She’s already grown so big at this point and gaining more the further along she gets worries him.
She sheds like crazy and is constantly grooming herself. Somehow, Jensen no longer cares how much hair there is. Well, he does, deep down he very much does, but his new focus is keeping her as comfortable as possible, so the middle ground is buying more soft fleece blankets and covering the couch. He’s sure they won't last long, already coated in long white hair, but he’ll do anything to keep her comfortable throughout her pregnancy.
He tries not to think about what to do after. It’s not long until he has to face it, but he does a whole lot of arguing with himself that there’s plenty of time to sort it all out.
Until then, Val’s the priority and he’ll do anything for her.
Part 4
Part 2
Jensen doesn’t believe in karma or kismet or any other power of drawing two objects together to fit the grand scheme of this world.
But he has to admit there’s something at play when he’s near the end of his day and gets a last-minute delivery.
“I think it’s on your way home,” one of the dispatchers says back at the office. The young woman texts him the pick-up location and a contact name, neither of which mean anything to him.
What does make an impact is when he appears at the print shop and is handed a padded envelope packed with what he assumes are folded pamphlets, given the shape and heft of the package. The items aren’t a bother; the name on the label is.
Padalecki Animal Clinic flies through his brain as he reads and re-reads the address, even when he knows exactly where the office is.
It’s been a few weeks since he was last there, since he side-stepped orders to get his cat neutered and up to date on shots. He didn’t ignore it because he thought they were bad ideas. He just wasn’t quite ready to face it. Or to face the vet after his barrage of personal information to correct Jared when he assumed Jensen had a boyfriend, not to mention shoving an apology in there for Danneel.
Granted, the few times he’s run into Danneel in the lobby, she’s now friendly and asks after his cat, offers help if he needs it.
He appreciates that, sure, but he also hates the underlying insistence that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and absolutely needs all the help she can offer.
So, he’d shoved his head in the sand like an oblivious ostrich and gone on with his life, avoiding memories of that day at the clinic. Now, he has to face it full on by doing his job and taking the last delivery of the night that will add a nice bump to his paycheck. He can’t exactly ignore it, not when the package is now in his hands and the receptionist at the print shop is staring at him.
“Are you okay?” she asks, slowly reaching for the phone.
He wonders if she’s aiming to call 9-1-1 for or because of him.
With a quick nod, Jensen clears himself of the worry, at least long enough to finish this interaction and insist he’s good.
Minutes later, he’s on the road and pedaling through the heat of late spring shifting into early summer. The extended daylight is good for his mood, but the hot sun is strong on his back and he knows he’s sweating through his shirt by the time he gets to the clinic. He’s hopeful since it’s near the end of the day, Jared will be gone already. Maybe Danneel, too.
Most of the lights are off inside, just a small desk lamp on the other side of the counter lets Jensen see inside, so he hesitantly knocks, half hoping no one is there. Even if that means he has to run back to the print shop to return the package.
Or he could shove the package through the mail slot in the door, forge a signature for his clipboard, and then head on home with all thoughts of this gone from his mind.
Forging the signature isn’t ideal, not by a long shot. If anyone found out, he’d quickly be out on the street with that stain on his record when going for another messenger job. After spending the last decade doing this, he’s not sure where he could turn for a new start.
The door suddenly swings open, that obnoxious bell at the top jangling loudly and dragging him back to the moment.
Danneel smiles at him, though she’s glancing around with confusion. “Hey, what do you need?”
Lamely, Jensen shows off the envelope in his hand. “I have a delivery.”
“Oh, okay. Why don’t you come in,” she offers, shifting back into the clinic.
He takes one step then stops when there’s movement further back in the office. A few seconds pass as Jensen watches Jared come into view, looking as confused as Danneel did when she first opened the door.
At some point, though, Jared’s face evens out into pleasant surprise. “Jensen, hey. Everything okay?”
He thinks nothing is okay because now he’s facing both of them and they expect and explanation, when all he wants to do is hand over the package, get a signature, and run right home.
“Jensen’s delivering a package,” Danneel says and Jensen suddenly looks at her to see the way she’s smirking along with her teasing tone.
Now, Jensen is filled with shame that he’s facing someone smart enough to have M.D. after their name, not to mention holding the ability to turn Jensen’s life upside down with just a smile, and admit that yes, his menial job is that of a messenger. His only responsibility is delivering packages all over town, not curing illness and saving animals like Jared and Danneel do on a daily basis.
“And you need to sign for it,” Danneel insists, nudging Jared forward as she walks back inside.
Jared and Jensen share a nervous glance before and after Jensen hands over the clipboard for Jared to sign, then Jensen shoves it into his messenger bag and steps away with a lame, short wave.
He’s hopping back onto his bike when Jared calls his name and comes over to stand next to him. There’s a moment of quiet and Jared taps the center of the bike’s handlebar with a strained smile. Kind of like when they first met at the pet store, and that makes Jensen’s mind spin all too fast as he remembers that meeting.
“I was about to grab a coffee,” Jared says. “I have a lot of files to get through tonight, clearing up notes and all that. But do you want to come with?”
Jensen stares at Jared, eyes taking in all of Jared’s face to figure out what exactly is being asked. “You want me to do notes with you?”
Jared laughs and shakes his head, hair going in all directions, messy and wavy after a long day. Jensen watches closely when Jared tucks it behind his ears, giving way to now blushing cheeks. It’s almost hypnotic and Jensen has to look away to get his wits about him. “No, sorry. I meant, do you want to grab a coffee with me? Before I get back to all the notes.”
It’s late for coffee, and Jensen knows if he says yes, then he’ll be up most of the night, jittery and anxiously reliving every second of this moment and whatever else happens over coffee.
“If you have more deliveries, that’s okay.”
Jensen shakes his head and frowns. “No, you’re my last one.”
“Great!” Jared grins before taking in Jensen’s strained look. “Unless there’s something else wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong. It’s just the thought of coffee this late,” he admits. “I normally stop coffee after lunch.”
“Oh, yeah, I totally understand. No worries.”
“I want to,” Jensen blurts with the sudden need to correct everything. To assure Jared that it isn’t him, the vet, that’s keeping Jensen from saying yes. Just his own mind screwing everything over and ruffling up every thought.
Jared smiles, wide and warm, and Jensen is thankful Jared isn’t running away at everything Jensen has to say. “How about a soda?” After a moment of Jensen’s hesitation, Jared tacks on, “There’s a good shop a few blocks over that has all kinds of syrups for Italian Soda. It’s my treat. Consider it a tip for the package.”
Jensen needs more time to process it and while his brain turns over and over with worry of whether this is some kind of pseudo date - and worse, what if it’s not - Jared aims a charming smirk at him that short circuits his brain. So he’s unaware he’s talking until the words come out: “I guess I can’t say no to that?”
Jensen finds out that Jared talks a lot, and he talks quickly, sometimes backtracking thoughts and reassembling his words to make better sense. Jared also comes up with rapid fire questions, or at least it feels that way when Jensen is not used to talking this much or being responsible for this many answers in one sitting. Let alone in one day.
He wonders if it’s the sugar and caffeine of the Italian Soda that’s ramping up Jared’s speech, and then wonders what kind of effect a full cup of coffee would have on the man.
“How’s your girl? Does she still go by Buddy?” Jared asks, suddenly shifting gears from asking Jensen about his life as a bike messenger.
That was plenty boring, especially compared to Jared’s career. Jensen’s not so sure he likes the change in topic, though, because he’s embarrassed to admit he’d thought about keeping the name when nothing else he came up with seemed to fit. “Coming up with a name the first time was stressful.”
“What’d you end up with?”
Jensen doesn’t want to say; there’s too much embarrassment if he has to actually explain it.
“I promise it can’t be terrible,” Jared chuckles. “I really do hear the bad ones. Fluffers. Bubbles. Charles Darwin.”
He makes a face and has to ask, “Darwin?”
“It was a foster kitten and the youngest boy named it. He really liked his science class.” Jared flits his eyebrows playfully. “So like I said, it can’t be that bad.”
“Well, it’s …” Jensen takes a long breath and glances away to mumble, “it’s Val.”
“Really?” Jared asks with a bit of tender excitement. “That’s a sweet name.”
He shrugs awkwardly. “If you think so.”
“You must think so, too, if you chose it.”
Jensen shrugs again and focuses on playing with the straw in his cup before pulling it closer to drink.
“Did it just come to you or is it from something specific?”
He’s not sure just how honest he wants to be. Something inside him wants to tell Jared about it, to tell him a whole lot more, yet his default position has always been to keep everything in to avoid saying the wrong things or getting a bad reaction. It takes a few extra seconds to drum up the courage to reply, “A little of both.”
Jared scoots forward in his chair, like he’s ready for a deep secret. “So what’s it from?”
Just saying it should be so easy and yet Jensen can’t help drawing this out. Even while knowing it will just add too much pressure to the answer, as if the longer he waits to say it, the better it should be, when it’s just a random thing that came to him one night while watching TV. “It’s from the Saint.”
“Which saint?”
“No, not an actual saint.” Jensen shifts in his chair and sighs, annoyed with himself to be stuck in this conversation. He’d rather go back to the part where Jared chatted incessantly about how much he loves coming to this place and has tried nearly every single flavor of syrup. Cherry’s his favorite.
“I don’t understand,” Jared says, motioning for Jensen to go on.
“The movie? Val Kilmer?” Jensen winces, even closes his eyes for a few seconds as he waits for the laughter and mockery to come.
“A movie … Oh! Val Kilmer.” There is laughter, but it’s soft and mellow as Jared leans in to drink from his straw, all while eyeing Jensen. When he’s done, he smirks. “That’s cute. I like it.”
“Yeah?” Jensen asks cautiously, sinking a little in his seat with fear Jared will suddenly break with hysteria at how ridiculous the name is - and the reason behind it. “It’s a guilty pleasure for me.”
“I haven’t seen it in a while, but I can see how it’s one that sticks with people.”
There’s a breath of relief that Jared is rolling along with it, no awkward questioning of Jensen’s taste in film. “It was on one night and it just sort of came to me.”
“It works,” Jared insists with a happy nod. “I hear all sorts of names and it’s always fun to hear where they came from.
“Well, you can add Val Kilmer to the list,” he hazards to joke. The moment Jared laughs, Jensen’s stomach flips over and nerves light up all over his body. He tempers his feelings, because he thinks it’s an overreaction, though he admits there’s great satisfaction that he made Jared laugh so bright.
He tries not to think too much of it. Maybe he’ll just tuck that memory and these feelings away for a rainy day, to remind him it’s possibly not the worst thing in the world to talk to people.
Jared insists they need refills and is gone in an instant with both their glasses, leaving no room for Jensen to object. And there’s no arguing about it when Jared insists it’s still part of Jensen’s tip.
He even winks and Jensen again tries not to over-analyze it.
Instead, Jensen asks about veterinary school and animals. “It’s pretty honorable being a veterinarian.”
Jared chuckles. “Not really that honorable. I pet a lot of animals and tell people to not feed their pets so much.”
“I learned that lesson the hard way,” Jensen points out.
“So she’s doing better now with smaller servings?”
“Yeah, she is,” he nods. “Thanks to you.”
“Just doing my job,” Jared replies playfully. He’s still got that light air about him when suddenly he leans forward with wonder in his voice. “Hey, speaking of, have you thought any more on bringing her in for shots and to get fixed?”
Jensen freezes because he has, on occasion, remembered that he still needs to get that done. Nerves have kept him away from the clinic; he’s been worried about facing Jared again, not to mention what kind of fuss it would create for Val, the pain and recovery. He manages to carefully answer, “I have thought about it.”
“It’s really not a big deal. Just an average procedure. She’d be in and out with no problem.”
His mind trails off with frustration. Not so much about the actual procedure, but that they’re shifting away from easy conversation into this territory and Jensen again wonders exactly why Jared talks to him. Each time they’re in front of one another, there seems to be something brewing, interest to some degree, and then it always circles back to Val and Jared’s work at the clinic.
Jensen wonders if Jared is just trying to do his job and be good to his clients. If there’s nothing more here than looking to drum up more business and draw Jensen in with good looks and a bright smile.
Which is fine, Jensen supposes, if he at least could see that more clearly. He wishes he weren’t blinded by the face in front of him, distracted easily with every laugh or long look Jared aims his way.
“It’s really not so bad,” Jared goes on. “I do it a couple times a week down at the shelter.
Right, Jared is not only a caring veterinarian who helps owners keep their pets in good health, he also works weekends at a humane shelter to treat and save animals on the streets.
Meanwhile, Jensen is just a bike messenger, who is now pulling his bag into his lap so he can flee. He’s tired of putting himself into these situations, making even minimal effort to talk to Jared, only to realize there’s nothing happening here. That Jensen is just digging too deep to find some kind of meaning in everything Jared says or does when it’s just customer service for the vet.
Jared notices Jensen’s abrupt change and sits up straight, face changing with concern. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine,” Jensen replies, but it’s obvious by his tone it’s anything but. “I should get home.”
Now Jared frowns and the way he slowly reaches out to touch Jensen’s glass does something odd to Jensen … drumming up guilt for putting that look on Jared’s face. “You didn’t even touch your drink.”
“Val’s probably waiting for me,” he says instead, ignoring how stupid it sounds. Surely, the cat can wait an extra hour for him. It used to be on the street to fend for itself and Jensen has been able to ease himself from the strict schedule, no longer worrying about being home at the exact time every day for her. She seems to whine whether he feeds her on time or not.
But it’s the best excuse he has on hand, so he leaves Jared with that and is gone without another word. He gets his bike unchained and rolling forward before he hears the door from the shop open, then he’s on the bike and pedalling when Jared calls him name.
Jensen has no response to that. He just keeps his head forward and rides home.
His days are spent on his bike, distracted by each route to pick up and deliver packages. He returns to his regular effort of minimal talking in limited interactions and the comfort of completing one task after another.
At night, he’s got Val to keep him company and, even if he doesn’t say much to her either, she seems to fill in the silence with her insistent meows to get his attention. For fresh food or to top off the water bowl, or even for the close comfort of settling in his lap for him to pet her.
She’s now the size of a larger than average cat, a good 13 to 14 pounds when he weighs her on his home scale. Most nights, she falls asleep on his legs, spreading out on his whole lap with a nice, heavy weight, and he struggles to stay completely still, hoping to not wake her when she looks so sweet and peaceful. She’s a fluffy thought heavy cloud perfectly spun of long white and grey fur, paws tucked over her face as she rolls into a tight ball.
It makes him think about how he feels these days, pulling in tight, hiding himself from the outside world. For the first time in a long while, he wonders if it’s really for the best.
Bringing Val home with him was a shock to his system, but he’s rather happy with the results. He knows she’s made his nights better, even if it just means feeding and petting her. There’s a sense of pride that’s grown more and more the longer they’ve been together, to know that he’s made her life better by taking her off the streets and giving her a home. And there’s the bloom of care he feels for her when she comes to him, that warm pleasure that she chooses him, wants his love and attention, too.
He still has that flash of worry when he comes home from work that she won’t be there, that some day she’ll have found some other sorry sucker to take her in. And he still has that quick pump of a happy heart when she’s there waiting for him, that she still wants and needs him. It’s a heavy feeling that there’s nowhere else she’d rather be.
The simpler part of him cherishes these thoughts and loves that he gets to experience them every day, often a few times each night. Like when she joins him in bed and sleeps on him, or when she follows him around the apartment, insistently rubbing against him in even the most mundane tasks of making coffee or filling up her water bowl.
And he thinks he finally understands why more average folks chase after love, building intimacy with other people and creating memories like these, even if there’s the chance of crashing and burning with failed relationships.
Jensen doesn’t have a detailed backstory to explain why he avoids relationships like the plague. Just an average case of an overactive brain that drags him down the wrong path of worry and discontent. When he was old enough to realize why he was always running around in circles over everything he said and did, he drew a line in the sand and decided to cut those issues off at the base. He’d decided to just avoid all relationships and interactions, never let himself go beyond simple communication to get exactly what he needed out of life, and everything would be fine.
With all his frantic anxiety, he knows he’s been overthinking everything when it comes Jared.
At times, since they last saw each other, Jensen’s wondered if there’s any point in figuring it all out for good. He’s also told himself he’s made it a bigger issue than it needs to be, so he should just drop it for good.
It’s not like he’ll have to deal with Jared again.
At least, not until something else happens with Val. Maybe he’ll just find a new vet.
Jensen is just as scared to make the appointment as he was the first time. Even more rattled to actually show up and come face to face with Jared after the mess of their soda trip.
Which is how Jensen has categorized it. He thought it could have been a date. Or a pre-date. Something leading to a real date. And he had been so very hopeful for it, but is even more sure that Jared had no intentions of such a thing. Especially not after Jensen’s freak out and quick exit with no real explanation.
Yet, when realizing that his normally active and friendly cat has suddenly become lazy and cautious to Jensen petting her, combined with a sudden spike in hairballs, Jensen had to take action.
He’d had some thought to find a new veterinarian and yet, he also felt that even when he wasn’t sure he could trust Jared’s intentions with him, he knew the man would do what’s best for Val, no matter what he thought of Jensen. He didn’t have the energy to suss out another clinic, not when he was already wracked with worry. So, he called for the first available appointment and silently thanked the universe it was the very next day.
At the clinic, he’s hesitant to do more than say hi to Danneel. She seems a bit quieter, too, but she’s happy to see Val and immediately rubs the girl’s head and cheeks while checking her over, as if she’s doing her own examination.
“How’s she doing?” Danneel asks. “Any better than when you called?”
He frowns when he can see Val slink down on the counter to stretch out with barely any response to Danneel’s touch. “I don’t know,” he admits. “It just all seems the same for how little she reacts to anything.”
Danneel frowns with him and picks Val up, cradling her carefully in her arms to bring them to the exam space. “Jared will take good care of her.”
Jensen breathes deep with a sense of comfort, because he knows Jared will.
Still, it’s a bit nerve wracking when Jared greets them at the table with a tight smile. Jensen’s sure he’s looking much the same, worried over facing Jared, not to mention hearing what’s wrong with Val.
Jared barely gets out his first question before Jensen’s mouth opens and he rattles on, “She’s been really listless the last week or two and she’s throwing up every day, no matter what I give her. I’ve been going to all dry food, even cutting back on how much, but she’s still getting sick every time she eats.”
In an instant, Jared’s face changes from controlled interest to concern and his hands find their way to Val’s coat, fingers sliding along to examine her. “It’s good you brought her in before it went on too long.”
“It seems like it’s been too long already,” Jensen complains. “Every day, I hoped she’d be back to normal and I kept waiting for that to happen. I should’ve brought her in earlier. I could have, but I was afraid to see - ” He stops there and takes in a long breath to calm himself.
Jared glances at him and Jensen immediately regrets talking. “Afraid to see what was wrong?”
Yeah, sure. That’s what Jensen was going to say.
Focused back on Val, Jared spends time checking along her stomach. His fingers press here and there, then run along the length of her belly as his eyebrows furrow and he watches her barely react to his touch. After some time, Jared gently lifts her up to put her on the scale. “How about any weight gain or loss?”
Jensen shrugs, frowning even more when he sees how Val just goes along with Jared moving her around. “Not that I can tell. She’s hit a growth spurt recently, but I’d figure she’d lose weight if she can’t keep any food down?”
“Yeah, I’d figure the same, but …”
Jared’s pause does Jensen no favors and his anxiety ramps up. “But? But what? What is it?”
“I think she needs an ultrasound.”
Jensen’s eyes widen and he thinks his heart stops. Just how serious is this?
“I can do that in the back, if you’re okay with it?” Jared still seems worried, but also a bit hopeful to Jensen’s answer.
It starts with a slow nod until Jensen is frantically agreeing. “Yeah, sure, whatever you need to do.”
Jared pats Jensen’s shoulder and squeezes with a warm look. “She’ll be okay. We’ve got this.”
Jensen nods again and tries to temper down the frenetic emotions twisting him up. “Yeah, of course. I trust you.” He feels silly for saying it, for not even realizing he was going to, but it’s out there and Jared seems to be happy to hear it.
“Val’s going to be okay,” he assures, and Jensen thinks he finally breathes easy.
The longer they’re gone for the test, however, the less easy Jensen feels. All sorts of things run through his mind, fatal diseases or major injuries he hadn’t recognized until it was too late.
He looks at the front desk, but it’s empty. Danneel went back with Jared to assist in the ultrasound, and while he’s grateful Val’s in good hands, he sure does wish there was something to distract him from the worst thoughts that brew when his brain has the quiet to run free. Even just watching or listening to Danneel work at the desk or a TV or something would help calm him.
He’s just about to google feline cancer when Jared returns with Val and Jensen puts his phone face down on the table so he can ignore how many letters he was able to get in the search window. There’s no point in letting Jared know just how frantic he’s been, especially not when Jared’s got a bashful smile on his face as he brings a cat bed to the metal exam table and eases Val into it.
She curls up into her typical ball, chin resting on her front paws, and looks up at Jensen like she’s afraid of his reaction. It spikes another round of worry and guilt to see her like this, but then Jared claps his hands and laughs.
“It’s exactly what I thought,” Jared announces proudly. “She’s pregnant!”
Jensen stares and blinks as his mind goes blank.
Jared chuckles and motions at Jensen. “Congrats, daddy!”
Shock is not a strong enough word and Jensen stares at Val for long moments until he finally answers Jared. “I’m not the father.”
“Grandaddy?” Jared offers, laughing at his own joke.
“She’s pregnant,” Jensen repeats. “Like pregnant with other kittens. A whole litter of kittens.”
“That’s usually how it works.”
Jensen knows his head is spinning and it’ll continue racing the rest of the day, probably for however long feline pregnancies last.
Questions spill out along with his nerves because taking in this cat was a massive step for him, keeping it was an even larger disruption to his life, and now … this. Pregnant. With more cats on the way. “How far along is she? What happens next? I have no idea how any of this works.”
“She’s about six or seven weeks. That’s usually when you can see the babies.”
“That early? How much longer does she have?”
“Well, officially, cats are pregnant around 65 days, give or take a few,” Jared explains happily. If she’s 40-some days along then, I’d say you’ve got 22 days remaining.”
“That’s very precise.”
“Yeah,” Jared replies with a sarcastic smile. “It’s kind of like a science or something.”
“You know what I mean,” Jensen complains, rolling his eyes. After a moment, he huffs, loudly, shoulders rising high then settling low with the frustration of this news. “So, really? She’s pregnant? This isn’t some practical joke you like to play on your patients?”
“I wouldn’t joke about this,” Jared insists with a sure look. “She’s definitely pregnant.”
“How many does she have?” he asks, then stupidly adds, “Kittens, I mean.” As if the veterinarian who just announced Val is pregnant doesn’t know he was talking about kittens.
Jensen heats up with embarrassment and not even Jared’s kind, soft smile can ease it. He knows he’s a moron, sounds like one all the time. That stop for Italian Sodas was a master class in idiocy. Apparently he’s got more to give, especially when facing Jared.
Holding onto his half-patient, half-amused smile, Jared explains, “I counted four, but it may be a little early to be sure. We can do another ultrasound in a few weeks.”
“Four, wow, okay,” Jensen says, quiet and slow. Just like his hand is when he reaches out to pet Val, running his hand from the top of the cat’s head and down her spine. “I can’t believe you got knocked up,” he mumbles at her.
Jared laughs and Jensen flinches, instantly pulling back into himself. “I’m guessing she’s still going outside?” Jared asks.
Jensen curls his shoulders in and keeps his head down as he watches his hand coast over the soft coat. “She follows me out when I leave.” He feels his defenses click into place and he explains tightly, “She’s always there when I come home. And it’s not like she never comes back inside.”
Jared offers him a careful smile and moves in to pet along her face. His long thumb rubs against her cheek and under her chin, drawing out long rumbles of satisfied purrs, noises Jensen hasn’t heard for a few days now. Maybe she feels better now that they have an answer, now that Jensen is no longer so afraid for her.
“That’s not a problem,” Jared says carefully. “I just figured if she wasn’t outside then we’d be dealing with a Virgin Mary situation.”
With a quick look, Jensen can spot Jared’s joking with him, eyes sparkling and mouth curling up playfully. It’s a disarming display and Jensen breathes evenly to calm himself of the anxiety that’s been building since he first made the appointment. Not to mention the panic at facing Jared today.
“Plenty of cats are outdoors. So long as she’s healthy and happy at home, and not getting into any trouble.”
“Well, she’s pregnant, so she found herself some trouble.”
Jared smiles and nods. “Yeah, I guess she did.”
“I mean, I’m not a prude about it. Good for her, getting some action or whatever,” Jensen says quickly, trying to joke a little himself. It’s been a while since he’s tried to be funny with another human being; it feels all sorts of foreign, but Jared continues to look at him with amusement, soft and warm, so Jensen supposes he’s doing it right.
“You feeling better now?” Jared asks, bumping his elbow with Jensen’s.
Jensen nods as he smiles at Val, rubbing just behind her ears. “It’s not the best news I’ve ever heard, but surely it’s better than what I had imagined.”
“You’re still worried?”
He holds his breath so he doesn’t sigh or show his frustrations. Still, he asks, “What am I supposed to do with more cats? I didn’t even want this one.”
Jared looks at him funny and Jensen immediately reels it back in.
“I didn’t mean it like that. Just that …” Jensen frowns at himself for making this all sound worse than he intended. “I’ve never had pets. Never bothered to take care of someone else. But I couldn’t leave her alone. It was raining so hard that night, I couldn’t leave her out there. So I took her in and she seemed to really like being with me.”
“You seem to really like it, too,” Jared points out, watching Jensen carefully.
Maybe it’s the vulnerability of Val’s situation, or Jensen feeling his own care for her ease out of worry and into comfort, but he allows himself to admit, “I love it.” Then he tacks on. “I didn’t think I’d ever be a cat person. I’m not even a people person.”
“Some things change.” Jared carefully smiles in a way that makes his dimples pop and adds extra weight to his next statement. “And you’re not so bad with people.”
That makes freeze for a few seconds then he lets a bit of honesty out. For himself, and for Jared. “I really am. Especially with you.” He flashes a brief, nervous smile before getting back to his worry. “But seriously. What happens to the kittens?”
Clearing his throat, Jared seems affected by Jensen’s admission, yet he goes with a joke, likely trying to ease the tension. “You know, cats are like Pringles. Once you pop, you just can’t stop.”
Jensen frowns at him. “That’s gross.”
“Okay, bad joke.” Jared even puts his hands up in apology then explains, “We can help adopt them out. And there’s the shelter I work at that will take them in.”
Jensen’s hand rests over the back of Val’s neck, fingers dragging through her long hair. “But what about her? If she just gives up her babies? Is that weird to worry about?
“It’s a very natural concern,” he assures Jensen.
“Would be it bad for her?”
“Honestly? The mama can get upset when the kittens first leave, but after a few days, she’ll get back to her natural routine.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do with more kittens,” Jensen mumbles, eyes shifting to look at Val from every angle. There’s too much to think about, especially when there's only another month to figure it all out.
Jared’s hand settles on Jensen’s lower back and he looks right into Jensen’s eyes to comfort him. “It’s going to be okay. She’ll be okay. And until then, you call me when you have any worries.”
“I just …” Jensen drifts off while shaking his head because this is just all so sudden.
“Use the numbers on my card, even the cell phone.”
Jensen shakes his head because he can’t imagine bothering Jared. Can’t put himself up for another showing of his failure to interact with him. “No, I can’t do that. I’ll just figure it out.”
Jared blinks while watching him, perhaps waiting for Jensen to calm down long enough to really hear him. “I insist that you can.”
Jensen thinks that seems to be a lot to promise a patient who’s only been here twice, someone as messed up as Jensen who’s run off with no excuse before and is altogether a mess of nerves.
“Jensen,” he laughs awkwardly. “I’m the professional here, and I am telling you that I can help whenever you need it.”
“Yeah, okay,” Jensen finally allows. “I promise … to call.” Then he clears his throat. “If anything happens with her.”
Suddenly, Jared seems rather serious and he blinks then glances away. “For whatever. You can call me and I can help.”
Jensen doesn’t plan on taking him up on the offer, but it seems to be a pivotal moment to consider it. Even more, he allows himself to relax and offer Jared a cautious smile. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
And when Jared returns the soft look, Jensen thinks it just may be something more.
Jensen spends many evenings googling all sorts of phrases he never thought he’d have to worry about.
Cat pregnant
How to tell your cat is pregnant
Cat ultrasound pregnant
What goes wrong in cat pregnancy
Oddly enough, the worst phrase, the one that takes him a full minute of mindlessly tapping keys before typing it all out is how many kittens can a cat have?
Jared had said he saw four, but hinted at doing another ultrasound to be sure. Of course, that means Jensen’s mind wanders with worry of how many there really could be.
One of the first web sites delivers the news that stops his heart.
Most cats, or queens (unspayed female cats), have a litter of three to five kittens, but feline litters can vary in size from one to more than 10. That’s a big range.
That’s a big range he repeats. Then calls out, “Yeah, you think?”
Val breaks out of her nap, whipping her head around to glare at Jensen for his outburst, and he frowns at her while gently rubbing at the side of her head.
“Sorry, girl,” he offers in a soft voice. “I should probably stop looking everything up, huh?”
Meow, she says, but otherwise curls back into a ball with her eyes closing immediately.
Jensen eases up his touch, just a gentle sway of his thumb behind her ear as she falls asleep, he and tries not to be too concerned for her constantly napping. He’d read all about that in his endless web searches and now notices she’s cuddling even more than normal. Eating a lot, too, which he watches closely. She’s already grown so big at this point and gaining more the further along she gets worries him.
She sheds like crazy and is constantly grooming herself. Somehow, Jensen no longer cares how much hair there is. Well, he does, deep down he very much does, but his new focus is keeping her as comfortable as possible, so the middle ground is buying more soft fleece blankets and covering the couch. He’s sure they won't last long, already coated in long white hair, but he’ll do anything to keep her comfortable throughout her pregnancy.
He tries not to think about what to do after. It’s not long until he has to face it, but he does a whole lot of arguing with himself that there’s plenty of time to sort it all out.
Until then, Val’s the priority and he’ll do anything for her.
Part 4
